5 Times When Being Competitive Can Be A Bad Thing


Our society sometimes encourages a competitive spirit among individuals seeking success, and for a good reason. It allows you to rise to new challenges, learn from the people you compete with, and better yourself as you keep up with your rivals in new and exciting ways.

But not all competition is good, and sometimes, fiery competitiveness can even be detrimental for you, others, and your progress. Here are five times when being competitive can be a bad thing.

1. You Feel Motivated By The Wrong Things

Competition can be motivated by many different factors, but for it to be healthy, it has to be fueled by the right things. Here are some harmful forms of competitive motivation:

· Jealousy Or Envy

The green-eyed monster is powerful and often feels all-consuming. When you’re motivated to be competitive due to your envy of others, you’ll often wind up making selfish decisions that can harm those around you – and even yourself, in the long run. Stop placing your focus on envy. Instead, focus on things you find inspiring.

· Obsession

Obsession is such an extreme state of mind that it is always, regardless of the situation, very unhealthy – and that includes during competitive urges.

· A Desire To Win

Winning at all costs is a constant motivational factor for competition, and it works in direct, intentional, organized contests. As hyper-competitiveness, it’s one of the four faces of competition, with the other three being lack of interest, anxiety-driven avoidant, and, of course, the one you should aspire to be: self-developmental.

· Ego

Some people attach their egos to success. This means your pride and self-worth will be dictated by how well you do, causing you to become toxic in your competitiveness. Failure is a part of life and is no indicator of worth.

· Fear

Fear of scarcity is a widespread issue among those who are overly competitive in the wrong ways. The concept that you have to fight for your piece of the proverbial pie is often an unhealthy one, as real-life doesn’t have to be greedy chaos.

· Status

Did you know that a study found that people have more positive responses to perceived social ranking, even if they claim otherwise? Even those who think they put more stock in mastery and personal progress respond better to social praise. Status isn’t an unreasonable thing to strive for, but it shouldn’t be the primary fuel to your competitive fire.

· Compromised Values

For some people, their desire to be competitive runs so strongly that they simply do so for the sake of competition, even when it goes against their core beliefs and values. When you’re competing, you should have a substantial reason for it, and you shouldn’t forget your goals and dreams in the process.

impostor syndrome

2. When It’s Not All About You

Competition only works well in solo efforts, or on a very subdued level in group efforts (though that still usually isn’t recommended). When you’re working on something with others, then being competitive is more of a hamper than a help, because in this situation, it’s not about you and you shouldn’t be focusing on yourself. Here are some signs that you tend not to play by those non-selfish rules:

· You Think You Cannot Share Your Success

All competitions are win-lose types of situations. In other words, the desire to succeed alone means a loss for everyone else – and when you eventually aren’t the “winner,” you’ll wind up the loser. Indeed, you can share success among different people. Start to see–plenty of situations have win-win possibilities in them.

· You Value Your Performance Over Teamwork

In a lot of real-life situations, you’ll be working with, not against, your peers. At work, you cooperate with your colleagues. In classes, you progress together. In your personal life, you lift those around you, and they do the same. When your competitiveness starts to mean that you no longer care about teamwork and only think of yourself, you’ve gone too far.

· You Don’t Wish Success On Others

When your competitiveness is more about being the only one to succeed, you’re not just performing illogical and toxic behavior, but you’re also setting an impossible goal. Some people are going to succeed alongside you, and attempts to be the only one ever at the top will likely end in burnout and the failure you fear.

· You Secretly Want Others To Fail

An extremely toxic trait, this type of thinking is sadly common among competitive folk, and it can be tough to stop it once it has a subconscious hold on you. Healthy competition doesn’t involve wishing the worst on others. It means using other people’s success as motivation and inspiration.

· You Don’t Want Others To Get On Your Level

Last-place aversion is a feeling where the closer you are to the bottom, the less you want others to be on the same level as you. Studies have found that people one tier above the lowest positions tend to be the most discouraging towards least position progress, a direct opposite from those in the highest places. This mindset is not at all the right kind of positive thinking; focusing on what’s behind you doesn’t help you move forward.

3. When Your Improvement Is Impeded

If your competitiveness is paying off, then you should be experiencing positive improvement, growing as you are motivated to challenge others and rival them. But when your development is going downhill, something’s off. Here are some signs that your improvement has been impeded by competition:

· When You Can’t Innovate Anymore

Focusing only on “winning” means you do things how you know to get ahead. This situation leaves you with little room for self-improvement and innovation, as you aren’t willing to take risks or voice new ideas due to your focus on being in the first place.

· When It Stops You From Performing Well

An insistence on competition ruins your chances of cooperation, meaning you don’t get the opportunity to learn from your peers and get work done faster and with better quality. That’s not to say you can’t complete your tasks alone relatively well, but your performance can be impeded when you try to be the number one lone wolf.

