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10 Things That Happen That Show Your Relationship Is Draining Your Energy

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We all want to be in positive relationships. No one sets out to date an emotional vampire or an energy thief. But sometimes, you may not notice that something is draining your energy until you’re too tired to think much of it.

Relationships are far from easy, and it isn’t a smooth road by any means. But constantly feeling exhausted isn’t normal, and it’s a big red flag you should pay attention to. Here are some things that happen that show your relationship is draining your energy.

10 Things That Happen If Your Relationship Is Draining Your Energy

1. Everything is about your partner.

Relationships are supposed to be about equality. If your partner dominates every aspect of your shared lives, you may be in a draining relationship. Here are some ways this may happen.

a) Conversation

You may feel like your partner is always dominating all the conversation and every single situation. They might speak loudly or cause a scene to draw attention in public, or they may simply talk over you or cut you off.

This can happen whether you’re talking in a group or it’s just the two of you. They seem to think their voice is more important than yours.

b) Constant crisis

Your partner may also seem to be perpetually going through a rough time or be panicking about something, no matter what. They may always be stressed out, and most of the time they’re just making things much bigger than they really are.

Even worse, when you bring up something that is troubling you, they might cut you off and insist that what they are dealing with is worse. For them, everything is a tragedy, as long as it’s happening to them.

c) They’re on your mind

There’s a difference between being so in love your partner is always on your mind and being so worried about your partner and what they’re doing that you can’t stop thinking about them.

If you spend too much time fretting about your partner, they might be draining your energy. If you keep hearing their voice chastising you or can’t stop worrying about what they think of what you’re doing, it may be time to leave.

2. You are walking on eggshells around them.

Relationships are meant to be peaceful. If you’re in a relationship, you should feel relaxed and free, and as though you can share anything with your partner.

If it’s reached the point where you have to constantly watch every move you make, you could be in a relationship that is draining your energy. For example, on a regular basis, you may:

  • Feel nervous about talking about something because your partner might get angry
  • Constantly watch everything you do to avoid upsetting your partner
  • Worry that relying on your partner at all will cause them great distress
  • Avoid certain subjects for fear of your partner reacting disproportionately or badly
  • Fear that even the slightest misstep will get you in trouble

This surefire way to show your relationship is draining your energy is what many call eggshell relationships. These relationships are incredibly toxic and are sure to exhaust you. If you’re always walking on eggshells, it may be time to find a new road to walk on.

3. You feel like you’re being controlled.

In a healthy relationship, each person has their own agency and freedom. In a draining and practically emotionally abusive one, you might feel controlled all the time. Your life may feel like it is under a microscope and subject to constant criticism.

If you feel like you need your partner’s permission to do simple things, that’s a sign that you need to break it off. This permission may feel necessary to:

  • Hang out with friends
  • Spend your own money
  • Go out
  • Try something new
  • Text or call friends

Your partner may also:

  • Demand to see your phone
  • Demand to know who you’re speaking to at all times
  • Be overly jealous and protective
  • Get extremely angry over small things

These are sure signs that show your relationship is draining your energy – and it’s abusive. It’s a sign that it’s time to move on.

4. Being around each other feels like a chore.

There’s nothing wrong with some me-time. But for the most part, partners should enjoy being around each other and feel positive when together. If you’re having trouble doing so, it’s a sign that you’re dating someone draining. Here are some things to look out for.

a) You count down the days to me-time.

Does being alone for the weekend put a smile on your face? Do you feel excited looking forward to a day you’ll get away from your partner? This is a huge red flag. Your brain is rejoicing from a break from the person who is emotionally exhausting you. There’s a difference between enjoying me-time and not being able to wait to get away.

b) You need to recover after being together.

If after hanging out with your partner you feel very tired and need to recharge, it’s a sure sign that your relationship is draining your energy. If you usually have no problem living daily life but suddenly need a long breather after seeing your partner, it may be time to move on.

c) Conversations are exhausting.

Talking to your partner should be a positive experience. If your conversations quickly devolve into frustrations, exhaustion, and an inability to stick to positive thinking, your partner is draining you.

5. You’re In A Negative Mood Constantly.

Have you noticed that you’re always in a “meh” mood? Is positive thinking impossible to dredge up? Do you feel like all joy has left your life?

According to research done by a team at Carleton University, relationships that are draining your energy do not necessarily mean you’re always sad, angry, or in an awful mood. What they do typically cause is an absence of happiness or joy, leaving you feeling like you’re having a depressive episode.

Take a moment and reflect on your mental and emotional state. Are you truly as fine as you pretend to be? Or is your partner draining you to the point that they’re sucking out all your positive emotions?

6. You’ve stopped doing anything just for yourself.

A healthy relationship gives all parties the chance to practice self-improvement. This can come in the form of:

  • Career-building
  • Making new friends
  • Taking up new hobbies
  • Trying new things
  • Balancing your life

But if your partner is upset when you decide to devote time to your improvement, this is a bad sign and they are draining your energy. This is especially true if your friendships are stifled by a relationship. Studies have shown that socially isolated individuals tend to feel more stressed out and exhausted.

A mature, healthy relationship involves support and advancement from both parties. A draining one stunts your progress – and you deserve better!

7. Your self-esteem is declining.

Feeling good about yourself is important. If you’ve noticed a steep decline in your self-esteem since the beginning of your relationship, you need to take a step back and analyze where it comes from. If it isn’t from depression, anxiety, or some other mental health condition, it might be from your partner.

Emotionally draining partners may criticize you frequently, or take jabs at your insecurities and successes, or even give you backhanded compliments and neg you. These people are highly insecure and do these things to lift themselves up.

In a good relationship, you will raise each other up and support each other. Constant criticism and judgment are not healthy in any kind of relationship.

8. There is constant fighting (and you tend to take the blame).

Fighting is a normal part of relationships, but if every day is dominated by arguments, something is wrong. Fights and arguments are incredibly draining to begin with, so dealing with them often is sure to take a toll on your health.

If your partner tends to instigate arguments and ignores your attempts to de-escalate the situation, they are draining you emotionally. This is especially true if you feel that there is no point in you trying to argue because nothing you say will get through to them.

On top of that, if you always seem to be the “bad guy” who is to blame in arguments, your partner may be trying to shift blame away from themselves and project their issues onto you. According to Ph.D.-holder Lisa Firestone, this is a very good reason to end a relationship.

9. You feel you aren’t listened to and your needs are ignored.

The whole point of partners is to be there for each other, to listen to each other, and to meet each other’s needs when possible and reasonable. If your partner always seems to turn a deaf ear to what you say, that’s a sign your relationship could be draining your energy.

When you talk about your day, your partner is occupied by their phone. Or when you tell them about your problems or worries, you are dismissed and invalidated. When you ask them to fulfill your needs, they say it’s too hard – even when they’re very simple needs to meet.

Feeling lonely and alone, and feeling unheard, are very tiring experiences, especially if you’re pouring your heart out and receiving a terrible response each time. If communication doesn’t improve, it may be time to get up and go.

10. You feel exhausted.

Sometimes, the easiest way to tell if your relationship is draining your energy is to see if you’re exhausted all the time. Feeling constantly unusually tired, especially around your partner, is never a good sign.

If you invest so much love and effort into your partner and they return none of it, you’re going to become drained. When your days are filled with disagreements, you’re going to be tired. If trying to take time for yourself to recharge isn’t allowed, you can’t regain your energy.

Be aware of your energy levels and emotional state. If negative periods are linked to time with your partner and positive periods are linked to time away from them, the problem lies in your relationship.

Final Thoughts On Things That Happen That Show Your Relationship Is Draining Your Energy

If you find that some of these points apply to you, does it mean the relationship must end? Not necessarily. Sometimes, bringing up these issues to your partner and working them out will make your relationship stronger and fix these problems.

But if your relationship includes many of these 10 things that happen that show your relationship is draining your energy, and your partner isn’t interested in changing them, it’s time to let go and move on. You deserve better than an energy vampire!

The post 10 Things That Happen That Show Your Relationship Is Draining Your Energy appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

Scientists Explain The Best Age Difference to Make A Relationship Last

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They say age is just a number, but how true can that be? With society’s tendency to look down on couples with a large age difference, one has to wonder if there are some more serious consequences behind being too free with your chosen numbers.

But do differences in age truly have any effect on relationships and their longevity? The results may surprise you. Here’s how scientists explain the best age difference to make a relationship last.

Scientists Explain What Age Difference Can Make A Relationship Last

1. Research methods: how to determine lasting relationships

This study was conducted by researchers from the Emory University, which is located in Atlanta. The study was run by Hugo Mialon and Andrew Francis, with assistance from Michigan State University’s Randal Olsen to process received raw data.

