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Lifestyle

Your Name and the True Friends Who Defend It

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Proverbs 22:1 reads, “A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.” In other words, according to the “Good Book,” a person’s good name is to be valued about all else. Your name isn’t available for purchase. It must be earned, and when the situation calls for it, defended.

Who defends your good name? Well, of course, you do. But so should those who love and respect you. Relatedly, this article is all about the importance of a good name as well as those people who defend it.

We’ll discuss why a good name is essential and to be valued about all else. We’ll discuss who defends you, why you need them in your life, and how to “recruit” more people to do the same.

Let’s do this!

What’s In A Name?

Let’s dissect the typical name. In the United States and some other places, one’s “full” name comprises the first, middle, and last names. In other parts of the world, the middle name is unheard of. Still, in others, last names (or surnames) come before the first, which might sound a little confusing.

Let’s start with the first name.

Have you ever asked – or do you know – why your parents gave you your first name? It’s relatively common for parents to name their children after a relative or someone they admire. If you haven’t asked your parents, give it a try. You might just be surprised by what they tell you! The same applies to your middle name if you have one.

Then there is the last name. Many of us never think much about our last name, but we should. The last name goes back generations and generations – and probably to distant lands. As you probably know, many older generations were forced to overcome almost unimaginable hardships for you to be here today. Indeed, your life would probably be much, much different was it not for the sacrifices of your ancestors.

A “Case Study”

To illustrate the importance of one’s name, here’s a case study involving the author of this article. This writer would eventually find out the following:

  • The surname originates from an Italian island named Sicily, the largest island in the Mediterranean Sea.
  • His great grandparents left Sicily shortly after the beginning of World War I.
  • His ancestors, along with about 84 percent of Southern Italians and Sicilians, fled their homelands because of poor agricultural conditions and oppressive rule.
  • People died during transcontinental voyages in those days due to poor vessel conditions and lack of health care.
  • Because of the freedoms offered in America, they were able to build a successful family business and provide for their children.

Do you know your family’s history? Changes are good that they had to live through some pretty tumultuous times to give you and your family a better life. You have the right to be proud of your last name and from where you came.

Why Would You Need To Defend Your Name?

“Good name in man and woman, dear my lord,

Is the immediate jewel of their souls:

Who steals my purse steals trash; ‘tis something, nothing; ‘twas mind, ‘tis his, and has been slave to thousands;

But he that filches from me my good name

Robs me of that which not enriches him,

And makes me poor indeed.”

– William Shakespeare, Othello (source)

Your good name is everything. It’s your reputation, credibility, and more. When others hold your name high regard, the world is yours. The moment that people begin to question your good name, life becomes much more difficult.

In other words, your name is more than just a name. It represents everything for which you stand. Your name embodies your character, judgment, values, and many other traits. Since it carries such vast importance, it’s only natural to hold it close to your heart. As with anything intensely personal, you are not afraid to defend your name if necessary. When would you need to do this? Let’s think of a few examples.

  • If someone is spreading lies about you
  • When a colleague to discredit your work
  • When a classmate or someone else accuses you of cheating
  • If a stranger wrongfully accuses you of something
  • If someone questions your commitment and motivations without merit

There are dozens of situations that may call for you to defend your name. But what about when you aren’t there? Who can you depend upon?

The Kind of People Who Defend Your Name

“Build a good name. Keep your name clean. Don’t make compromises, don’t worry about making a bunch of money or being successful – be concerned with doing good work and making the right choices and protect your work. And if you build a good name, eventually, that name will be its own currency.” – William S. Burroughs (source)

Who would defend you if you weren’t there? With the opening of the social media floodgates and mass production and consumption of mobile devices, knowing the answer to this question in this day and age is more important than any other time in history. When anyone with a hidden agenda can try and sabotage you, it’s good to have these folks solidly in your corner.

On this note, we’ve already mentioned those who are more likely to defend your name should the need arise loved ones and close confidants. Why? “Well, because they love me,” you might say. Perhaps they do. But it takes more than love for someone to come to your defense. What else does it take?

People who safeguard the names and reputations of others usually have a few traits in common. Among them: compassion, conscientiousness, courage, strength, selflessness, sense of justice, and an excellent moral compass.

People who possess such traits don’t take it well when the character of someone they care for is under attack. Can you think of a time when you came to someone’s defense who was being slandered?

your name

Befriend the Right People

So, we’ve discussed at length what’s behind a name. Perhaps you even learned a couple of interesting things about yourself. You know that the title – and the weight that it carries – is never to be taken lightly. It must be defended.

One way to help ensure that your name is defended is to make the right type of people your friends. Before considering someone as a friend, observe their character and intentions. In this regard, ask yourself the following questions:

1 – Is it their first instinct to talk about themselves?

If your “friend” insists on dominating conversations with tales from their life, it’s safe to assume they are neither selfless nor a good listener.

2 – When effort is required – for work or some other obligation – how much do they contribute?

Conscientiousness is a requisite in a good friend. Thoughtful people will always fulfill their part.

3 – Can they listen without interrupting?

Okay, so if your “friend” can’t listen for more than a couple of seconds without interrupting or seeming disinterested, they’re probably into themselves far too much. You can’t rely on such a person.

4 – Do they have my back?

We’re not (necessarily) referring to money here. A true friend – and someone who would take up for you – would never deliberately take advantage of your generosity.

5 – What is their general reputation?

While one shouldn’t judge another based solely on their past mistakes, a bad reputation has a way of following someone everywhere they go. If there are a greater number of people who speak poorly of someone than those who sing their praises, it’s probably not a good sign.

your nameFinal Thoughts on Your Name and Friends Who Defend It

The bottom line? Choose your friends wisely and continue to treasure your loved ones. By being diligent in these things, you’ll find that there is never a shortage of people who would defend your name.

The post Your Name and the True Friends Who Defend It appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

10 Red Flags That Reveal Your Partner’s Telling You a Fib

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One of the foundations of any relationship is trust and honesty. Unfortunately, many people don’t have an honest partner and are left to decipher if what they are being told is the truth.

If you have a hard time deciding whether or not to believe your partner, then you need a few tips to help you. Here are ten red flags that can reveal that your significant other is telling you a fib.

10 Signs Your Partner is Telling a Fib

Here are ten red flags that reveal a fib.

1. They Won’t Look You in the Eye

The most significant indicator that someone is lying to you is that they won’t look you in the eye. They always say that the eyes are the window to the soul, so you can tell that their soul is not right if they can’t even look at you directly.

Whether it’s a little fib or a big lie, people often avoid eye contact. They will look off to the corner or even look at the ground. If you see them avoiding looking at you head-on, then ask them to look you in the eye and tell you the truth. You might see their house of cards tumble right before you. A liar doesn’t like confrontation.

2. They Sweat as They Fib

For some reason, the body tends to sweat when it’s under duress. Telling a fib is just the type of stress that causes the body to react. Experts believe that cortisol levels rise when someone is facing a fearful situation, and this hormone activates the fight or flight response in the body.

You may see sweat beading upon their forehead, or it may also drop from their hands. Depending on how big the lie, they may drench themselves. It all depends on their level of guilt and how their body reacts to the line they are feeding you. Anyway, if they start sweating when they are telling you a story, then it’s hot, or they are fibbing.

3. They List Character Witnesses

One of the first things that people do when they are caught is that they attempt to get others involved. Your partner may name ten friends that you can call for a witness. These friends probably know nothing about the situation. They are just fillers in the conversation to make their story look more believable.

If you were to ask for the number to one of these friends, then the entire story may change. If your partner tries to lie to you and give you a list of buddies that you can call to verify, then ask for specific information and call their bluff. Watch them sweat when you want telephone numbers and last names. If they eagerly give them to you, then they are probably going to have them cover, or they are not telling a fib after all.

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4. They Can’t Sit or Stand Still

If you’ve ever observed a child when they are lying, they are often fidgety. They can’t sit or stand still because they know inside that they are doing wrong. When your partner is telling you a story, you may notice that they have a hard time staying still.

The twitching and moving back and forth is all caused by nervousness and anxiety. They know they are feeding you a line of bull, and the thought of telling you the truth is scary. It could cost your relationship, or you may find that they cheated. They fear what may happen If and when you find out what’s truly going on.

5. They Use Avoidance Techniques

If you ask your partner over and over about something and they refuse to answer, it could be that the truth is too hard for you to handle. Avoidance is an excellent way to tell if someone is lying. They may try to redirect the conversation to other things.

If it’s a text message communication, they could avoid the topic altogether. They may give you a blanket explanation and then never want to talk about it again. If you bring up a question that you feel needs to be discussed, and they shut you down, it’s something that needs to be investigated.

6. The Story Has Holes in It

If you’ve caught your partner before in lies, then it’s likely that you can spot the holes in their story early on. Look for any inconsistencies or things that point to deception. For instance, they may say they were out with a particular friend and then slip another name because they forgot who they told you they were out with that evening.

