Are you a control freak? Chances are that if you have controlling ways, you don’t even realize the way you act. You probably believe that you are offering advice or constructive criticism to others that is necessary, but you don’t see your methods as dictating.
Do you tend to take over projects because you feel like no one else will do them right or as good as you? Controlling people have inner fears that they don’t know how to process, and they’re plagued with irrational thoughts.
The need to control comes from internal problems. These people feel weak, inferior, or not needed, so they must manage every aspect of their life. Do you or someone you love have issues with being controlling? Here are some signs that can help you to relate.
1. They Must Have the Last Word
A person with a controlling nature tends to be a know it all. Though they don’t say it, they believe that they are more intelligent and educated than everyone around them. They will never let you win an argument because they can’t be wrong.
These are the people that must always have the last word, and if they don’t get the final word in a conversation, then they will feel that the situation is unresolved. When trouble arises, they want to be the one who comes up with the solution. Being superior in everyone’s eyes is essential for their ego.
2. Their Schedule is the Only One That Matters
Do you get angry when there is the slightest change in your plans? One of the main signs that someone has a control issue is that they want everything done according to their schedule’s needs. Other prominent symptoms include having everything in place at home, and things must be done their way or the highway.
3. Correcting People is Essential
Errors are not allowed in a controlling person’s life. If a blunder should happen around this person, they will feel compelled to point out the error. Mistakes and things going wrong makes them feel extremely anxious, angry, and frustrated.
Whenever you’re in the presence of a control freak, they will use this as an opportunity to correct you or point out your wrongs. They won’t hesitate to let you know about anything you do that is incorrect, even sending misspelled words on a text. They won’t mind embarrassing you in public if it means making themselves look superior to you.
If they should find something you do as an error, you will never hear the end of it. Sadly, they don’t want to see you improve your life, so their advice isn’t coming from the right place. Rather, they want to show how they are exceptional in all ways, as they’re always right.
4. They Don’t Delegate
Controlling every situation is hard work, but these people aren’t good at delegation. They feel compelled to do everything themselves as they think no one else is qualified. These behaviors stem from trust issues.
If they should delegate a task, then they feel that it won’t be done with the same expertise that they can do it. Even if they should ask for help, they will probably show you how to do it and end up doing it all anyway. Or, they can also delegate a task and then pick apart the work you do.
A control freak will go over something time and again looking for errors. You may hear them make remarks like, “Am I the only person who can get things done right around here?”
5. They Want to Change Others
A control freak believes that they know the best way for everyone, and they tend to be a bit narcissistic. They want everything done their way, and they are not against using manipulation tactics to accomplish their goal. They are superior at micromanaging others as they have a strict set of expectations.
Sometimes this person comes off as forceful when things aren’t done their way. They use passive-aggressive tactics to discourage you from doing things that they don’t approve of. Their words of advice come off as they care about you when they only want you to conform to their methods.
6. They’re Not Team Players
Working as a team player can be hard when you are controlling. Individuals working as a group doesn’t allow the control freak to assert their authority. These people are usually the leaders in any group, and they will dictate how others in the unit should behave.
7. They’re Moody
You may notice mood fluctuations if you or someone you love is a control freak. The mood swings come from being on edge and stressed out about frustrations in life. Remember, these people have underlying insecurities that cause them to feel chronic failures. Their desire for perfection can take them to the breaking point.
8. They’re Judgement and Critical
You will find that control freaks are judgmental and critical. There’s almost nothing they don’t have an opinion about. They don’t view their thoughts as thoughts, but they are fact.
Anyone who doesn’t agree with the person who must control every situation is wrong. No one can ever live up to their high expectations, and even if they try, they will find a reason to criticize it. People may view this person as hypocritical.
In defense of the controlling person, they have no control over their demeaning methods. It’s an instinct, and they don’t know any other way. Many people will see them as negative, so having a relationship with them seems to be impossible.
9. They Will Never Admit They’re Wrong
One of the most annoying traits of a controlling problem is that they will never admit that they are wrong. Even if they have been caught, getting them to realize it is next to impossible. Rather, this person will shift the blame onto others to make themselves look good.
While they won’t hesitate to call you out on your wrongdoings, when the shoe is on the other foot, they can’t take criticism. Their bruised and frail ego must be protected, so admitting they’ve done wrong will never happen. They worry about how others perceive them, so they will never admit a mistake even if they’re caught.
10. They Micromanage Others
Do you need to know what everyone is always doing around you? If so, then you are probably a controlling person. As a manager, this individual needs to be copied on every email and take the time to read each one. They are often demanding and will stop at nothing to have their expectations met.
11. They’re Perfectionists
Controlling every situation often makes these folks a perfectionist. They fear what others think about them, so the quest for perfection is driven by the desire to be superior. They must achieve flawlessness in their eyes so that others also see them that way.
The only way they can accomplish this goal is by controlling every aspect of their life. Their lawn must be the most manicured and greenest on the block, and they will only drive the latest and greatest automobiles. It’s all about keeping other’s perceptions in superior lighting.
Final Thoughts on Dealing with the Control Freak in Your Life
It’s easy to be resentful of people who are controlling. Someone who is controlling is fighting inner demons that you cannot see. Do you see some of these characteristics in your life?
The need to control almost always comes from previous traumas that have left a person vulnerable. They may have been abused as a child and have developed coping mechanisms to get through adulthood. How others view them is extremely important to these folks because they felt inferior and substandard somewhere in their lives.
If someone you love is displaying these manipulative behaviors, then you need to talk to them. The longer these behaviors continue, the more resentment you will build towards this individual. If you find that you have these cunning ways, then you should explore the reasons why.
Belittling people and exerting control over others are signs that a fundamental issue must be handled. Thankfully, a controlling person can tackle the problems that bother them and learn to let go of the need for perfection.
Life is not perfect, nor will it ever be. There are always going to be things that are beyond your control. However, you can learn coping skills to handle these situations in a positive manner. You don’t want to hurt or belittle people as it only cuts down their self-worth.
When things feel like they are out of control, it’s okay to ask for help. It’s also okay to admit when you think that you’re in over your head or that you don’t know how to do something. People don’t look at others as inferior when they need assistance; rather, they look at them as human beings.
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