This research involved 3,000 participants and evaluated their demographics, certain select factors, and the lasting nature or lack thereof of their relationships. In the past, information regarding age gaps in relationships was not widely available, and this study helped to shine light on this little-studied area.

Interestingly, the main point behind this research paper was not to study age gaps at all. Instead, the study set out to investigate engagement and wedding expenditures on married couples and see if these factors affected a relationship’s longevity. The study’s conclusion found that this factor does not relate to longevity at all, a find that could potentially change the way the world views the commercial wedding industries.

In the process of studying factors such as expenditure on engagement and wedding plans, this study also made it a point to collect other potentially relevant data. This included:

  • Age
  • Ethnicity
  • Religion and religious attendance
  • Education level
  • Employment status
  • Income
  • Size of family

As such, there was plenty of data that allowed for other conclusions about the best factors for relationships to be drawn. This allowed people to be able to clearly see and interpret the best age difference to make a relationship last.

With that being said, it’s worth noting that this study did not set out to make a set-in-stone conclusion about age gaps in relationships. Instead, they aimed to better understand trends in romantic relationships and the factors linked to them.

2. Research findings: what’s the best age difference?

There were a number of interesting age-related findings from this study. Let’s break them down one by one.

  1. One-year gaps. Let’s start with couples born within 12 months of each other. Relationships involving spouses with a year or less in age difference were found to have lasted the longest, only having a 3% chance of breaking up.
  2. Five-year gaps. Married couples with an age gap of approximately five years have a divorce rate of 18%.
  3. Ten-year gaps. Couples with a 10-year age gap between them have a divorce rate of 39%.
  4. Twenty-year gaps. Relationships with age gaps of twenty years have the highest chance of divorce by far, with their rates set at a whopping 95%.

This means that the relationships that last the longest and, presumably, are the most positive, involve minimal age gaps. The higher the age gap, the more likely the chances of divorce.

Just for fun, here are some other findings from this research, as well as relationship statistics from other studies that have been proven to be credible and hold significant accuracy.

  1. Children out of wedlock. Families who have their first child outside of wedlock have a 59% higher chance of getting divorced than those who do not have children.
  2. Children within wedlock. Having children during a relationship drops divorce chances by 76%, but increases chances of the couple splitting up due to child-related stressors when their children are older.
  3. Couples who have been together for two years drop their chances of getting divorced by 43%. Meanwhile, those who hit 10 years together are even less likely to divorce by 94%.
  4. A wide difference in education levels between spouses has divorce probabilities of 43%.

3. Reasons behind age difference results

There are plenty of reasons that relationships end in divorce. But why is it that wide age gaps tend to lead to bad endings to relationships? Here are a few speculations.

a) Social convention

It is no secret that couples with large age gaps tend to be looked down upon. Research has shown that those with age differences of 10 years or more don’t particularly receive a lot of positive feedback.

Many times, this social disapproval can lead to decreased relationship commitment. Essentially, if couples do not receive favorable approval from friends, family, and their community because of their age difference, they’re much more likely to break up.

b) Life stage

Someone who is 30 years old will be facing significantly different issues, goals, priorities, and values than someone who is 20 years old. While couples can work things out despite different views and opinions, differences like these can certainly put a rift in relationships.

This is especially true due to the huge difference in priorities those of different ages experience. To make a relationship last, a couple would have to reconcile these differences – something not everyone is able to do.

c) Intimacy

As crude as it sounds, the bedroom is an important place for couples. While intimacy isn’t everything and doesn’t play a role in some relationships, allosexual relationships typically require some degree of bedroom chemistry to last.

The issue is that older individuals tend to have lowered intimacy drive. Women, in particular, will have difficulty having children at older ages, and men will not be as interested in being intimate as they once were. Coupled with someone much younger, this discrepancy in intimacy could lead to a break-up.

4. Do people date their own age?

So, the science shows that dating closer to your age gives you a better chance of relationship success. But are people dating in their age groups, to begin with?

The fact is that, all around the world, couples with large age differences are fairly common. Some non-Western countries have an even higher percentage of them than Western countries, in fact. There are some countries with as many as 30% of all relationships involving significant differences in age.

In Western countries, 8% of all relationships involve age differences of 10 years or more. For those in heterosexual relationships, only around 1% of these relationships involve an older woman, and the remaining near-99% involve an older man. In same-sex relationships, 15% of women unions have this age gap, and 25% of male unions have that gap too.

Interestingly, research performed by dating platform OkCupid’s co-founder, Christian Rudder, found that the chosen age demographic of people vary based on gender. Users identifying as female preferred to date men close in age to them and found them the most attractive. Meanwhile, users identifying as male were always more interested in young women, typically in their early 20’s – no matter what age those men themselves were.

Still, the statistics on age differences in relationships suggest that a majority of the population prefer to settle down with those their own age. This is likely due to meeting partners within their social circles, having similar goals, enjoying the same life stages, and generally experiencing attraction to those within their age groups.

5. Conflicting studies

This isn’t the first study that has attempted to find a link between age differences and the longevity of relationships. In fact, some studies seem to conflict the findings of this one.

Some studies have shown that couples with large age gaps tend to have more positive relationship satisfaction overall. These relationships state that they have higher levels of commitment to each other, with more trust and less jealousy than typically seen in couples of the same age.

Meanwhile, other studies have found that more than 75% of couples involving younger women and older men with significant age gaps show that their relationships are satisfying and positive.

It’s worth noting that some of these studies were conducted more than a decade ago, and others did not involve nearly as large a sample size. However, as with all science, these ideas are interesting ones and further research is needed to fully solidify which ones hold the most compelling findings.

6. What does this mean?

So what does all of this mean for couples with large age differences? What does it mean for those who tend to date much older or younger people? Does it mean these types of relationships are doomed from the start?

The short answer is: of course not! The failure or success of any relationship is dependant on multiple things all at once. There are plenty of components involved in maintaining a happy and positive relationship, including:

  • Similar beliefs, ideals, and values
  • Personal goals
  • Commitment and priorities
  • Positive conflict resolution
  • Communication
  • Trust
  • Intimacy
  • Support
  • Personalities
  • Perspectives and world view

As you can see, these components do not involve age at all. Though some may be influenced by age, it’s safe to say that a lot of what makes or breaks a relationship has less to do with shallow things like age and more to do with deeply ingrained behaviors and attitudes.

In fact, Hugo Mialon himself, one of the head authors behind this research, states that sometimes these things have much more to do with personality than age. He believes it could be likely that the couples who find themselves in age-gap relationships are those with particular personalities or traits that increase chances of divorce.

What you can take away from this study is that age differences come with their fair share of challenges. You might need to work harder to stay together and overcome adversity. You may have more disagreements. There may be more clashes and misunderstandings. It may be trickier to understand each other’s point of view all the time.

Final Thoughts On The Best Age Difference That Make A Relationship Last

While couples with high age differences have their own trials and troubles, they’re no different from those that any other couple faces. At the end of the day, it’s about love, support, communication, positive thinking, and shared values. These matter much more than age.

Age is just a number, but to some degree, numbers do matter. However, they don’t need to rule everything you do and each decision you make. While this study shows that large age gaps increase chances of divorce, there are always exceptions. Not every couple will relate to these findings.

So it’s not really about the best age difference to make a relationship last. It’s about the more important things in relationships. Love, mutual respect, trust … these are the most important things to bring into a union, and they matter far more than age.

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The post Scientists Explain The Best Age Difference to Make A Relationship Last appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

Scientists Explain Why Women Should Stop Wearing Bras

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Most women put on their bra without even thinking about it since they have been told since puberty that they should wear one. However, what purpose does a bra really serve other than to make women more societally acceptable in the workplace or at school? Bras have been marketed to women as a way to help lessen back pain, lift up the breasts, and provide extra support.

While bras might serve a purpose for working out, wearing them all the time can do much more harm than good. In this article, we’ll explain why going braless might just be the one of the best decisions you’ve ever made.

Here’s why women should stop wearing bras:

Professor Jean-Denis Rouillan, of the Centre Hospitalier Universitaire de Besancon in France, performed a study about why women don’t really need bras. According to his study, bras don’t have any medical or anatomic benefits for women. He actually discovered that bras do the exact opposite of what they’re marketed to do – they cause breasts to sag and prevent them from growing.

The Study

In the study, 330 volunteers between the ages of 18 and 35 had their breasts measured over the course of 15 years. The women who went braless had a 7-millimeter lift in their nipples each year, which disproves the notion that breasts will sag without a bra. Also, the women who didn’t wear a bra had fewer stretch marks than those who did wear a bra. Furthermore, their breasts were actually firmer than the women who wore bras.