A fib can have as many holes in it as Swiss cheese, so you must learn to decipher every word they say, especially if they have a long history of being dishonest with you.

7. Their Voice Sounds Strange

When someone is not telling the truth, their heart can race, and the anxiety can make their voice crack or sound different. Have you ever run up a hill and lost your breath? Well, being in a state of angst can make you feel as if you’ve just run in a marathon.

If you notice that your partner is having a hard time getting the story out, their voice is cracking, or they are short of breath, then these are all signs that point to anxiety. It’s time to do some detective work if the conversation makes them this uneasy because they are indeed hiding something.

8. They Turn on the Waterworks

Women tend to use tears more than men, but men are not afraid to cry when they might lose something or someone they love. If your partner overspent on the credit card or cheated on you, then they may turn on the tears to try to get into your good graces.

Men and women alike have learned how to manipulate one another through emotions and body language. Women tend to be able to turn on the tears quicker than most, but they have learned over the years that male counterparts almost always fall for them. If your partner is quick to turn on the waterworks when they are confronted about something, then you might want to tell them to stop the drama because you want the truth.

phrases of a liar9. They Have a Panic Attack

You already know that anxiety can play a big part when someone is telling a lie. Lie detector tests measure the breathing and heart rates to determine if someone is dishonest. Thankfully, you can quickly understand without a machine.

Someone who is trying to tell a false story could have a full-blown panic attack. An anxiety attack can have symptoms of the following:

•Impending Doom
•Feeling as if they are going to pass out
•Difficulty breathing
•Choking sensations
•Nausea and vomiting
•Sweating
•Lightheadedness/Dizziness

All these sensations can be signs that they are trying to avoid telling you the truth, or they have fed you one big lie. It’s up to you to decide whether they are telling you the truth or using dramatics to feed you a line.

10. They Volunteer to Take a Lie Detector Test

The lie detector test has always been the hallmark of proving whether a person is lying or telling the truth. If a person feels like they will get caught in a lie, they will often swear on a bible and want to take a lie detector test.

Now, the beauty in this statement is that you can pay and have your partner take this test to prove their innocence or guilt.

The downside to this statement is that your partner knows that you are never going to take the matter this far. They believe that telling you that they are willing to take such a test is enough to prove their honesty.

They have no interest in taking a test to prove that they are telling the truth. Rather, they are using this statement to sway your belief that there’s no way they could be lying if they are willing to go to such extreme measures.

fibFinal Thoughts on How to Use Your Senses to Spot a Fib

Did you know that your senses can make spotting dishonesty easy? First, you can see and observe their behavior. If they are fidgeting or unable to look you in the eye, then their behavior is suspect.

You can use your sense of sound to hear a cracking voice or one that is out of breath. You may also be able to identify inaccuracies in their story.

If something sounds fishy to you, then it probably is a lie. Your sense of touch may be able to pick up on cold, clammy hands and other feelings that are associated with sweating caused by anxiety. If their honesty isn’t in question, then they wouldn’t be having signs of an inward struggle outwards.

Lastly, your sense of smell can come into play. If you smell a rat, then chances are you are being fed a big line of deceit. Both men and women have an intuition that can help them in these situations. If your partner is telling you a fib, then you need to call them out on it.

Don’t accept the garbage they are trying to feed you, especially if this is not the first time. You will find plenty of fish in the sea, and many of them will be more than happy to tell you the truth. Do you want to be with someone dishonest anyway?

The post 10 Red Flags That Reveal Your Partner’s Telling You a Fib appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

How to Spot a Serial Cheater Before You Fall in Love

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Just because you enjoy sharing with others doesn’t mean you want to share your love. Most people prefer to be their mate’s one-and-only and consider cheating a deal-breaker. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if you could spot a serial cheater before falling in love with him?

Yes, many people go through life in countless casual relationships, free of commitment. They are upfront in the beginning and let the other person know that their love life is a revolving door. For them, cheating isn’t an issue since they have been honest and aren’t interested in committing to anyone.

Perhaps you’re like most people in America who prefer a monogamous relationship. Of course, you needn’t be married to be in a committed relationship. If you have a mutual agreement as a couple, you will consider having anyone on the side as cheating.

How can you be sure that you aren’t beginning a new relationship with a serial cheater? Is finding a lifelong love worth risking heartbreak? Alfred Lord Tennyson believed so when he wrote that losing in love is better than never finding it.

Dealing with matters of the heart is a risky business. If you’ve been in toxic relationships in the past, you may be hesitant to try again. When a serial cheater breaks your heart, it’s understandable that you’d have trust issues.

How to Spot a Cheater

So, you’ve met a guy who meets all your love material criteria. He’s handsome, charming, and has a rewarding career. After dating for a while, you can picture yourselves as a forever couple. He seems to say all the right things and has his life together, or does he?

Before you step out on a limb for love, set your heart aside for a moment and listen to your intuition. It’s easy for your heart to be oblivious to red flags in a relationship. Protect yourself from a toxic relationship and learn to recognize these signs that your person may be a serial cheater.

1 – He’s Got a Sordid History of Broken Relationships

Very few people are lucky in love once, and it lasts a lifetime. Most people date and have a couple of serious relationships before they find their forever partner. Just because you aren’t your man’s first love interest doesn’t mean he is a cheater.

However, be suspicious if he openly brags about all the women he’s loved and dumped. Do you want to be another checkmark in his little black book? Most serial cheaters have a sketchy reputation, and it might be worth your while to reconsider trusting him.

2 – He is Rarely Available for You

It takes two people to tango, so why does he have you dancing solo so often? Even married couples have jobs and other responsibilities that keep them apart for a few hours or days. You shouldn’t expect your man to be available every minute of the day.

If he loves you, shouldn’t he want to communicate with you regularly? It’s not that you wish to him psycho calling or texting you constantly, which is a tell-tale sign he’s either a control freak or is desperate. You don’t need that situation, either.

Does he seem to have difficulty penciling time with you into his schedule? Why do most of your texts go unanswered, and your calls go instantly to voicemail? Maybe he is juggling dates and invitations from another woman.

serial cheater

3 – He is More into Himself

A man who takes pride in his appearance and exudes self-confidence is quite attractive. However, no woman wants to be in a relationship with a narcissist who hogs the mirror. Do you know that instant turn-off you get when you meet a guy who thinks he is a divine gift to women?

Yes, you want your man to dress nicely and have a gentleman’s manners. Does your current beau take it to the extreme and can think of nothing else but his vanity? This guy may be used to strutting his stuff around more than one lady.

4 – He Shamelessly Flirts with Other Women Around You

While even the best guy may naturally be a bit flirtatious, it takes a lot of gall if he is checking out other women in your presence. If he is in a steady relationship with you, you certainly have a right to expect his full attention.

The next time you’re out with your lover, watch how he interacts with the opposite gender. Is he always chatting up the pretty servers at the restaurants as if you weren’t even there? Does he act a little too flirty around your best girlfriends?

5 – Clues that go Unsaid

It doesn’t take long for a serial cheater to get a bad reputation around town, leaving a trail of broken hearts and vengeful spirits. So, he moves his nefarious love schemes to another town or even another state. After a while, he’s up to his old tricks, and you may be caught in the crosshairs.

When you’re together in public, have you noticed glances from women you don’t know? Has he ever seemed shifty and nervous when an unfamiliar lady enters the room? Maybe a woman at another table gives you a one-second look of pity, then looks away.

These nonverbal clues might be your signal to rethink your new relationship. He may have forgotten the fury of a scorned woman, but their apparent glares say it all. Before you join their ranks, you might not want to get too attached to him.

6 – You Are the Other Woman

We all know that two’s company and three is a crowd, especially in a love relationship. Perhaps the reason your new romantic interest is acting so peculiar and vague is that he’s already attached. Even worse, he could be married and have a houseful of children in another town.

If you forgo the voice of your conscience and stick with him, things may get ugly. Even if he decides to break up with his other girlfriend or divorce his wife, you may live with a tinge of guilt in the future. If this guy used you to cheat on someone else, the chances are that he will eventually cheat on you.

signs of cheating

7 – He Acts Suspiciously

Yes, we’ve all done things that haven’t made us proud, and we don’t advertise them. However, relationships must be built on trust, which means you don’t hide things from each other. If your new beau seems vague about his past, his job, or even what he did yesterday, what is he hiding?

If he guards his phone like a secret service agent, it should be a red flag. Why does he go into the other room when he’s texting or talking on the phone? Does he seem antsy if you ask to borrow his phone, or does he carry it with him even to the bathroom?

When you’re on a date, and his phone is Grand Central Station, is he vague and dismissive when you ask about it? If it was nobody on the phone, then why does nobody keep calling and texting? He could be entertaining another woman by text while you are sitting right across from him.

Be aware of his body language when he talks to you because it may reveal if he’s lying to you. Does he have difficulty making eye contact with you, or does he seem jittery when you ask serious questions? If he is lying to you about one thing, could he be lying about being unfaithful to you?

8 – His Social Media Presence Doesn’t Include You

Do you suspect that your lover may be a serial cheater? A few simple online investigations can offer you clues. Check out his social media pages and notice his profile and picture sections. Why would he still say that he is single and available instead of in a relationship?

Are his photo albums loaded with pictures of you both having fun as a couple? How many photos of unfamiliar women do you see who are still leaving flirty comments to his posts? If he has current profiles listed on prominent Internet dating sites, your relationship is in trouble.

9 – His Conversations are Superficial About Commitment

Forging a committed relationship is nothing to take lightly. While you needn’t get married, it’s assumed that both partners pledge to be faithful and won’t cheat. A serial cheater is so used to cheating that even hearing the word commitment or fidelity makes him nervous.

He has honed his courting skills to perfection, and he tries to say everything he thinks you want to hear. Did he start the early stages of your relationship with crafty clichés like he’s never felt this way before, or can’t breathe without you? He is breathing fine after telling the last thirty women the same lines before dumping them and playing you.

serial cheaterFinal Thoughts on Unmasking a Serial Cheater, Once and for All

When you’re falling in love, you hope it’s with someone who loves you in return and will be faithful. If you have a suspicion that your current beau may be a serial cheater, trust your instincts. Refuse to allow him or anyone else to betray your trust because you deserve better.

The post How to Spot a Serial Cheater Before You Fall in Love appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

Therapists Reveal 14 Red Flags of a Doomed Relationship

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You’ve seen it happen–what looks like a relationship made in heaven suddenly fizzles. You wonder what happened. How can you prevent this from happening to your relationship? So, what are 15 red flags of a doomed relationship?

Love is healthy for you. According to one study, love activates parts of your brain that reduce your stress levels and gives you a sense of pleasure. That’s powerful. But sometimes a relationship goes wrong, turning into a toxic relationship. This process doesn’t happen overnight. Like a balloon slowly losing air, the bond deflates over time.

Here are 14 red flags that reveal a doomed relationship

Here is advice on how to cope with your toxic love life.

1 – Loss of friendship

Many people dismiss the idea that you can be good friends with your partner. They assume that means there’s no romance. But you can maintain your passion and be good friends with your partner. In fact, these kinds of relationships last longer because of their deep friendship. Friendship involves respect, care, and loyalty. These qualities are beneficial to romantic relationships as much as they are to friendship. Often, the longer couple is together, the more their friendship and romance grows.

2 – No honest communication

Studies show for a relationship to be long-lasting, there must be honest communication. Shallowness reveals a lack of genuine desire to grow the relationship. Talking honestly about your feelings makes you vulnerable.

If your partner isn’t willing to go deep, it could be a sign they’re not in the relationship for the long haul. There is the possibility your partner isn’t comfortable talking about their feelings. They may want to go deeper, but they don’t know where to start.

You can help by asking the right questions. Don’t try to ask all of them at once. Ask one or two questions at a time. Don’t interrogate, have a desire to learn and listen. Here’s a list of 12 talking points to spur more in-depth conversations with your partner.

  • What part of our relationship makes you happy?
  • What’s your biggest fear related to our relationship?
  • What does love mean to you?
  • What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done? Why?
  • What’s your favorite memory of our relationship so far? Why?
  • What’s one thing you want to ask me, but are scared to ask? (I promise not to get angry)
  • What do you think is a strength in our relationship? A weakness?
  • If you could change our relationship in one way, what would that be?
  • What bad thing has happened to you that has turned into a positive blessing?
  • If you had a billion dollars, what would you do with it?
  • What’s the worst thing that’s happened to you? Why?
  • What’s the best thing that’s happened to you? Why?

3 – Secretive emails, phone calls or text

Keeping secrets is never a good sign in a relationship. Hidden conversations make you feel left out and not valued. It’s tempting to think your partner is cheating on you. Being secretive hurts your relationship’s trust and sense of protection.

If your partner is sending or receiving secretive texts or emails, ask them if you can talk to them. In an inquiring, calm way, ask them about the secrets. If they say it’s not a big deal or accuse you of stalking them, they’re not taking you or your relationship seriously. Secrets divide, they don’t promote faithfulness.

cheating spouse

4 – Make decisions without talking to your input

If your partner makes a big decision without talking to you first, this is a sign of a doomed relationship. Decisions like large money purchases, or a vacation, buying or selling a house, or where to spend the holidays are significant. Big decisions should be discussed between a couple because they affect both people.

Independent decisions like these are often a subtle way of saying they’re disinterested. If your partner is doing this, ask them why. Don’t accuse, but calmly tell them what they’re doing is hurtful and confusing. If they defend their right to be independent, you may want to rethink for you to reconsider the relationship.

5 – Loss of respect

Respect is a foundational part of any relationship. Respect means to admire or esteem. If you respect someone, you consider their feelings, rights, and wishes. Respecting one another builds trust and loyalty in your relationship. Toxic relationships lack respect. A partner who doesn’t respect you will try to control you. Don’t stay in a relationship that lacks mutual respect. It’s headed for disaster, and you will eventually get hurt.

6 – Sarcasm and toxic humor

Having a good sense of humor is vital in a relationship, but toxic jokes at the expense of your partner do harm. Sarcasm about your partner’s looks, abilities, or feelings causes deep wounds. This kind of humor is toxic to a relationship. It tears and destroys. Some people bring this type of sarcasm into a relationship because they’ve never seen a relationship built on mutual trust and love.

If you’re doing this, it may be helpful to seek professional counseling to help you heal from your hurts and learn how to relate in a healthy way to your partner. If your partner is using sarcasm or toxic humor against you, you may need to draw a line.

Never stay in a relationship where you are belittled, mocked, or made fun of. This feeling isn’t healthy. Your partner may apologize or say they were just kidding, but this is weak. Toxic humor is never a joke.

7 – Anger or manipulation

Another component of a toxic relationship is anger and manipulation. Anger tears down relationships. It’s a profoundly destructive way to relate, leaving fear and mistrust in its wake.

Manipulation is forcing someone to do what you want without them realizing your real motive. It’s deceitful and just a desire to have power. Manipulation is sometimes seen in the way a man relates to women. But women aren’t exempt.

They may manipulate with pouting or being overly sensual. It’s still an attempt to get what you want using different methods. It’s immature, and a shallow way to treat your partner. Both anger and manipulation are big red flags of a doomed, unhealthy relationship.

8 – Differing values

Many relationships start excellent, but as time goes on, differing values get in the way of the relationship. Things like family, religion, self-discipline, i.e., exercise and eating, self-improvement in career or education, money, and children are significant values you bring into your relationship.

When you get past the early stages, you may find yourself on different pages when it comes to family or going to church or career choices. Your values are part of who you are. If your partner doesn’t value what you value, it may work out.

Instead of being a couple, you will be two independent people living together. If you and our partner lack common values, this could be a red flag that your relationship won’t last.

doomed relationship

9 – Not resolving conflicts

Minimizing conflicts, or pretending like everything is okay, isn’t healthy in a relationship. Over time, things will start to decay and erode your affection towards one another. All couples have conflicts. It’s a normal part of being in a relationship.

What’s important is how you solve your conflicts. Learn how to have a fair fight. Fair fights have boundaries. These boundaries include

  • Stay calm, don’t erupt into anger.
  • Don’t use the word “always.” No one “always” does anything…
  • Never threaten to leave or move out.
  • Don’t change topics, stick on a theme for each conflict even if you think another issue relates.
  • Never name call or belittle the other person.
  • Listen, don’t interrupt even if you don’t like what they’re saying.
  • Repeat back what you thought they said, “I think I heard you say…” If you aren’t getting it right, have them explain again what they meant.
  • Say you’re sorry, then ask them to forgive you.
  • Find common ground where you agree.
  • Pick what’s worth arguing about and what isn’t. Putting someone’s dirty dishes in the dishwasher may not be worth having a significant conflict over.

If everything you discuss turns into a big conflict, this is a red flag that you’re in a domed, toxic relationship.

10 – Not willing to sacrifice

Being in a relationship involves self-sacrifice. Self-sacrifice isn’t a dirty word. It’s defined as giving up one’s self-interest to help others. It means you care for someone else besides your self. It could be demonstrated by you giving up your favorite television show to help your partner with paint the livingroom.

Or you coming up with some great craft ideas for your partner’s children who come over for the weekend. Giving up your time, energy, and love for your partner’s sake deepens your relationship. If your partner isn’t willing to give up things for your sake, it should be a big red flag.