This study completely contradicts the advice women have been told all their lives. The study shows that not wearing a bra actually allows for better posture since the bra isn’t providing all the support. It also forces the body to develop the muscles underneath the breasts, which help prevent sagging and provide support.

In other words, without a bra, the body must actually use the muscles intended to protect the breasts from sagging. When the bra does all the work, the muscles in a woman’s body suffer from lack of use.

In fact, one woman from the study said that after two years of not wearing a bra, she could breathe better, had better posture, and didn’t have as much back pain. This shows that what we’ve been taught about bras simply isn’t true since they have been marketed as a way to reduce breast and back pain in women.

Other Reasons Not To Wear Bras

It takes a long time to find the right one.

If you’ve ever been shopping for bras, you know just how excruciating the process can be. You might have tried on plenty of different sizes and still couldn’t find the right one because bra sizes aren’t universal. It’s sort of like when you go to a store to try on jeans and can fit into a size 8 but can’t squeeze into a size 12. You might try on dozens of bras and never find the right fit, wasting hours in department stores and leaving frustrated and empty-handed. This makes the process of shopping that much harder for women.

Bras are expensive.

Not to mention, bras don’t come cheap (well, the quality ones, anyway). According to Statista, most women spent between $16 and $30 on a bra in 2017. That doesn’t seem like a lot, but keep in mind that this is just an average. If you go to stores like Victoria’s Secret, expect to spend a lot more. Plus, most women buy more than one bra. If you account for sports bras, work bras, leisure bras, and every other type of bra out there, the cost can add up.

They’re uncomfortable.

Unless you’re buying a wireless bra, bras just don’t offer much comfort. The underwire can break, causing it to pierce into your skin in the most inconvenient situations. Then, you have to either go home to change or just tough it out for the rest of the day. However, it isn’t just the underwire bras that cause discomfort. While sports bras are seen as a necessity for a lot of women, they are often so tight. They might make you feel suffocated and trapped.

Even more casual bras without cups or wires can feel uncomfortable simply. The breasts never get a chance to breathe from being stuck inside a bra all day.

They aren’t necessary for every activity.

If you always wear a bra, you don’t give the breasts a chance to “air out,” if you will. In modern society, we simply don’t need to wear a bra all the time. Aside from sleeping, women are expected to wear a bra during every other activity, including at work, school, the gym, and at social events. However, just because it’s a social norm doesn’t mean women have to abide by it.

While most women would be looked down upon if they chose to go braless to work or school, it should be up to them, ultimately, since there is no law stating that women have to wear a bra.

Why Preteens Should Especially Not Wear Bras

For preteen women, science shows that there’s no reason to push wearing a bra on them. In fact, not wearing a bra provides health benefits since it promotes the growth of breast tissue, according to Professor Rouillan’s study. Going braless also supports muscle tissue growth around the breast.

Training bras are often marketed to women between the ages of 8 and 12, but they just aren’t necessary. Although women are expected to wear bras, there is no scientific or medical reason for women to do so. Bras hinder development and can actually cause more damage to a woman’s health. Parents who have preteen daughters should allow them to make the decision and not force wearing a bra upon them.

Limitations of the study

Even though the study found benefits for women who chose not to wear bras, keep in mind that the women in the study were fairly young. They’ve only been wearing bras for a few decades, whereas older women have been wearing them for much longer. If older women chose to go braless, researchers might not see the same results as in the younger women.

This study is preliminary and researchers emphasize that they aren’t telling women to stop wearing bras altogether. Ultimately, it’s up to the individual to decide what’s best for her. You alone know what makes you the most comfortable. Also, the study didn’t discuss women who engaged in physical activity and what effect it had on their breasts. Since bras were originally invented to hold breasts in place during movement, this is a pretty big gap in the study.

Tips on Going Braless

If you choose not to wear a bra, it might feel a little strange at first. You’ll have to brave the initial anxieties that come with giving up something you’ve depended on your whole life. Here are a few tips to help you out:

  • Start out small. If you’ve been wearing bras every waking hour for the last 30 years, you should probably not show up at work or school tomorrow without one. In other words, go slowly. Practice going braless when you pick up your morning coffee or walk your dog. Then, work your way up to going without one at work, school, or social events.
  • Work on your posture. Since your bra has been doing all the work for you, you’ll need some refreshers when it comes to how to stand and sit properly. Make sure to keep your shoulders back, head up, and back straight so that you don’t hurt your neck or back.
  • Wear a bralette. Bralettes are more comfortable bras without padding and wires. If you aren’t comfortable totally ditching your bra yet, you can transition into a bralette first. They are far less constricting than normal bras, so you’ll start getting used to how it feels to go braless.

Final thoughts

Wearing a bra is a highly personal choice. The benefits of going braless include the possibility of less back and breast pain, fewer expenses, less discomfort, and more freedom. Plenty of women around the globe have decided to ditch their bras for these reasons. Some women also consider that bras are sexist.

Young women should not wear bras so that their breasts can develop properly. Once a woman reaches puberty, the effects of wearing a bra are unclear. Very limited research exists about the benefits and harms of bras, so women must do what feels right to them. Perhaps going without a bra for a week or two could give you an idea of what it would feel like. Afterwards, you can make an informed decision about whether you’d like to make it permanent or not.

The post Scientists Explain Why Women Should Stop Wearing Bras appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

Walt Whitman Explains 11 Things Trees Teach Us About Life

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Walt Whitman was an American poet and journalist who wrote the controversial literary piece “Leaves of Grass” that touched on spirituality, philosophy, religion, and sexuality. He was named the Father of the Free Verse for his style of writing. He also wrote some insightful poetry about trees.

At 54, Whitman suffered a stroke that left him paralyzed but he became in tune with the natural world as part of his recovery. Whitman frequented open areas surrounded by nature to get fresh air and this inspired him to write a series of prose that was later published as a collection in the book “Specimen Days.”

This book included anecdotes about his life as a former nurse in the Civil War. But Whitman largely wrote about the things he learned about living from observing trees. Here are some things that trees can teach us about life, according to this esteemed author.

Here Are 11 Things Trees Teach Us About Life

1. Trees teach us authenticity.

According to Whitman, the quiet but imposing presence of a tree is a powerful display of authenticity. He described trees as “so innocent and harmless, yet so savage,” because they appear for what they are, with no embellishments.

  • Trees teach us to embrace our inherent being without worry for people’s criticisms or what society may dictate.
  • From these natural creations, we learn that we have to remain true to who we are no matter what circumstances we face.
  • Whitman said authenticity is the noblest human character and trees reflect this with their inspiring and incredible presence.
  • Trees remain standing tall on the ground, while exuding beauty and life, regardless of the situation around them.

2. A tree teaches us to be aware of our surroundings.

Trees pay very close attention to their surroundings. These natural wonders can accurately sense the changes in the weather and the wind, the temperature, and the light or shade. By paying close attention to the other cues from their environment, trees shed their leaves just in time for autumn.

If a tree held on to its leaves longer than it should, then its branches would crack when the strong winds blow or when freezing weather and ice condenses things. These natural wonders adapt when they pay close attention to the shifts around them. Trees don’t resist these shifts. Instead, they take control of the one thing they can – their own behavior.

From this behavior, trees teach us to also pay attention to what’s around us so that we can adjust our reactions and control our behavior. By understanding what is going on and why things happen to us, we can decisively come up with the right response to the predicaments we face.

3. Trees teach us to sow patience and pace ourselves as we’ll get our due in the right time.

Whitman also noticed that trees imbibe a universal flow even if their sizes, height, and builds are different. Trees have to pace their growth or risk harming themselves. They need to build up their core first and ensure that their trunk is firm, solid, and thick because it matters to their stability.

But some trees do grow too many branches and leaves to soak more sunlight in. There are others that grow too wide or too tall before their trunks are ready and mature. These trees usually develop injuries and diseases to their trunks and branches, or worse, die before they have the chance to fully develop.

  • Trees, therefore, teach us the value of taking time.
  • They show us how it is very important to pace ourselves while learning to grasp our capabilities because if we reach our capacity too soon, then we might not be able to handle things. Instead, we might break and suffer.
  • A tree teaches us that, for everything, there is a season and a reason why things come to be.
  • They tell us that we will all eventually receive what’s due us but it will happen at the right timing.
  • We just need to muster patience, to remain steadfast and positive because rushing things won’t give us long-lasting results.

4. A tree teaches us the importance of belonging to a community.

Many species of trees thrive among family. A tree that stands alone won’t usually last long because it won’t be able to deal with the changes in the weather. But a tree that grows among a community can count on other trees because they look out for each other, especially in times of extreme weather.