11 – Being critical

Partners who are picky about your clothing, your hair, or your career, aren’t in love with you. They are in love with the image they want to project. True acceptance means loving a person for who they are, not what you want them to be. It doesn’t mean you can’t make suggestions or share ideas, but being critical about these things shows you aren’t accepted.

Critical people are never happy. They critique everything you do and say. This nit-picking is deadly to a relationship. Sadly, negative people rarely see their faults, because they’re too busy pointing out everyone else’s flaws. You can try to point this out, but you will probably get corrected for it. This habit is a red flag that you’re in, a toxic relationship that is sure to fail.

12 – Flirting with other people

Flirting with other people while in a relationship speaks volumes. It’s a red flag if your partner is doing this. Never think that’s just the way she is, or it’s not that bad. Public flirting with someone else is a slap in your face.

Never accept a weak excuse like, “I was just having fun” or “it’s nothing, why are you making such a big deal of it.” This excuse is deflecting and being dishonest. Your partner is showing you they aren’t as committed to the relationship as you are.

13 – Acting single

If your partner acts like they’re single, that’s a red flag. If they more I more than we, it reveals they aren’t into the relationship. Going places without inviting you along, or choosing to do things without telling you indicates your partner isn’t ready for a committed relationship but probably want to stay single.

14 – Loss of affection

If your relationship lacks affection, it’s headed in the wrong direction. Affections and intimacy is a big part of a genuine connection. Hugging, kissing, cuddling, or snuggling up with your partner is healthy and demonstrates love. If this is lacking, you are little more than roommates. Don’t fall into this trap; find ways to initiate affection with your partner every day.

If you are the only one initiating affection, it may be useful to find out why. Some people had poor examples of a healthy relationship growing up. They need to learn how to be affectionate. But if your partner is unwilling to be tender, this could be a bad sign of a doomed relationship.

doomed relationship
Strong women will never accept these behaviors in a relationship.

Final thoughts on recognizing that you are in a doomed relationship

If you recognize these signs, all hope is not necessarily lost. If both you and your partner can commit to reconnecting and strengthening your bonds, you can try to heal. However, sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to recognize that it is time to cut the cord on a doomed relationship.

The post Therapists Reveal 14 Red Flags of a Doomed Relationship appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

Therapists Explain Why Parents Need a Weekly Date Night (no kids!)

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Parents have a big responsibility on their shoulders. Not only do you have a career that you must keep up with, but you also juggle your household responsibilities while raising children. Is it any wonder why therapists say that date night and bonding time with your partner is essential?

Somewhere in the mix of all the things, you must do in a day is the responsibility to take care of you. Your partner also has essential needs. Think of your relationship as a plant. If you never water your houseplant, what will happen in a week, month, or a year?

The plant will lose its color as it dries up and dies. Your relationship must be watered and pruned to blossom into something great. Bonding time with the one you love is not something that is done when you have nothing else to do, but it should be prioritized.

Why is Date Night Important?

Therapists explain how to set boundaries if you work from home with the kids nearby.

If you’ve put your relationship on the back burner so that you can focus on the kids, your job, and all the other things you need to do, you may find yourself alone. Here are the reasons why therapists say that you need to incorporate weekly date night into your life as the social isolation can be damaging.

1 – You Need to Stay Connected

You need to have a set date night where it is all about you and your love. You want your relationship to take precedence in your life too. When you have a scheduled night, it gives you time dedicated to talking about all the things going on in your life.

Many couples just give each other a quick kiss on the way out the door in the morning, come back home to a house of chaos with dinner, chores, and get the kids bathed and to bed. There is little time to devote to one another’s needs. Some people find it quite romantic to have a time set aside that is just for them.

During your date, make sure there is a quiet place where you can talk. Just because you have children and careers doesn’t mean that you stop dreaming. Where do you see yourself in a year, five years, or a decade from now? Growing old together takes careful planning, and you want to make sure you’re both on the same page.

Connecting with your partner is about more than romance. You need to communicate on a spiritual level. If you want your relationship to last and thrive, then you will ensure that a date night is planned each week. Don’t give them the leftovers of your hectic life. Instead, make sure that they are a priority.

2 – Your Children are Watching

Teaching and training children are a big responsibility. They watch your every move, and they will even mimic you throughout life. How many times did you say that you didn’t want to be like your mom or dad, yet you find yourself using the same phrases and punishment methods with your children?

Your children are also watching how you treat their other parent. They will pattern their life and relationships based on what you teach them. If they grow up in a home of dysfunction where the parents are fighting and arguing constantly, they will think this toxic behavior is normal.

However, if they grow up in a home where they see their parents love and nurturing their relationship, these behaviors become commonplace. Think of it as planting seeds in a garden of life. One day, those seeds will sprout and form into mature plants.

Your children are like seeds. They are slowly growing and becoming wiser and stronger. When they are fully grown, you want them to be healthy and full of sustenance. They will use what they learn in their formative years to raise their family, and you are a significant part of this development.

Healthy relationships are essential as your children are watching you. If dad opens the door for mom, then the son learns that he should open the door for his partner in life. Showing the proper way to treat a lady or man has a ripple effect, and it will come back around.

3 – Your Needs Are Important Too

Every man and woman needs companionship as it’s a part of their makeup. You need to be cuddled, kissed, hugged, and have someone think you are spectacular. Your needs are essential in life.

If you do not have someone who makes you feel like the man or woman you are, then you will feel like something is lacking in your life. When the world seems cold and dark, you can always find sunshine and light in the eyes and heart of the one you share a relationship with.

Many couples put a great deal of emphasis on each other and their needs in the beginning. However, the cares of life tend to bog you down. When you’re no longer in active pursuit, it’s commonplace to lose the zeal and thrill of the chase.

However, you must put your needs at the top of your to-do-list. Love and relationships are an essential part of life, and they are just as necessary to a human being as getting your next meal.

etiquette
Here are 15 rules of etiquette every parent should teach their kids.

4 – Parenting is Tough

One of the reasons therapists suggest that you go on a date night without the kids is because parenting is tough. You need to have one day where you can get out without your brood in tow.

You need one night where you don’t have children hanging on your every word and clinging to your legs, calling your name. Your mind, body, and soul need a break from parenting on occasion. Don’t feel guilty or like you are letting your kids down if you take a break.

The parent who takes time for their needs will do a better job and be more relaxed. Have you ever got to the point where you were so stressed out that any little sound made you feel like you were reaching the boiling point? Feelings like that can cause you to lash out when the situation isn’t nearly as bad as it seems.

You need a date night so that you can be a better parent. You will be surprised how wonderful you feel once you’ve had a break from the daily grind. It gives you a whole new perspective on life.

5 – You Need Something to Look Forward Too

Life would be pretty dull if all you had to look forward to was going to work and coming home to make dinner. It doesn’t matter if you’re 25 or 50 years of age, you need to have something that you anticipate.

Having a bright spot in your week can give you the strength to get up one more day. Life would be boring if all you ever did was work. Your date night should include things like:

•Trying new restaurants

•Watching the latest movies

•Taking long drives in the country with the radio blaring

•Going to concerts

•Going wine tasting

•Walks along the beach of a lake or the ocean

•Hitting the shopping mall

•Bowling or playing other games together

screen time
Doctors explain how too much screen time affects brain development in children.

6 – Avoid Becoming Logistical Partners

The final reason you need to make sure you have a night for dates each week is that you will become logistical partners if not. Does the bulk of your conversations involve around who will take Suzie to piano practice, while picking up Bobbie from his baseball game?

Children can run you ragged, especially if they are involved in extracurricular activities. If you are like two ships that pass in the night, then your relationship will suffer. If your conversations are always about someone or something else, then you need to refocus your attention.

How many times have you heard someone say that they broke up because they just drifted apart? They are not mad at each other, and they didn’t leave on bad terms. It is just that they lost the closeness that they once felt. It’s sad because it happens every day.

date nightFinal Thoughts on Planning a Weekly Date Night

You probably feel like you’re pulled in 150 directions during the week. Your children need you; your job requires you, and your household needs you. However, the most important thing of all is that your spouse needs you.

To create a healthy family environment where your children can grow and be well balanced requires you to have a good relationship with your partner. Your children are watching how you treat each other, seeing if there is any affection, and they know if you would rather fight than be in the same room.

Remember all the reasons why you got together in the first place. Keep the flame and passion alive by incorporating a date night into your routine. The bonding time you create during this dedicated time is what you need to get through the pressures of life. It’s okay to feel like you are dating again and having fun. It’s what life’s all about.

The post Therapists Explain Why Parents Need a Weekly Date Night (no kids!) appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

20 Lifestyle Changes That Help You Be Happier

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Many lifestyle changes can help you be happier. Happiness isn’t something that happens by chance or by luck, it’s something that you can work on.

Happiness is the ultimate life goal, and it sometimes may seem out of reach. This outcome isn’t the case, however, because you can easily be happier. By changing some aspects of your life, you’ll notice a significant change in the way that you feel.

Before you know it, you’ll be happier all the time, and your life will continuously get better.

Lifestyle Changes That Help You Be Happier

1. Be Positive

This advice goes for both your thoughts and the words that you speak. While you may not think that you can control your musings, it is entirely possible.

When you find yourself thinking negatively, make an effort to change it into something positive. Likewise, when you are tempted to say something negative, say something else instead.

Over time, you’ll find these positive thoughts and words forming without effort. With this change, you’ll notice yourself being much happier overall.

2. Count Your Blessings

Even when it seems that everything is going wrong, there are still things to be grateful for. Think of all the good parts of your life.

This could be your favorite place to go or your favorite person to see. It can be your home or yard, or anything else that brings a smile to your face.

There is always something that you can be grateful for. You just have to find it. Remind yourself of your blessings each time you find yourself experiencing unhappiness. This, too, will become natural for you, and it won’t take much effort after a while.

3. Manage Your Finances

Money can be an enormous obstacle when it comes to living a happy life. When bills get behind, or there isn’t enough money to do what you want, it can be discouraging. The sooner you get your finances in order, the happier you’ll be.

You can do this by setting and following a budget. Another easy way to get your finances under control is to find things you can do without.

If you pay for cable each month but rarely use it, that is a good one to drop. Same with unused gym memberships, or any other subscription that you don’t utilize enough. Additionally, you can lower utility payments by being wiser about your water or electricity usage.

You could also come up with a savings plan to set aside money for upcoming purchases. This will make it easier and less stressful when the time comes to use the money.

4. Make Exercise a Priority

Exercise can be life-changing in more ways than one. Aside from the physical effects, it can also help your mind. Research shows that regular exercise can make you happier and smarter.

Exercise is one of the most effective ways to combat unhappiness, stress, anxiety, and depression. Plus, it can increase your self-esteem. With all of these perks combined, exercise is the perfect way to help you be happier.

Start gradually, increasing the length and intensity over time. Taking a walk each evening or doing yoga once a day is an excellent place to start. There are many exercise options, however, so find the one that you enjoy best.

body shaming

5. Eat a Well-Balanced Diet

Taking care of your body is essential when it comes to your happiness. You’ll feel better, think more clearly, and be happier if you are eating a healthy diet.

Research shows this is because healthier food options can increase the amounts of serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine in your body. These are all hormones that will make you feel good, boost your energy levels, and help you concentrate.

6. Forgive Those Who Have Hurt You

Harboring negative feelings will make you unhappy, no matter the circumstances. By forgiving those who have hurt you, you’ll be letting go of some of the pain. Then, you’ll be able to move on and be happy fully.

7. Smile More Often

Of all the lifestyle changes that will help you, this one may be the easiest to implement. It may seem far-fetched that forcing a smile can make you happier, but there is research to back this theory.

The research shows that simple facial expressions can initiate emotions. Your brain can recognize the feeling you are trying to convey, and you’ll begin to feel a little happier.

8. Spend Time Doing Something You Love

Life gets busy, and leisure seems to be the activity that gets skipped when time is short. It’s important to make relaxation a priority, however, or you’ll get stressed out and unhappy. Make time to do something you enjoy, and you’ll experience happiness.

9. Avoid Comparing Yourself to Others

In the age of social media, it’s easy to get caught up in comparisons. It’s essential to avoid this, however, because it can interfere with your happiness.

Just remember, you aren’t the only one moving laundry baskets out of the background of photos. No one’s life is as perfect as it appears, so it’s not fair to compare yourself to anyone else.

10. Be Encouraging

While it’s important to encourage yourself, it’s also important to inspire others. By being encouraging, you’ll find yourself being more positive in general. If you make it a habit, you’ll find yourself happier.

11. Practice Deep Breathing

It’s only natural that you get stressed at some point. When you feel yourself getting tense, follow these steps:

  • Close your eyes and think of something happy
  • Take deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth
  • Repeat the deep breathing until you feel calmer

12. Get Enough Rest

Sleep is vital for your body and mind. You will have a more positive mindset if you have gotten enough rest. This will help you think happier thoughts and be more positive overall.

13. Use Your Time Wisely

You’ll be happier if you use your time wisely. Your deadlines won’t be so overwhelming, and you’ll be able to relax and feel calmer.

When you waste time doing things that don’t matter, you’re only causing problems for yourself. Avoid this if you want to be happy.

14. Write in a Journal

When you’re having negative thoughts, write them down. Getting them out on paper will help you release the feelings and move on.

By releasing those feelings and getting them out in a positive way, you’ll feel happier. The more often you do this, the easier it’ll be to let go of bad things in your life.

15. Declutter Your Space

Clutter can cause stress and other overwhelming feelings that can interfere with your happiness. If you make your space a place you enjoy, you’ll feel better.

Put up photos that inspire you or remind you of what makes you happy. Decorate with simple things that make you feel relaxed. Then, make sure everything is put away so that you can enjoy the space you put together.

quotes to uplift

16. Make a List of Things You Want to Do

This list can be short-term or long-term, or can even be your bucket list. Make sure you’re crossing things off your list regularly. This will help you feel personally accomplished, which will make you happier.

It’s essential to feel like you are getting things done for yourself, rather than just for work or home. When you do something you want to do, you’ll feel more in control of your life. Leisure is just as important as work.

17. Take Some Time Each Week to Unplug

Cell phones, laptops, and tablets can drain you mentally. Take some time to shut it all off and spend time unplugged and out of touch with the world. This will help you refocus and think more positively.

18. Spend Time Outside

Fresh air and nature can help you feel happier and inspired. Whether you enjoy the beauty in nature or you just bask in the fresh air, you’ll find yourself more relaxed.

This easy lifestyle change is one you should make a regular part of your day. Even a short amount of time outside can boost your mood and help you think more positively.

19. Re-think Your Relationships

If there are any relationships in your life that make you feel bad about yourself, it may be time for a change. Likewise, if there are any relationships that you think are holding you back, re-think those, too—the people you surround yourself with play a significant role in your happiness.

20. Spend Time with People You Love

Once you have re-thought your relationships, spend time with those who are left. Spending time with close friends and family will boost your spirits. Making sure to do this regularly will make you happier even when you aren’t with them.

happierFinal Thoughts on Lifestyle Changes That Help You Be Happier

You won’t be happier if you aren’t willing to make some lifestyle changes. These changes will make you a better, happier person.

By implementing and practicing a few of them, you’ll find a significant change in yourself. Then, you can work on some of the other lifestyle changes later. You owe it to yourself to be happy, so make sure to make it becoming a happier person your top priority.

The post 20 Lifestyle Changes That Help You Be Happier appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

If You See Ravens Often, This Might Be Why

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If you’ve been seeing ravens often in your life, the universe wants you to pay attention to the subtle meanings behind their presence. This spirit animal comes to you when you need guidance or reassurance on your path in life. People often associate ravens with bad omens or darker energy, but they also symbolize other, more positive things as well.

Seeing ravens often signifies that you have a strong, mysterious energy force in your life. They may show up when you feel you need to reflect on your character and your life as a whole. Perhaps your strong energy may influence others in a negative way, so this bird shows up when you need some introspection. Below, we’ll talk about the history of ravens and their relationship with humans.

Cultural depictions of ravens

In ancient texts and mythology, people often associated ravens with loss and ill omens. However, their symbolism carries many meanings depending on culture and belief systems. Ravens also represent great insight, prophecy, and a medium between the human and spirit world. They are said to bring messages from beyond for the people who really need them.

French anthropologist Claude Lévi-Strauss came up with a theory that people associated the raven with mystical properties because it served as a totem between life and death. Because ravens eat the decaying flesh of other birds, they have a long association with death and bad omens. For instance, in Swedish folklore, ravens are the ghosts of those who’d been murdered without a proper burial. In German literature, ravens are damned souls.

In Greek mythology, ravens are associated with Apollo or the god of prophecy. They have been historically known to bring bad luck. According to one story, Apollo sent a white raven, or a crow in some versions, to spy on his lover, Coronis. When the raven brought him news that she had been unfaithful to him, he burned the raven with his anger, turning the raven’s feathers black. According to this story, that’s why all ravens are black today.

Research about raven behavior

Though they have small brains, ravens have a lot of intelligence that we humans don’t give them enough credit for. A new study found that ravens can work out social dynamics in other raven groups, which only humans had been shown to do previously.

Jorg Massen and his colleagues of the University of Vienna wanted to discover more about the social skills among birds, so they studied ravens, which live in social groups. In their study, researchers looked at whether ravens had enough intelligence to understand relationships in their own social group as well as in groups they had never been part of. Ravens in a social group fight over their ranking in the group, like ravens who have a higher social status get first dibs on food and other important resources.

deceased loved one

The pecking order in a flock of ravens

Males always outrank females and fights usually occur between members of the same sex only. These confrontations, not surprisingly, are fueled by the higher-ranking birds who seek out the lower-ranking birds in order to assert their dominance and reinforce their social status. In the groups, the submissive birds put out a specific call to say they recognize the dominance of the higher-ranking birds. Just the same, the dominant birds put out a call to reiterate their high ranking.