Trees deal with the heat, cold, and drought together by building an ecosystem to support each other. Experts have proven that trees in this type of environment live to be quite healthy and really old.

Just like our leafy neighbors, we need other people in order to survive in this world. We become resilient to the trials and challenges of life because we can turn to friends and family for help and support.

Philosopher Mark Nepo also said that human existence is similar to that of trees. Even if we stand as individuals with different backgrounds and perspectives, we have a root system that binds us to one another. What may happen to one person can impact a community. Our human instincts enable us to rely on each other, especially in times when we don’t understand what is going on around us.

5. Trees also teach us to flourish, even if we’re alone.

However, there are also some trees that live in solitary or away from the community, especially in the most deserted parts of the world. And like these wonders of nature, we also find ourselves alone at times. We experience people turning their backs or leaving us during the most challenging times of our life.

It’s in these times that we can also draw some inspiration from the tree. They teach us that we need to have faith and trust in ourselves and our capabilities.

  • They show us that we must keep pressing on even if we don’t have the support of other people or we have limited resources.
  • Trees demonstrate that no struggle can bring us down and no challenge can defeat us if we muster self-courage.
  • No matter how intense and difficult the situation is, it’s still a learning experience from which we can mature and evolve with a positive zest for life, much like the tree in solitude that continues to grow taller, spread its branches and thicken its leaves.

6. A tree teaches us modesty.

Despite how grand or tall they stand, trees can remain inconspicuous. Sometimes, it’s easy for us to forget and disregard the existence of these lofty beings because they are just always there.

Trees originate as little nuts that barely fit the palm of our hands. From this, we can learn that each of us starts off small as well. We need to keep reminding ourselves that, just like the trees, we all come from humble beginnings no matter how big and successful we eventually become. This thought will help keep us grounded so that we don’t lose our empathy for other people.

7. Trees teach us to stand tall even in adversity.

Trees are always at risk for external dangers in their lifetime but even when pushed to death by the dangers around them, they remain standing at peace.

  • Trees teach us to be tougher and stronger when faced with the worst challenges.
  • They show us that the problems we face and the problematic people we encounter can still bring value to our life.
  • Our experiences with these struggles will help us learn the skills to win and rise above difficulties.

8. A tree teaches us to find the silver lining.

Despite their stillness and inability to move from one place to another, trees can sway with the wind, bask in the sunshine, and open their branches wider in the glory of spring. They show us that it’s nice to be always happy and positive because life can be enjoyed better if you find the silver lining amid the difficulties.

Problems and trials are an inescapable part of life but this shouldn’t stop us from enjoying happy moments with the people that matter to us. The only time problems rob us of the happiness we deserve is if we allow them to overtake us.

9. Trees teach us that it’s okay to break down and let go.

Trees fall to the ground or drop branches when it can no longer hold the weight. It doesn’t demand more space or support from its neighboring trees. It simply crashes because it’s aware its time is up.

  • This teaches us that letting go is also a part of life and we don’t need anyone’s permission to break down.
  • Thus, it’s okay to show emotions like anger, grief, pain, or sadness.
  • We don’t have to mask these emotions for fear that people will not understand what we’re going through.

10. A tree teaches us that strong roots will guide us to achieve our goals.

Our value system is our roots. What we believe in and how we have been raised to uphold these beliefs sustain and guide us when we’re faced with life-changing decisions. As with trees, if our value system is strong, stable, and extensive, we can continue to make good choices and reach higher goals. If our value system is solid, it will guide and steer us in the right direction of the life we want to make for ourselves.

11. Trees teach us that we can be a shelter and comfort for other people.

Taking shelter from a tree can bring so much relief. Many of us know what it’s like to stand below a tree and feel a sense of comfort and solace, even if it’s only temporary. Their shade and their breeze, as well as the fragrance of their flowers, provide a perfect relaxation spot.

  • Just like trees, we can also bring shelter and comfort to other people.
  • We can provide relief for friends and family who are suffering and in pain.
  • If we are more evolved as humans, then we can bring more value to the relationships we have with people. We can respond so that each time they seek us, our loved ones will always feel relaxed and at home in our company.

Final Thoughts On Some Things Trees Teach Us About Life

There really so much that trees can teach us if we take time and reflect on their existence. It’s no wonder these creations have survived on earth for millions of years. They accept everything they are and everything they’re meant to be.

So, if you find yourself in a difficult situation, try connecting to the trees. Go outside and sit in your backyard or walk in the park. Relish in the wonder of trees and listen to their rustling leaves. From there, you might be able to find the answers to what’s been bothering you.

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The post Walt Whitman Explains 11 Things Trees Teach Us About Life appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

How to Calm Down in 5 Minutes or Less (Calm Quotes)

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Once in a while, you don’t understand how focused you are until you get to the point when you just might explode.

At the point when that happens, it’s decent to have a course of action to fall back on. It takes a while for long-haul worry from a tumultuous activity to develop.

Use our step by step instructions to Calm Down in 5 Minutes or Less:

Stage 1: Chill Out With Some Tune-age (Calm Quotes):

Nothing is quite like music. It can make you feel several intense emotions, and it also calm you down when you need it. It has a quick effect on inspiration and mindset.

Music is one of the best medicines that briefly lessens the distress of patients with late-organize cerebrum malady.

And since it can help them, it can work for you as well.

Usually we don’t have time to step away from work, in that case its usually best to listen to a song that calms us down. Music powerfully affects our state of mind, our memory, our imagination, and our work process. You need yourself to be fit as a fiddle when you want to take the work day by storm.

Have a pre-made play-list of tunes prepared to go.

However, the music you should be playing shouldn’t be too loud and angering, like we’ve told you before music inspires all kinds of emotions inside of us. Try playing calmer songs to help you relax.

Quotes about Stress and AnxietyRemain calm, serene, always in command of yourself. You will then find out how easy it is to get along. Freedom from desire leads to inner peace. Calm mind brings inner strength and self-confidence, so that’s very important for good health. Getting stress out of your life takes more than prayer alone. You must take action to make changes and stop doing whatever is causing the stress. You can learn to calm down in the way you handle things. You don’t have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you. Relaxation comes from letting go of tense thoughts. The day she let go of the things that were weighing her down, was the day she began to shine the brightest. I long for the countryside. That’s where I get my calm and tranquility – from being able to come and find a spot of green. Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, it empties today of its strength.

Stage 2: Destroy Brain Fog With Exercise (Calm quotes):

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Exercise consumes extra hormones that develop in the duration of the day. Our brain releases hormones that help us feel-great like endorphins. These hormones can help boost your mental status. But too much of their activity can leave you exhausted.

Came yourself down with exercise that will help you use up some of the extra energy that your discharging and power yourself up for a productive day ahead by getting in the mindset.

Some hormones, when present in high levels in the body, can exhaust us and lower our inspiration. Cortisol is one of them. Exercise is an excellent way to lower your cortisol levels and get your head in line.

Stress Free QuotesThe most intense conflicts, if overcome, leave behind a sense of security and calm that is not easily disturbed. It is just these intense conflicts and their conflagration which are needed to produce valuable and lasting results. Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind. Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be. Step outside for a while – calm your mind. It is better to hug a tree than to bang your head against a wall continually. Keep calm and keep learning. Keep calm because pain makes you stronger, fear makes you braver and heartbreak makes you wiser. Being relaxed, at peace with yourself, confident, emotionally neutral loose, and free-floating –these are the keys to successful performance in almost everything. Breath is the power behind all things. I breath in and know that good things will happen.

Stage 3: Your Nose Is More Powerful Than You Realize (Calm quotes):

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Your nose is an immediate line of correspondence to the amygdala, the territory of the mind most emphatically attached to feelings and memory review.

You can utilize it to ground yourself after bouts of high pressure. Press play on your deliberately curated relax playlist. Complete several minutes of high-power work out (push-ups, squats, jumps, whatever’s open and gets your blood pumping) after that take a whiff of something like lavender to help ease your mind.

In the time it takes to listen to one song, you will be prepared to run another 911 call or manage whatever crisis life tosses your way next. On a rundown of critical faculties, the feeling of smell regularly gets positioned last.

You should need to reexamine this in case you’re in desperate need of a pressure detox.

The feeling of smell assumes a focal part of memory arrangement and review.

When you take a gander at an outline of the mind, the olfactory nerve that is associated with the nose runs straight back to the amygdala, the focal point of the cerebrum.

During stress, a few essential oils are shown to lessen tension.

Lavender is the best scent you can use. Rose, bergamot, and chamomile are additionally demonstrated to have anxiolytic effects. Since the feeling of smell is so firmly fixed to memory, I observe pine needles to be fantastically unwinding.

Stop a minute, right where you are. Relax your shoulders, shake your head and spine like a dog shaking off cold water. Tell that imperious voice in your head to be still.

Famous Stress Free QuotesOnly when one is connected to one’s own core is one connected to others, I am beginning to discover. And, for me, the core, the inner spring, can best be refound through solitude. The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. Everything we do is infused with the energy with which we do it. If we’re frantic, life will be frantic. If we’re peaceful, life will be peaceful. Choose to be optimistic. It feels better. Keep cool; anger is not an argument.

Conclusion (Calm quotes):

calm quotes

Getting over pressure is about recognizing what factors can help you.

Become more acquainted with what music focuses you, what practices are feasible, and which smells shake your cerebrum and make you calmer.

Consolidate these strategies through the span of a melody, and you’ll be headed to a more gainful and agreeable day.

The post How to Calm Down in 5 Minutes or Less (Calm Quotes) appeared first on Born Realist.

Source – bornrealist.com

Lifestyle

IS SHE THE ONE: Are You in Love or Are You Just Attached?

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Is it getting difficult for you to think of a future without your partner?

Do you wake up every morning and sigh in relief when you see that he or she is still there and when you realize two are evolving into something more than just a casual fling?

In this article you’ll get to know about how to find love, how to choose a life partner, qualities to look for in a husband, how to find a relationship, choosing the right partner for marriage and what to look for in a partner for life.

Do you miss them constantly and hope to see them at the end of day?

Is the distance hard for you to bear?

All of these things your feeling can be because your in love with your partner, but it can also be because your starting to become attached to them and are “getting used” to the feeling of having them around.

In all seriousness, we don’t want to ruin a good thing for you by telling you your pure feelings aren’t pure and putting doubts in your head when there shouldn’t be any, but it’s also important to understand that getting too attached and feeling like your in love is something that happens very often.

Focus on Your Goals: Never Force Anyone To Follow Your Path

And so, in the spirit of helping you better understand your relationship we’ve written down some points to help you, let us know what you think in the comments!

Attachment is fleeting, love leaves a mark (Romantic Partner Love):

If you lose someone you love you’ll feel the emptiness for a good long while. Whereas the blow of losing someone you were attached too will be so much easier to consul.

While at the start things will be difficult for you and you might feel hindered and alone but very soon you’ll start feeling lighter.

Whereas being in love is a completely different experience.

If you truly love someone and lose them, you’ll feel the hurt for as long as you live and getting over it won’t mean forgetting about that person forever like it would if you were simply attached to them. It will mean getting used to the loss of that person.

Attachment is selfish, love is giving (Romantic Partner Love)

If your simply attached to a person everything you do is about you.

Your needs, your wants. If there away from you you’ll want them close because you can’t bear it. You don’t want them to pursue their dreams because it’ll mean that they’ll send less time with you.

All of these thoughts are selfish and it can be that what you feel towards yourpartner isn’t love at all, its simply attachment.

If your truly in love you’ll feel obliged to do more for your partner.

You’ll want them to be happy and while wanting something for yourself is natural, you’ll feel the need to put your wants aside for your partner.

Love isn’t easy, but attachment is (Romantic Partner Love):

Getting attached is the easiest thing in the world, falling love however is the hardest and most complicated thing in on this planet.

When you’re truly in love you’ll feel it because the feeling isn’t like any other.

And despite common belief attachment and dependency is what brings a person to their knees and to the brink of death and ecstasy.

Love is serious and can set you free and to fall in love one must understand what the feeling really is, its the conscious decision to spend your life with a person, to want them despite their flaws, and that, can never be an easy task.

Love sets you free, attachment is constricting (Romantic Partner Love):

If you truly in love with a person you won’t feel the need to be in constant contact with them.

Love gives you a kind of security nothing else can while attachment is the kind of thing that keeps you up at nights wondering where your significant other is and who their spending their time with and why it isn’t you.

When the two of you will be mutually in love there won’t be a need for worrying about little things, you’ll be free from constant worrying and your soul will be at peace like it hasn’t ever been before.

Love helps you do better, attachment keeps you from it (Romantic Partner Love)

When two people are in love all they’ll want is for their partner to do better and become better. They’ll want to give them the best in the world and will want to be a part of the success they achieve.

If your simply attached you’ll worry more about how them improving themselves is going to affect you, you’ll wonder if they’ll leave you if they get successful and it will keep you up at nights.

Thoughts like this can stem from anxiety as well, and your anxiety may just be coming from being attached to a person who isn’t good for.

It’s important to know that you can always leave a relationship like this, and it’s also important to make sure you and your partner are on the same page.

Conclusion: love is Forever whereas Attachment is fleeting and shallow (Romantic Partner Love)

romantic partner love

If you’re really in love you’ll know that this is how it’s going to be for all your life and you’ll be happy to accept this forever with your significant other.

While thinking of the future with your significant other in the case of attachment will only bring you pain and confusion. You won’t be sure how you’ll want to proceed and you’ll have a bad feeling about how things will end and how things are going to go.

The honest truth is that you’ll know when you’re in love, it is immensely different from attachment, you’ll be able to feel it.

Liked this? Read this: Here Are 10 Rules for Living an Extraordinary Life

Article by: Born Realist

The post IS SHE THE ONE: Are You in Love or Are You Just Attached? appeared first on Born Realist.

Source – bornrealist.com

Lifestyle

If You Have A Broken Heart, These 5 Things Will Help You Heal

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One of the worst things we can experience is that of a broken heart. A gut wrenching feeling with pain in our chest, long sleepless nights and worrisome thoughts racing through our head. It’s difficult to escape from the reality that you and your significant other are no longer a pair. What we all need in this time of grievance varies from person to person, but today, I am sharing the five most important ways to open your eyes and heal your heart. There truly is no easy way to get you through a heartbreak. This guide will serve as a way for you to work through your pain, express your feelings and become a stronger person in the end.

1. Allow Yourself Time to Heal

This one will ultimately be the hardest to overcome, but time heals all pain, especially that of a broken heart. Go through the pain you are feeling. You cannot just flip a switch and be over something that hurts as much as it does. It is okay to cry, it is okay to be upset. Allow yourself time to cope, but know that this is only temporary. The process of moving on isn’t easy and it can be gut wrenching. Something you want so desperately to go away and to stop consuming your life does take time. Don’t ever mask your pain or hide your tears. Whenever you hide behind obstacles in your life, you are prohibiting yourself from moving forward. Sure, it’s easy to mask the pain with partying, drinking or hanging out with new people, but what does this truly do in the end? It usually makes you feel worse or even guilty. Spend your time wisely and use this time as a way to embrace the reality and rise stronger.

Think of the healing process like this…

If you break a bone, you can’t take off the cast the same day you get it put on. Just because it doesn’t hurt as much, doesn’t mean that it still doesn’t need time to heal. If you are a recovering alcoholic, you can’t just go back to the bar after a month of being sober. You will have a higher chance of relapsing. You need time.

You will need to work every single day even after you think you’re okay to progress and move forward. Your hard work, consistency, and progress should be maintained and never forgotten. Work on yourself every day. Get up, show up, wear your best clothes and leave the house. Devise a plan for your day and do what makes you happy. Focus on improving yourself during this healing process and tell yourself how awesome you are. “You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

2. Express Self Love

When we are in a relationship, we spend a lot of our time focusing on our significant other and forget what it’s like to be yourself. This is the perfect time to plan a vacation with a friend or simply go out of town and treat yourself to a little mini-vacay. We need to take responsibility for our own happiness and know that it is our job to make us whole again. You can heal a broken heart if you are willing to love yourself first and foremost.

Learn to love yourself by:

  • Nourishing Yourself – Be mindful of what you are putting into your body. The way we feed ourselves reflects on how much we love ourselves. Doing this will lay the foundation of self-love and nourishment.
  • Start a Journal – There are proven statistics that writing down the things you are grateful for can train your brain to be more positive and lead to happiness. The next time you’re at the store, grab yourself a cute notebook and start writing down a few things each day that you are grateful for or that bring you happiness. Don’t forget to thank yourself in the process.
  • Express Yourself – Find ways to really express yourself whether it’s dancing, cooking, singing, painting, music or another hobby you enjoy. Think about what makes you feel alive and really connect with yourself. It is so essential to make time to do the things you enjoy. You’ll soon find this very therapeutic and a way to escape when overcoming a broken heart.
  • Shower Yourself with Good Vibes – Start thinking about how you want your life to look and start planning accordingly. Maintain positive energy, even during a broken heart experience. Take baby steps to achieving your goals and dreams and don’t look back.
  • Make Your Body Happy – How we feel in our bodies directly reflects how we feel in ourselves. When we feel sad or loneliness, we are disconnected with our bodies. It is important to develop a self-love routine that keeps us feeling beautiful and energized. Whether you pick up yoga, running or a new home workout, be consistent and own it… your body and self will reap the rewards. Making your body happy is the best way to heal a broken heart while also flooding your body with joy.
  • Take Yourself On a Date – If you have never taken yourself out on a date, now is the time. Plan a day to spend quality time with yourself. By doing something special for yourself, you are giving yourself the full attention it desperately needs, especially after a broken heart. Whether you treat yourself to coffee and cake or go to the spa for a day, you will learn to truly fall in love with taking care of yourself and you will develop a new love for yourself that has always been hidden away.