However, sometimes the lower-ranking birds respond to the dominant birds in a non-submissive way. This is known as a dominance reversal call, which usually results in confrontations that sometimes change the social structure among the raven social groups.

Massen and his team gathered a group of ravens to make note of their conflicts. These included normal conflicts and dominance reversal calls. They also recorded calls from a different group of ravens housed separately. The team moved some ravens from the group to a separate enclosure. Then, researchers played recordings of different calls to mimic situations in nature where the ravens would overhear other ravens in a conflict.

Massen said they monitored the ravens’ responses to the calls to see if they responded differently to normal dominance calls and reversals. They used recordings taken from the other group to see if the ravens recognized that same behavior in other social groups.

Relationship stress

When ravens heard a reversal call within their own group, they showed higher stress levels because they expected some conflict to arise and bring changes in the social structure to follow. They either ran around or pecked at their own feathers, clear signs of stress in ravens. They showed even higher levels of stress when the dominant reversal calls came from members of the same sex. This isn’t surprising, because ranking confrontations only occur between members of the same sex.

Female ravens showed higher stress than males, likely because they already have a lower ranking than males so changes in the social structure affect the females at the bottom more drastically.

Hidden meanings of this spirit animal

Many people feel that ravens represent spiritual signs or messages. If you see ravens often, this is probably why:

  • You have great wisdom or intelligence, which people often come to you for.
  • Magical, mysterious forces surround you
  • The raven totem may appear when you need a spiritual rebirth
  • You need to cast darkness from your life so the light can get in
  • It could mean death or a bad omen, in some cases
  • Signifies recovery and healing
  • A great transformation will take place in your life

Is the raven your spirit animal?

Some cultures believe that everyone has a certain spirit animal that brings them greater wisdom from beyond. You will relate deeply to this animal, and you may even act like it sometimes. If you resonate with the raven, you have strong, powerful energy. However, you need to use it wisely, because it can overpower your judgment and bring negative energy back to you.

spirit animal
Read to find out how to identify your spirit animal.

Other spirit animal traits of the raven:

  • Fearless and strong – ravens have a powerful energy force and don’t fear anything in life.
  • Transformation- Ravens symbolize rebirth and grand transformation.
  • Solitude – Though ravens are social creatures, they need plenty of time alone to recharge and reflect.
  • Not afraid of the darkness – you see the importance of balancing both sides of creation.
  • Mischievous- If you’ve been told that you play pranks on people often, this might be your spirit totem. However, make sure to keep others’ feelings in mind so you don’t take it too far.

If this black-winged bird is your spirit animal, others might regard you as a prophet or bringer of important news. If you resonate with the raven, you have traveled to the darkest depths of your soul to bring forth the light. You may also enjoy being alone more than you like being around others.

So, if you see ravens often, this is what it means:

  1. Expect change.

Ravens can have both negative and positive symbolism, so if you see these birds often, expect a change of some sort in your life. No matter what change may happen, try to remain even-minded, and remember that the universe will only give you what you can handle. If you’ve been having more vivid dreams lately that seem to have strong messages or omens, then the raven totem may be calling to you.

  1. Your strength and bravery will reward you.

Other people may look to you when a crisis happens because they see you solid like a rock. Ravens carry this strong energy as well, so if you’ve been seeing them more lately, perhaps they want to warn you of a big change coming that you need to prepare for.

  1. You should pay attention to how you treat others.

Even though others enjoy your playful, sometimes mischievous nature, you need to make sure to not overdo it. Sometimes you can forget about others’ feelings, so just be mindful of how others react to you so that you can adjust your behavior accordingly. Others may say you intimidate them with your powerful energy, but this doesn’t mean you should change. Perhaps just tone it down a little and avoid being brash with people.

  1. You’re not afraid of the darkness.

You’ve explored both the dark and light sides of yourself and know that much can be learned by making friends with your dark side. However, choose your battles wisely, because you don’t need to travel into darkness unless you have a good reason.

ravens spirit animal
Learn five ways to tell if the spirit world is trying to contact you.

Final thoughts on why you see ravens often

As with any other totem spirit guide, animals will show up when you need certain messages and signs relayed from another realm. Maybe you’ve lost your way recently and need the powerful raven energy to remind you of your inner strength. Or, you may be on the verge of a huge awakening, and this animal came at just the right time. If you see ravens often, know that they symbolize prophecy and ancient wisdom. And, they are protecting you and providing you with a source of universal energy.

The post If You See Ravens Often, This Might Be Why appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

13 Habits Of Parents Who Give Kids A Better Chance of Being Successful

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All good parents want their children to be successful. They hope to provide their kids with the tools they need to reach lofty goals and live a happy, comfortable life. But that’s much easier said than done!

It’s stressful being a parent as it is, just on its own – a rewarding but incredibly challenging journey. Add the pressure of creating higher chances of success for your child to the pile of your responsibilities, and it can all get pretty overwhelming.

Luckily, kids are capable of achieving success without fancy tuition classes, expensive private tutors, and too-high expectations. There is plenty you can begin doing today to foster them into a better life.

Here are 13 habits of parents who give kids a better chance of being successful.

1. They Foster A Close Parent-Child Relationship

For children to be able to tackle the world, they first have to feel that they have a safe and secure relationship with their parents and family. This bond provides them a strong base for them and enables them to tackle the world better.

According to a study by the University of Minnesota, the positive effects of a stable and loving parent-child relationship has been proven by research to create the following long-term results:

  • Better academic results in childhood
  • Achieve higher academic attainment in adulthood
  • Create healthier relationships with others
  • Raise their future offspring in a healthy and supportive manner

2. They Read To Their Kids

Reading bedtime stories is a simple, routine task that most don’t think twice about. Most children will end up outgrowing it quickly. The British Cohort Study, however, has shown that it nets positive results in children’s intellectual growth.

Here are some of the benefits that are gained as a result:

  • Better reading, literacy, and language skills before elementary school
  • Higher academic test results
  • Faster progress in spelling, vocabulary, and mathematics

3. Successful Parents Pay Attention

Despite what positive thinking might tell you, showering a child in gifts is no substitute for genuinely listening to them. Research by the University of Delaware in 2014 has shown that paying attention creates children that:

  • Are more likely to become successful
  • Establish healthier interpersonal relationships
  • Achieve better academic test results
  • Are more inclined to pursue higher education

4. They Make Kids Do Chores (instills a successful work ethic)

It’s tempting to let your child focus on studying or working and do the household chores by yourself. However, the Harvard Grant Study has proven that this results in children who do not learn to contribute and help their peers.

Instead, it is better to teach your children to do the chores and have them help you manage the house. This responsibility teaches your children to understand that to participate in life. They also need to do the work that is involved. The study also found that children raised on doing chores become:

  • More empathetic with those who are struggling
  • Better collaborators and co-workers
  • More capable of handling tasks independently
empathy class
Learn how schools in Denmark now include empathy training in the classroom.

5. They Limit Screen Time

A study conducted by Ohio State University in 2011 has shown that children who spend more time watching television develop poor communication skills. Time spent watching TV also inversely also reduces parent-children communication time. Instead, try doing the following:

· Reduce TV-Viewing Time

Even if you’re watching the same show together, the suppressive effects of TV on your child’s communication skills are still an issue. This is because both parents and children don’t communicate while passively watching a show.

· Read A Book Together

Reading together and talking about the story not only creates a healthy communication environment, but it also fosters a closer bond between both parent and child.

· Play Together

Playtime with shared toys is another great way to teach a child communication and social skills, in addition to strengthening parent-child relationships.

6. They Encourage Grit In Personality

Discovered by and defined by a psychologist from the University of Pennsylvania in 2013, grit is a success-driven personality trait that pushes one to maintain positive thinking and complete long-term goals.

What most people don’t realize is that there’s a reason not everyone is capable of imagining and committing to the future they want. Grit has to be taught and cultivated by parents in childhood, and then encouraged as they grow up and start pursuing goals.

Grit correlates with the following things that lead to successful lives:

  • Higher grade-point average in Ivy League undergraduates
  • West Point cadet retention
  • Higher educational attainment
  • Maintaining one’s US National Spelling Bee rank

7. They Have High Expectations

Setting impossible standards is never healthy, primarily if you do not provide your children with any support. That said, a 2001 study by the University of California showed that maintaining positive thinking and high expectations for your children is essential. It can invoke the Pygmalion effect and create a self-fulfilling prophecy based on your expectations.