There is such a liberating feeling when we don’t feel the need to depend upon someone else to make us happy. It is our job to find ways to make ourselves whole again. If you want to change up your hairstyle, go for it. If you want a new wardrobe, go shop for it. It’s always a good idea to put ourselves first, especially during this time.

3. Get Outside of Your Comfort Zone

One of the best things you can do for yourself when overcoming a broken heart is getting outside of your comfort zone. That thing you’ve always wanted to try, go try it. The trip you’ve been dying to take, go. That person you’ve been wanting to talk to, go speak to them. The job you’ve always been wanting, go apply for it. That project you’ve been putting off, go finish it. Get outside of yourself and your comfort zone and you’ll find a new appreciation for life. Sometimes our hearts need to be broken so we can understand how to cope, how to love ourselves and how to heal.

4. Cleanse Your Mind, Body & Home

It is so important to take care of yourself during this time. Clear your mind, body and home of things that remind you of your ex. If you are sentimental about your belongings, this may be tough to do, but trust the process and know that clearing these items will speed up the process to heal a broken heart. Stay positive and know that this is just a minor bump in the road.

To heal a broken heart, force yourself to make better choices when it comes to your health. Instead of indulging in the temptation to eat junk food and ice cream, try fueling your body with fruits and vegetables instead. Pick up exercising if you aren’t already. When you exercise, you increase your levels of Endorphins, which naturally improves your mood giving you an instant self-esteem boost. No one can take care of your body better than you, so use this time to pave the way for new and positive changes that will leave the old you in the past.

5. Turn Pain Into Power

A broken heart is a priceless life experience no matter how painful or unpleasant it may seem, it is ultimately going to make you stronger. Think about all of the hardships you have encountered so far in life and the lessons you’ve taken out of them. What did you learn? All of these life lessons have played a huge role in who we are today and have played a significant role in our evolutionary development.

Please know this: you are capable of finding love again. You are physically able to open up your heart and love again. But first, you must learn to love and appreciate yourself for all that you have overcome. Your strength, courage and experiences have guided you to where you are today and who you will become in the future.

I hope that these tips were able to help guide you through and see the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. Please know that you are not alone. You are a truly amazing person, your strength speaks volumes and you will get through this! Take it one step at a time, day by day and you’ll come out stronger than ever before.

The post If You Have A Broken Heart, These 5 Things Will Help You Heal appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

5 Signs of a Strong Woman

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What does it mean to be a strong woman, exactly? What sets these women apart from all the others? Basically, they don’t take crap from anyone. They stand tall on their own and don’t let anything ruffle their feathers, like a tree withstanding a terrible storm. They know their worth and don’t let anyone squash it.

These days, all of us have to muster up strength just to get through this crazy world, but strong women have already mastered the art of living life on their terms. They can show us valuable lessons about showing resilience in the face of adversity and rising above the obstacles that life might put in front of us.

If you believe you have a strong woman in your life, you might recognize her by the following signs.

Here are 5 telltale signs of a strong woman:

“The world needs strong women; women who will lift & build others, who will love & be loved, women who live bravely, both tender & fierce; women of indomitable will.” – Amy Tenney

1. She respects herself and others.

A strong woman respects herself enough to not get treated like a doormat, and she gives that same respect to others. She knows that everyone deserves to have a voice and be heard; she expects people to give her that same courtesy. Rather than getting upset when people don’t treat her as she would like to get treated, however, she simply becomes the bigger person and kills them with kindness.

It takes a lot of maturity for a person to stand tall and not let the behavior of other people drag them down. The strong woman continues to surprise people with her wisdom and humility. She strikes the right balance between arrogance and low self-esteem, because she demands respect but doesn’t have a superiority complex about her.

In other words, she treats everyone as her equal and expects the same from others.

Her parents raised her to treat the janitor the same as the CEO, and this lesson carried over into her adult life. We can learn a lot about how to treat people from a strong woman.

2. She’s independent.

She doesn’t need any man or woman to help her get through life. She’d rather do things on her own than have others disappoint her, anyway. She has high standards for herself. You’ll find her constantly crossing goals and achievements off her list, because she doesn’t want to look back on her life with regrets.

However, this independent streak can get her into trouble sometimes. In an article on Psychology Today, Marcia Reynolds, a leadership coach and holder of a doctorate in psychology, says, “We strong women often feel we need to tough it out on our own. We forget to give others the gift of letting them help us.”

Strong women have often been raised with the “winner’s mentality,” meaning that their parents see them as high achievers who can accomplish a great deal on their own. They have been bred for greatness, which makes it hard for strong women to allow others to help them. They don’t really think they need help, which can lead to them taking on more than they can handle.

Independence is a double-edged sword in that way. If you’re a strong woman, try to see the benefit of allowing yourself to need others, too.

3. She knows how to control her emotions.

A strong woman knows the power of her mind and doesn’t allow it to control her life. She masters her emotions and doesn’t let them govern her. This woman knows emotions change constantly, just like the weather, so she doesn’t see much value in dwelling on situations or feelings. She allows herself to feel the emotion and then moves on.

On another note, she doesn’t allow people or events to dictate how she feels, either. Instead of letting others control her energy, she puts her own energy out into the world. She leaves a lasting imprint on other people because she knows exactly what she wants to bring to the table in any given situation. She doesn’t allow fear or doubts to control her energy, because she knows that these emotions won’t allow her to achieve the desired result.

She sees life much like a game. To win, the strong woman knows that she must bring her best self to the table at all times. She puts on a brave face and conquers whatever stands in her path, and does so with a balanced, controlled state of mind.

4. A strong woman takes risks.

The strong woman knows when to push her luck and when to fold. She knows that life requires us to push ourselves if we want to grow and learn; staying stuck in fear will only breed complacency. She takes risks in order to become better-rounded and test her limitations. This woman knows that a lot of our boundaries can be crossed if we jump the mental hurdles first.

As kids, we believe we can do anything because our parents and teachers tell us we can. We don’t have any fear because the world’s programming hasn’t affected us yet. If we fall down and get hurt as a child, we don’t fixate on the event and allow it to grow into a fear. We simply face our fear over and over until we have learned to master it. Kids remain in the present moment because they have open minds. They want to absorb everything life can teach them.

Then, as we grow up, we start to put up walls and tell ourselves we can’t do certain things. We form an image of ourselves in our heads that becomes our identity. After a while, we become fixed. We don’t believe we can bend and mold ourselves into something new. However, the strong woman breaks this cycle often. She pushes herself to do new things so that her identity and self-image don’t solidify. She doesn’t allow fear to control her because she knows that she can’t learn unless she’s in a calm, confident state of mind.

5. She tries to remain positive.

Positive thinking stays in the forefront of her mind, because she knows that she can’t live a positive life with a negative view of the world. A strong woman knows that positivity can change one’s life; it can take them from the depths of despair to the highest altitudes of joy. It can shift their perspective and help them make the best of any situation.

Therefore, the strong woman utilizes the power of positive thinking in her daily life. She doesn’t let the clouds block her sunshine; she instead becomes the source of light. For example, if she lost her job recently, she doesn’t let negative thinking trick her into believing that she will never find another job. Instead, she looks at the positives.

Maybe she’d be better off without that job. Maybe she wasn’t loving it as much as she thought she did. She looks toward the future and believes that she’ll find something better. By putting out that energy, she knows she’ll have a much better chance of turning her thoughts into reality.

This woman doesn’t fixate on the problems; she focuses on solutions instead. The strong woman looks at what she can do to better her situation, such as looking up jobs and calling on her support network to see if they can help her out.

Other Key Traits of a Strong Woman

  • She knows what she wants out of life and isn’t afraid to go after it.
  • A strong woman likes to be in control, but knows when it’s someone else’s time to shine.
  • She’s creative and uses her imagination to create her reality.
  • They don’t like drama or gossip and steer clear of people who engage in these shallow behaviors.
  • They don’t sugarcoat anything. They tell it like it is and expect other people to do the same.
  • Strong women take care of their health and happiness and don’t expect others to do it for them.
  • They need a lot of time to recharge their energy since they use so much of it on a daily basis.
  • A strong woman surrounds herself with positive, empowered people. She doesn’t mesh well with negative people.
  • They constantly want to learn new things and test their limits.
  • They have an open mind and believe they can do anything in life.
  • She doesn’t let anyone manipulate her. She knows her worth and doesn’t believe in keeping her mouth shut just so she doesn’t rock the boat.

Final thoughts on Signs of a Strong Woman

Strong women are special people who make big changes in this world. They have a vision and don’t stop until their dreams become reality. To them, life is too short to shrink down into a lesser version of themselves. They rise up and meet themselves so they can become the person they were meant to be. A strong woman will shake this world to its core and make a permanent imprint on the universe.

The post 5 Signs of a Strong Woman appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

5 Hidden Behaviors of An Emotional Manipulator

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An emotional manipulator is an incredibly difficult person to deal with. They drain your energy, they’re exhausting to be around, and they can bring your self-esteem down quickly. The worst part is that you may not even notice what they are doing.

Emotional manipulation is toxic. As such, it’s important that you recognize when someone in your life has a pattern of manipulating you and those around them. This will prevent you from getting hurt or being dragged into unwanted situations.

In order to avoid the negative effects of being around people like this, you need to be aware of the warning signs and red flags. Here are some hidden behaviors of an emotional manipulator to keep an eye out for.

Here Are 5 Hidden Behaviors Of An Emotional Manipulator

1. Everything is about them

An emotional manipulator constantly needs to make everything that is happening relevant to them. It’s like they’re always demanding for all eyes to be on them. They want sympathy, attention, and open, willing ears all at once.

Since no one is always naturally in the spotlight, an emotional manipulator is willing to perform a variety of toxic behaviors in order to keep themselves there. Here are some ways a person like this would make everything about them.

a) One-upping

If you tell an emotional manipulator about something negative happening in your life, they’ll be sure to inform you of how much worse they have it. They’ll imply that your problems are nothing compared to theirs in an effort to gain your sympathy.

Basically, these people turn misery and suffering into a contest instead of recognizing that everyone’s problems are just as valid as their own. They’ll inform you that you have no right to complain because they want the attention you’re receiving.

b) Craving Attention

An emotional manipulator will make up all sorts of stories in order to gain attention. They’ll exaggerate their stories, interrupting other people’s stories to tell their own, made-up “better” ones.

You may notice that, when you’re around an emotional manipulator, you find yourself always listening and never getting a chance to speak.

c) Playing The Martyr

When an emotional manipulator seems to agree to do something positive, things might seem good at first. Whether it’s volunteering, helping someone out, or taking on an extra task, they’ll seem eager to assist.

But then, things go bad – fast. The person begins to complain about all the work they have to do. They act like they’re taking on a huge burden and constantly demand praise from everyone around them. Needless to say, they pretend they’re not reluctant at all and really want to help. Because they’re good actors, you might think they’re just a good person with positive thinking … until the complaining begins.

2. Twisting words, facts, and situations

Facts are the enemy of an emotional manipulator because they prove that their actions are wrong. This is why many individuals who seek to psychologically manipulate others try to twist facts, statements, and even incidents in their favor. Here are some ways they do so.

a) Gaslighting

Gaslighting is an act whereby someone attempts to trick those around them into questioning their perception of reality. If you confront an emotional manipulator about something, they will lie and twist everything to make it look like you’re wrong and they’re right. This means that an emotional manipulator may:

  • Lie about a sequence of events
  • Make you believe you said something you didn’t
  • Convince you that you misheard, misspoke, or misremembered something
  • Insist that your problems aren’t real

This is very dangerous and toxic behavior to be around. It can make you question your sanity. A manipulator will do this to take advantage of you and make you believe you’re crazy. It’s a very dangerous tactic

b) Playing the victim

Emotional manipulators want you to know that they are never, ever in the wrong. They are quick to blame others and insist that nothing is ever their fault. No matter what they’ve done, they’ll be sure to point fingers at everyone except themselves.

If an emotional manipulator fails to complete a task, they will blame your high expectations of them. When their partner breaks up with them, they will call them afraid of commitment. If they make you angry, they will say you are too sensitive. If they get fired, their boss was a jerk.

Basically, emotional manipulators never take responsibility for their mistakes. They refuse to be held accountable and will be the first to throw others under the bus to protect themselves.

c) Outright lying

Emotional manipulators will lie to your face with no remorse. Many of them have symptoms of pathological lying and may fib compulsively. They might:

  • Twist your words to make you sound bad
  • Exaggerate situations and spin them in their favor
  • Claim to forget information that they should know
  • Make excuses that aren’t valid
  • Justify their negative behavior

Be careful when listening to an emotional manipulator. If you’re remembering what happened completely differently from how they claim things went down, they could be lying to you.

d) Playing dumb

Pretending not to know something can make someone look innocent. This is probably why emotional manipulators do this so often. They play “dumb” in order to be released from obligations or hide truths. Seeing as they know nothing, how can they be in the wrong?

3. They fight unfairly

We know that disagreements are a part of life. But there are healthy, effective, and efficient ways to have a fair and reasonable argument.

According to Preston Ni, who works at Foothill College in their Communication Studies Department, an emotional manipulator does not abide by these methods. Instead, they go out of their way to use any unfair tactics they can to gain higher ground over those they argue with. Here’s how they might do so.

a) Taking you out of your element

When someone wants to manipulate you and win a debate, they’ll want to be on their home turf. Someone who only ever wants to pick a fight with you in their home, office, or personal “territory” is trying to gain a psychological upper hand.

b) Listening first

At first, it seems like someone’s decision to listen to what you have to say first is a positive thing. But they’re not just trying to hear you out – they’re mentally memorizing your points in your argument and finding ways to refute them.

Emotional manipulators also use this opportunity to catch a glimpse into your personal ideals and perspectives, so they can evaluate your weaknesses and strengths.

This tactic is used by those in sales and marketing, too. It’s definitely not pleasant coming from someone who isn’t trying to sell you anything more than a manipulative argument.

c) Aggression

Sometimes, manipulators try to intimidate you or make you feel uncomfortable by being overly aggressive. They might use strong, harsh language, gesture in wild or fierce ways, or speak very loudly in order to derail any chance at a fair discussion.

d) Information overload

There’s nothing wrong with using facts to support an argument. In fact, it’s recommended and a great way to have a good discussion. But manipulators will use only “alleged” factual information with no proof in their arguments.

This means an emotional manipulator might throw out random statistics and present inaccurate data repeatedly to overwhelm you and pressure you into believing them. They don’t seek to educate you – only to win with falsehood.

e) Pressure

It’s reasonable to expect a person to need some time to think about making a decision or coming up with a response. An emotional manipulator will relentlessly pressure you to make a choice before you’re comfortable.

This is because this pressure creates a sense of urgency that is entirely false, prompting tension that might just make you give in to their argument or desires.

4. Guilt tripping

The ever-famous guilt trip is a tactic utilized by most emotional manipulators. It involves trying to make you feel guilty for something that happens in order to gain an upper hand and make you fold to them.

If you feel bothered by something they do, they will try to make you feel guilty and unreasonable for feeling that way. When you have plans that don’t involve them, they will act upset and claim that you care about others more than them. If they make a mistake, they’ll tell you how hard they tried and how awful it feels to fail.

An emotional manipulator is always ready to turn something positive into something negative. They are experts at using your conscience against you, prompting you to feel guilty even when you have done nothing wrong.

If you find that the person you’re around always makes you feel like you’re in the wrong, you are likely dealing with an emotional manipulator. The same goes for someone who makes you feel bad just because you’re having fun or enjoying yourself.

You should also watch out for an emotional manipulator who makes sure they always sound sweet and genuine, no matter what. They might pretend to be concerned about you but then they’ll say something that subtly provides a guilt trip and makes you feel bad.

This type of behavior is often overlooked because an emotional manipulator will look and sound sincerely kind and thoughtful when they do this; however, their end goal is still to guilt trip you into doing what they want.

5. Judging and criticizing constantly

Everything you do can be wrong in the eyes of an emotional manipulator. Many people who behave this way are seeking to control you. They can do so by making you feel insecure and constantly criticizing your actions.

The worst part is that this behavior likely ties in with the other four behaviors we’ve discussed. This means an emotional manipulator might tell you that you take things too seriously when you get upset. They might encourage you to lighten up and learn to take a joke. They may tell you that you need to work on your positive thinking.