Regardless of income level, children of parents with high expectations tend to:

  • Have higher academic attainment
  • Score better on standardized tests
  • Have better class attendance
  • Be more likely to attend college

8. They Practice Authoritative Parenting

Of the three parenting styles that were discovered by a study from the University of California, the authoritative parenting style is often the one that produces the most favorable result. This outcome means that the parent:

· Is Not Authoritarian

Parents who practice authoritative parenting avoid forcing their children to conform to their specific ideals. As a result, their children do not feel controlled or restricted.

· Is Directional

Practitioners of this parenting style provide a robust framework and firm guidelines. This gives the child a structure to refer to and seek guidance from while learning to develop their own.

· Encourages Independence

While the child is given strong limits at first, those limits are gradually eased as the child grows older. The child is also encouraged to set, develop, and maintain their own limits as they become more mature.

9. They Teach Social Skills

As it turns out, research from Duke University and Pennsylvania State University has proven that instilling good social skills in childhood better prepares them for their future. This shouldn’t really come as a surprise, considering that one of the important aspects of parenting is ensuring one’s child is ready for society.

Adults with good social skills are more likely to:

  • Find full-time employment sooner
  • Earn a college degree
  • Be more emotionally mature
  • Be better at sympathizing and empathizing
  • Cooperate with peers without the need for prompting
  • Be problem solvers

10. They Allow For Failure

Failure is part of becoming successful.

It’s tempting to micromanage a child’s life to avoid the disappointment and frustration associated with failures. However, research on helicopter parenting has proven that this actually is poor parenting, and can have damaging effects that last well into one’s adulthood.

This is especially so when most micromanaging parents end up doing tasks for their adult children, such as booking doctor appointments for them. While it does show some minor positive effects, such as increased success in college and finding employment, many of these children end up unable to live independently from their parents.

On the other hand, children who face age-appropriate failure are:

  • More inclined to use positive thinking in the face of struggles
  • More self-reliant when in the pursuit of tasks
  • Better at dealing with anxiety and depression
  • Better at bouncing back from a setback

11. They Work – Especially Mothers

The struggles and hardship of a working parent are not one to scoff at, but at least there are some silver linings to be found in providing good role modeling. Research by Harvard Business School has shown that children of working parents – mothers in particular – are more likely to:

  • Stay in school for longer
  • Earn better income
  • Help more with childcare and household chores
  • Study longer
  • Hold better job positions

successful

12. They Teach Self Control

A 32-year study that was published by the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that the results of having better self-control are profound enough to have a positive effect on the children’s outcomes as adults – even if they shared the same family background.

The same study also found that teaching children how to control their impulses not only made them more stable but also resulted in:

· Better Health

Children with good self-control would go on to lead healthier lifestyles and be better inclined to avoid unhealthy snacks and developing unhealthy eating patterns.

· More Money

As a result of having developed better impulse control in childhood, these children would go on to become adults that are less likely to splurge needlessly.

· Better Behavior

Adults with better self-control are less likely to engage in impulsive, dangerous, or problematic behavior.

· A Lack Of Substance Abuse Problems

Better self-control results in children who are less likely to develop substance abuse issues as adults.

13. The Parents Have A Good Relationship

Arguments and conflicts are inevitable in just about any relationship. However, research by the University of Illinois has shown that children of parents in high-conflict relationships often fare worse than their peers – regardless of the marital status of said parents. They are also far more likely to develop and harbor loss and regret as young adults.

As a result, it is probably best to do the following for the sake of your children:

· Resolve Conflict Calmly And Quickly

Studies have proven that conflict affects children negatively, and results in poor adjustment for children.

· Don’t Avoid An Inevitable Divorce

If it is healthier for you and your partner to stay apart, then there is no point in staying together for your children. The negative effects of conflict will have a stronger impact on your children than that of a divorce.

· Maintain Minimal Contact

Not all divorces are amicable. If each contact results in conflict between you and your partner, it is best to keep said contact to a minimum to avoid negatively affecting your children.

sibling rivalry
Therapists explain how to put an end to sibling rivalry.

Final Thoughts On Some Habits Of Parents Who Give Kids A Better Chance Of Being Successful

So you haven’t been doing these habits? No worries! It’s never too late to start, and your child will still benefit from a gentle and gradual inclusion of these habits into your and their lives. Your love, encouragement, and thoughtful care of them will contribute greatly to their futures.

Remember, your child is their own unique, individual person. Their chances of becoming successful go up when they are supported and given unconditional love – and, of course, when they are raised well! But do keep in mind that stereotypical depictions of success aren’t compulsory for your child to live a happy, healthy life.

The post 13 Habits Of Parents Who Give Kids A Better Chance of Being Successful appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

10 Ways to Move Out of the Friend Zone and Into A Relationship

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When it comes to relationships, there’s nothing worse than being stuck in the “friend zone.” When you long to be a lover, being trapped in this minimal position can cause you a significant internal struggle. Some people are afraid to move forward, while others battle conflicting emotions for months or years of their life.

It’s humiliating to be only thought of as “just a friend” when you desire so much more. Many times, people are afraid to take the next step because they’re worried they will lose a good friend, embarrass themselves by admitting their feelings, or are worried that it won’t work out. It’s complicated to make the shift from friend to lover, but you must follow your heart.

You can live in silent torment if you’re pining away after someone who is a close friend, and you want more. The long nights of hopelessly wanting and waiting for more seems unbearable. If you’re going to put your feelings on the line and still maintain a sense of dignity, then here are some ways to move beyond the “just friends” state.

10 Ways to Make it Out of the Friend Zone

1. Assess the Risk

There are significant risks to jumping out of the friend zone and into a relationship. What would happen if it doesn’t work out? Once you’ve crossed that line, it isn’t easy to go back to just friends. Can you handle the possibilities of them out of your life?

Make a pro and con list of how to handle the situation. Do the benefits outweigh the risks? Have there been any behaviors or indications from him or her that they want more? Think carefully before you make your next move.

2. Develop a Game Plan

Once you’re ready to get out of the friend zone, it’s time to formulate a plan. Do you want a romantic dinner by candlelight to tell them how you feel, or do you want to take them to a park surrounded by nature? It’s essential that you set the stage for the big announcement.

Make a straightforward plan of what you will say, where it will be, and how it will occur. Maybe you could take them to your favorite coffee shop to talk over a cup of Joe.

3. Find the Right Time

Timing is everything in life. You don’t want to ask for a person to leap out of the friend zone the week of finals. If their mind is already overwhelmed by everything going on, then you may not get a receptive response.

Additionally, they may not feel that they’re in a place to develop romantic attachments with so much other stuff going on. It’s best to find the right moment. Then again, there may never be a perfect time, and you shouldn’t prolong the conversation as it only extends your torment.

4. Empower Yourself with Confidence

Whether you’re a man or woman doesn’t matter, it’s challenging to speak up when your dignity is on the line. You must use courage over your fear to tell the other person how you feel. If you don’t take the chance to speak up about your feelings, you may lose them to someone more open and honest.

You need to muster up all the internal strength you can find to tell this person the truth. Remember, you have nothing to lose by being honest, and you might gain everything. It’s always better to be upfront and truthful than to sit by and remain quiet and frustrated.

5. Don’t Go Straight to Sexual Places

If you’ve never had a talk with your friend about being more than just buddies, you shouldn’t go right to sex talk. Sure, they’re smoking hot and sexy, and you dream about making love to them, but if you come out of the gate with this statement, you may scare them away.

It would be best if you told them why you feel so strongly about them. List their qualities that you find attractive such as their eyes or hair. Also, you should bring out things about them that you appreciate beyond physical beauty.

If you want to give your conversation power and merit, then you need to speak your heart. There will be plenty of time for romance later. Right now, you need to get down to business with a serious conversation about your future.

6. Have a Conversation Face-to-Face

There are some conversations that you don’t have by text or by email, and flipping from a friend to a lover is one of them. It’s easy to send a text and wait anxiously for them to answer, but it’s best to look them eye-to-eye and tell them how you feel.

The direct contact and body language let them know that you are serious about them. The other party needs to see how much this means to you. They need to hear the conviction in your voice and see the warmth in your eyes.

It’s easier to say “no” when you’re sending a text, but it’s more challenging to deny true feelings in a person to person setting.

relationship quote

7. Don’t Beg

You want to keep your dignity intact in case this conversation doesn’t go the way you want. Try to come up with a statement that is a few sentences at most. You want to get to the point and stop chattering.

Don’t beg or plead or make bargains for someone to want you as more than friends. Either there’s more there, or there isn’t. You need to state your peace and then give him or her time to say how they feel. Always speak directly to them and be confident. Don’t hesitate or stutter over your words.

quotes

8. Be Honest with Yourself

Regardless of how things went down, you need to be honest with yourself. If they didn’t give you the answer you want, don’t hold on thinking they will change their mind. You are only wasting precious time that you could spend with someone else.