However it plays out, being the subject of judgment from an emotional manipulator is toxic and isn’t easy to avoid. You will have to actively work to cut that person off or allow their criticisms to go unacknowledged.

Final Thoughts On Hidden Behaviors Of An Emotional Manipulator

Emotional manipulation is a kind of abuse often overlooked. Many people make the mistake of believing that, because it is a non-physical form of negative behavior, it isn’t that serious. This is far from the truth.

An emotional manipulator can ruin your self-esteem, make you feel inadequate, and cause crippling self-doubt. As such, keeping an eye out for these 5 hidden behaviors of an emotional manipulator will help you protect yourself against this serious form of toxicity.

The post 5 Hidden Behaviors of An Emotional Manipulator appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

7 Things Good Listeners Do Differently

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Most people believe they are good listeners. They think that they are listening in the proper way by sitting quietly while someone is talking, or by responding through body language and facial expressions, or by repeating what the other person told them word for word.

But a study from Wright State University involving 8,000 participants revealed that only 25 percent of people listen effectively. Apparently, good listeners do more than just sit quietly, elicit non-verbal reactions, or repeat what has been said accurately. Here are some things that good listeners do differently than the rest.

Here Are 7 Things Good Listeners Do Differently

“Good listeners, like precious gems, are to be treasured.” – Walter Anderson

1. Good listeners create a safe environment for the other person

Many professionals in the field of counseling and therapy utilize active listening skills to communicate with their patients in the best way. Active listening enables a good listener to pay attention to another person, show acceptance, and be emphatic to their situation.

It is very important to be focused as an active listener. But more than paying close attention, good listeners also try to create a safe environment for the other person who might want to unload their emotions. So, good listeners prefer to have conversations in a quiet area, without any distractions or interruptions like phones and other gadgets. They also make sure that they are seated comfortably next to the speaker.

Deep conversations can be heavy, complex, and quite difficult to reveal. They can evoke pain, irritation, and discomfort. But good listeners know they need to be comfortable with what may be uncomfortable. They also have to let the other person feel positive in that they can safely open up, drop down their guard, and freely talk about their feelings.

2. Good listeners maintain eye contact

Eye contact is a vital part of communication. It conveys your interest in the conversation and establishes your connection to the person you are conversing with. But maintaining eye contact can be difficult and uncomfortable for some people. In fact, others may experience eye contact anxiety and avoid looking intently at someone during a conversation.

It’s also easy to make an embarrassing mistake when you are maintaining eye contact. You can either become distracted and immediately look away or stare too long at the other person and look like a stalker.

According to Michigan State University, it takes a lot of practice to learn how to maintain eye contact. Because at least 70 percent of your conversation will involve eye contact, rehearsing interactions in front of the mirror can be helpful.

To avoid any mistakes when making eye contact, you should:

  • Establish eye contact the moment you are in a conversation with someone.
  • Hold your gaze for four to five seconds, then take a glance to the side before re-establishing the eye contact.
  • Slowly look away from side-to-side without darting your eyes or immediately glancing at another focus.
  • Avoid looking down.
  • Look for other spots in the person’s face and refocus on this every few seconds.
  • Use head gestures to break your gaze, such as nodding, so that it will look more natural.

If you’re speaking to more than one person, you can still establish eye contact by looking at one person for a few seconds before shifting your gaze to another person. Make sure that you give equal focus to everyone in the group.

3. Good listeners use body language well

Aside from eye contact, good listeners use positive body language to convey their interest in the other person’s issues. This technique makes them more receptive and approachable, and shows they are better communicators. Some examples of effective body language techniques that good listeners convey include:

  • Nodding their head to show they are responsive and engaged in the conversation.
  • Tilting their head to show curiosity and involvement in what the speaker is saying.
  • Leaning in when someone is talking to show interest.
  • Being aware of their hands, mouth, and facial expressions; they smile, raise eyebrows, or cringe their eyes when responding.
  • Mirroring the other person’s expressions or posture as a gesture of agreement and to build a rapport.
  • Uncrossing their cross their arms or legs when the other person is talking to convey openness.
  • Removing any barrier across them like a desk or a bag.
  • Resisting the urge to fidget; keeping their fingers and hands under control.

Showing the right body language helps keep the conversation calm, especially when you’re discussing a sensitive issue with a friend or a family member. It will help defuse a tense situation.

4. Good listeners probe and ask the right questions

Asking questions allows good listeners to uncover additional information. It helps the person sharing something to be more elaborate and to explore their feelings. It seeks to provide clarity to what’s really going on and enable reflection that may greatly help the person dealing with an issue.

At the same time, good listeners know to avoid questions that may put the other person on the defensive. They don’t ask questions to pry or encroach and sow intrigues. Instead, they probe because they hope to help resolve the issue, provide a better understanding of what’s really going on, uncover reasons or evidence, analyze some assumptions, and look at a different perspective.

Some of the most effective questions to ask may be:

  • Why do you think he/she said that?
  • Could you give an example of [the issue]?
  • Can you think of reasons…?
  • Can someone confirm or support your view?
  • What do you think [the issue] implies?
  • How does [the issue] relate to those involved?
  • What effect would this issue have on those concerned?
  • How might he/she respond?
  • Do you think there are alternatives?

Good listeners know how much people like to talk about themselves. Asking questions shows interest and also creates a conversation that won’t feel so one-sided.

5. Good listeners are not judgmental

The ability to listen actively and effectively takes practice but the ability to listen without judgment takes heart and character. The key to listening without judgment is empathy. It’s showing an understanding of what a friend is going through and then setting aside your own views and values to avoid becoming critical of his or her situation.

Every person has a bias and it’s this bias that may sometimes push you to have a closed mind on certain issues. In fact, we often tend to form an opinion even before a friend has finished confiding their problem.

But good listeners are different in that they don’t make assumptions or jump to conclusions when hearing someone out. They have an open mind and accept what they hear or learn, even if this goes against what they believe.

Good listeners have a great grasp of another person’s reality. They are keenly aware that while what they hear and learn might be tough to process, it is somebody else’s situation that requires some help and guidance.

For instance, your best friend admits to you that she is cheating on her partner. You value loyalty and faithfulness in a relationship so you greatly disagree with what she did. But as much as you’re against this, you patiently sit down and closely listen to her issues. It might be tough to hear but showing empathy may eventually help her find the right solutions to her relationship problems.

As a good listener, you validate whatever your friend is emotionally going through even if you think it’s a mistake. You don’t necessarily support what she’s doing but you support what she’s feeling and try as much as you can to understand and get to the bottom of those emotions.

6. Good listeners reflect and restate what’s been said in a helpful manner

If you’re listening closely and giving your full attention to the person confiding in you, then you can repeat what they’ve said. But good listeners are different in that they can summarize the details without losing the main thought. They also reflect and restate the idea in a helpful manner.

  • Good listeners paraphrase what has been said in order to clarify what the other person really meant to say.
  • They just don’t parrot the thought to where they end up sounding phony and patronizing.
  • Instead, they give the other person – who could be confused because they are in the middle of the muddle – a better read of their situation.

Paraphrasing also gives the other person a chance to correct or clarify something that may be causing a misunderstanding. Oftentimes in conversations, what you usually hear is not really what the person meant to convey. For this reason, it will help to restate and reflect on those statements.

7. Good listeners know when to give great advice

People like playing amateur psychiatrists especially if they have experienced similar situations and problems. While this might be helpful to a friend or a family member struggling in a situation, good listeners know to avoid giving unsolicited advice. They also hold off giving solutions to another person’s problems, especially when it’s not requested. They don’t lecture and dictate what their friend in trouble should do.

In most cases, people seek confidants because they need to rant or unload their feelings. They want to rehash the things that are bothering them because their minds are so bothered and boggled. They might not really need advice and solutions.

Some people may actually be offended if they tell someone their issues and then start getting advice, especially if it concerns relationships. But good listeners recognize that they can still be helpful without having the answers; they just need to have great listening skills.

Final Thoughts On Things Good Listeners Do Differently

Every person is capable of listening but the ones who are really good at this are more mindful of their actions and reactions, especially the non-verbal ones. They are also careful not to escalate tensions or conflicts by remaining empathetic to the feelings and thoughts of the one talking. They can set aside their biases and keep their mind open so that the communication becomes more enlightening and valuable.

Good listeners are emotionally intelligent; developing this skill can take years of practice, learning, and interacting with different kinds of people. But their ability to focus while creating a bond with another person makes them different from other people. Research shows that good listeners actually make the best leaders as well.

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Source – powerofpositivity.com