If they admitted that they have feelings for you and want to move out of the friend zone, you need to be honest enough to realize this changes everything. Once you cross from friends to lovers, there’s no going back to the way things were.

9. Make Them Miss You

If you didn’t get the answer you want, or they need time to think about things, then you need to give them some space. One of the best tricks in the book is to make them miss you so that they can see how much they genuinely care about you.

Being in the friend zone for an extended period can mess with your mind. While men and women can certainly be friends, there’s always that inner drive that makes one or both want more at some point and time. If they’re unsure how they feel about moving on from the friend zone, spending some time apart may be just what they need to sort out their feelings.

10. Admit Defeat and Move On, If Necessary

You don’t want to hang around any longer than you need too. If you’ve put your feelings on the table, then things will never go back to the way they used to be. If they don’t want any romantic attachments with you, then cut your losses.

There are very few times in these instances where you can salvage the friendship as most of the time. People will go their separate ways. When one wants to be romantically involved, and the other wants to be just friends, it doesn’t work. Admit the relationship was never meant to be, and simply move on.

friend zone
Here are the signs that reveal your guy friend is interested in romance.

Final Thoughts on Admitting Defeat if You Do Not Break out of the Friend Zone

The old saying states that it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have experienced love at all. Perhaps, Alfred Lord Tennyson was never stuck in the friend zone when he made such a statement. Still, with each time you give a piece of your heart away, it’s one part of it that you can’t get back.

There is no better feeling than love. It can get you through the darkest nights and give you a reason to get up in the morning. Sadly, there is also no more considerable pain than that of lost or unrequited love.

Think long and hard before you attempt to make the jump from friends to lovers. There is much at stake, and this move will change everything. Try some friendly flirting first and see how and if they respond to your subtle advances.

It’s always best to have some assurance before you take the plunge, but sometimes you must close your eyes and jump!

The post 10 Ways to Move Out of the Friend Zone and Into A Relationship appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

10 Quirky Habits to Avoid That Probably Annoy Your Partner

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All is fair in love and war,” or at least that’s what the famous adage says. Being head over heels in love with someone is fantastic, but that doesn’t mean that their quirky little habits won’t drive you batty.

Did you know that most relationships end over silly things, and many of these personal habits can be changed?

Now, you should never go into a relationship with the hopes that you will change someone’s ways. If they’ve been leaving the cap off the toothpaste for 20 years, it’s highly doubtful that you are going to make them turn over a new leaf. Thankfully, some people are willing to change or do better and put their quirky little habits to the side of the sake of love.

Ten Quirky Habits That Annoy Others

These twelve red flags might reveal that your partner is secretly hiding something from you.

So what are the most annoying personal habits that can drive another person mad? You might be surprised that things like throwing clothes on the floor and drinking out of the milk jug didn’t make the cut. You probably won’t be shocked by the items on the list, and if you do some of these things, then maybe it’s time to change.

1. Avoiding Domestic Obligations

While cleaning isn’t high on anyone’s list, it certainly is an essential part of a relationship when you live together. Guys tend to leave the toilet seat up and the sink full of dishes. A clean home is always a happier home.

Did you know that when you have a clean and organized space, it can help you to relax? There is some psychology behind having your home in order. Some people cannot function in chaos, be it in their home or work. So if you’re not a domestic god or goddess, then this is something that can annoy the other person.

2. Releasing Bodily Gasses

Everyone has gas from time to time. Whether it’s breaking wind from your backside or burping, it’s not a pleasant experience for those around you. There is no way you can stop the inner churnings of your body, but you can be discreet about how you relieve yourself.

If you feel the urge to burp, then cover your hand with your mouth to avoid any foul smells from protruding out. It’s also polite to say excuse me when this happens. If you must break wind, then, if possible, excuse yourself to the other room. No woman or man wants someone passing gas continuously while they are watching a movie or at dinner.

A “slip out” occasionally is acceptable and considered normal. However, if you’re always having these issues, then buy some gas reliever pills or leave the room as a courtesy. You may need to change your diet or see your doctor if your need to relieve gas becomes excessive.

quirky habits
Here are twenty things that cause humans to fart.

3. Talking About Ex-Lovers

Everyone has a past, but you don’t want to hear about their past time and again. While you need to be transparent with your partner about who you’ve been with, they don’t want to listen to his or her name repetitively.

The worst thing a person can do is compare you to their ex-lover. Get everything out on the table at the beginning of your relationship, and you should leave the past behind you and move forward. If you continuously mention a past lover, then they may feel that you still have feelings for that person that you haven’t resolved, which may be the truth.

4. Sleeping Too Late

One of the worst personal habits that can drive your partner crazy is when one person sleeps half the day. Are you a night owl, and your partner is an early bird? You must be on somewhat of the same page for your relationship to work.

If your partner hits the gym at 6 am and has half of the day done by the time you get out of bed, it can be a real issue. Try to get on a similar schedule that works for both of you. Staying up too late and sleeping all day can mess with your circadian rhythms and even your mental health.

5. Inappropriate PDA Balance

Public displays of affection mean a lot to some people, and others try to avoid them. It would help if you discussed your preferences on this matter at the beginning of the relationship, or it can be a quirky habit that is a source of contention.

Some people don’t like to draw attention to themselves or their bodies while in public. If you want to melt into the room and your partner wants to be the center of attention, things can get uncomfortable.

6. Always Negative

It’s hard to be positive 100 percent of the time, but it can bring you down when someone is always negative. Do you find that your partner tends to be a pessimist while you are more of an optimist? No one likes to be around a “Debbie Downer” or a “Negative Nelly,” so you need to bring attention to this quirky habit.

Call them out on their negativity, and you should give them tips and tricks for looking towards the sunny side of life. Sure, there are things that you can focus on that can be extremely uncomfortable to deal with, but your attitude will dictate everything.

spark between two people
Recognize the signs of a spark between two people.

7. They Talk Down to You

No one wants to be with someone who puts them down or acts superior. If you feel like you don’t do anything right in your partner’s eyes, then it may be time to move on. People who are talking down to you are trying to cope with insecurities within themselves.

There is usually a reason why people are looking or speaking condescendingly to you, and most of the time, the issue has nothing to do with you. Some may call this a quirk, but it isn’t polite to put yourself in a lofted position and look down on those around you, especially your partner.

8. Constantly on The Phone

There is nothing more infuriating than someone who is on their phone 24/7. If you are trying to talk to them, but they are too busy playing games, answering texts, or taking calls, it speaks volumes about their interest in you. There should be a dedicated time for you to talk on the phone, and there should be time to spend with your partner.

Don’t play second fiddle to an electronic device as they may have a smartphone addiction. Your relationship must be significant enough to put the phone down, and your partner should listen to what you have to say.

9. Doesn’t Like Your Friends

Your partner is not going to like every one of your friends, but there should be some mutual respect. Understand that your significant other has a life outside of you. Just because you’re in a committed union doesn’t mean that you should lose your individuality.

There is usually an underlying battle about friendships. Guys don’t like giggly girls hanging out at the house, and women don’t want the buddies hanging around playing poker. Some people forget their buddies when they start dating seriously. If your partner doesn’t like your friends, they don’t need to be down on them or wanting you to avoid spending time with them either.

10. They Don’t Care About Their Outward Appearance

Call it quirky or downright disgusting, but some people have horrible hygiene. There’s nothing worse than someone who doesn’t have very high regard for the way they look or smell when they’re in public. It can be very embarrassing if your partner hasn’t washed their hair in days, or their shirt is so dirty that it could stand up in the corner alone.

You can ask someone to shower more, use deodorant, or wear some perfume/cologne, but you can’t make a person who has lackluster hygiene change. If someone would rather wear a wrinkled shirt and soiled jeans to the store with bedroom slippers, you should have a serious talk with them about their appearance and how it affects you.

quirky habits of a partnerFinal Thoughts on Working Through Annoying and Quirky Habits

Coming together to form a union, whether through marriage or a verbal commitment, can be a difficult task. You will always find all these little quirks and habits that drive you crazy about your lover. What you can’t do is let these habits define your relationship.

There are some quirks that you can and should put up with as part of being a couple. However, there’s a big difference in missing the trash pickup a couple of times and talking down to you. You must evaluate if the relationship is healthy enough to sustain the good and bad times.

Many people think that they’re in love when they start dating. Consequently, true love doesn’t occur until you’ve seen a person at their best and their worst. Once you’ve sat beside someone at a hospital, funeral, or held their head while they were sick and vomiting, it’s only during these storms of life that you truly learn to love and respect each other.

Lust fades, but a commitment build on true love will withstand the test of time. Does your partner have quirky habits, of course, they do? You must ask yourself if these little habits are relationship breakers.

The post 10 Quirky Habits to Avoid That Probably Annoy Your Partner appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com