· When Your Skills No Longer Grow

Breaks are crucial to self-improvement, and being overly competitive can often mean not getting any of those very important breaks. Studies have shown that literally doing nothing and allowing the mind to wander helps the brain’s creativity and productivity.

4. When Your Relationship With Others Is Hurt

Competition is, for the most part, supposed to be friendly. It’s not supposed to have a negative effect on your relationships with others at all, and if it does, that means there’s toxicity leaking out into your social interactions. Here are some “competitive” behaviors that hurt the friendships and partnerships you’ve built:

· Diminishing The Work Of Others

If your competitive spirit is making you scoff at other people’s work and degrade them for not doing as well as you perceive yourself doing, you’re going to lose a lot of friends. You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, whether you’re putting yourself or the other people down.

· Attention-Seeking

If your competitiveness is primarily to gain the favor and attention of others, you can become so self-focused that the people around you start to become almost nonhuman in your eyes. You do everything for their approval or notice, and most of them will suspect this and give you even less attention in turn.

· Only Wanting Validation

Unfortunately, studies have found that individuals tend to value shallow features of competition, such as in regards to attractiveness or praise, as opposed to performance or morality. Basing your competitive thoughts on purely shallow opinions of others is a poor way to live your life.

· Idealizing Other People

You scroll through social media and beat yourself up whenever everyone else shows they’re doing well. You dream of being like these people, forgetting entirely that most people only upload content that shows them in the most favorable light possible to gain attention. These images are unattainable, and everyone has their daily struggles. Whether you idealize someone in real life or online, know that you don’t remember their efforts. Your best bet is to focus on you.


5. When You Feel Terrible Afterwards

Being competitive is supposed to fuel you. If after a streak of competition, you just feel awful – and not only tired but genuinely terrible – then your competitiveness is harming you. Here are some signs that this is happening:

· You Fail to Manage Your Stress Levels

Being competitive in the right amounts can give you the strength to go in frustrating times. But too much competition can just cause you to feel very stressed out all the time, and this frustration is exceptionally unhealthy. Numerous studies indicate various downsides to stress, including decreasing positive thinking overall on top of changing the way the brain functions altogether.

· You Feel Depressed

Being unable to reach your goals and feeling like you can’t keep up with your peers is always an upsetting feeling. But when the competition goes too far, you can be bummed out all the time and lose all positive thinking. Any sign that someone else is closer to your goal can immediately give you the blues, and this is very toxic to your mindset.

· You’re Bitter

Whenever someone else succeeds, you shouldn’t be so invested that resentment fills you and threatens to burst free. There’s no reason to be bitter. Life doesn’t hand out grand prizes – multiple people can achieve similar things if they put in the work and effort.

· You Want To Give Up

If watching other people do well in life is making you want to give up on your own goals, or if your competitive spirit is resulting in unhealthy work-life balance and burning you out, that drive for competition may be ruining your chances of success. Learning from the achievements of others is better than always trying to beat them to it.

competitiveFinal Thoughts On How Sometimes Being Competitive Can Be A Bad Thing

Being competitive can often be a great thing. But like all other traits, you must not take it to extremes. Knowing when and where you can let your competitive flag fly is crucial in maintaining healthy competition. You may always have your competitive spirit burning. But learn to direct it in the right channels and avenues. Then, it will bring you good results, not bad ones.

The post 5 Times When Being Competitive Can Be A Bad Thing appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.

Source –


12 Reasons Why Loved Ones Fight With Each Other


Fights with people you love can be painful. Emotions get riled up, you may say things you don’t mean, and you wind up feeling awful afterward because of the strain in your relationship. Patching things up is difficult, and you can feel at a loss for how to move forward.

You’ve likely noticed that you fight much more with your loved ones than with mere acquaintances. It’s a frustrating phenomenon, and it can be tough to understand why this happens.

Here are 12 reasons why loved ones fight with each other.

1. Misunderstandings and Miscommunications

Relationships aren’t always positive. Sometimes there are crossed wires, or maybe something went unsaid. Whatever the cause, the result is the same – fights and arguments with our loved ones. In some unfortunate cases, it can develop to the point of no return as resentment simmers and boils over in a conflict.

Here are a few ways to avoid this from happening:

  • Pay attention to your choice of words within a given situation
  • Make sure your volume and tone are appropriate
  • Ensure that you are truly listening and paying attention to your partner

2. Focusing on Oneself, Not On The Team

It’s important to remember that the success of any relationship is reliant on the teamwork involved. You’ll find that you often end up recovering positive thinking faster after the resolution of any conflict you have with your loved ones.

Thinking of yourself first instead of you and your loved ones as a team is often the cause of more conflicts than not, as discovered by a study from National Taiwan University. To remind yourself that it’s a team effort, you should:

  • Use the word “we” when referring to you and your loved ones
  • Think of you and your loved ones as a singular unit, rather than separate units
  • Work together with your loved ones to ensure all parties involved come out winners


3. Insecurity Between Loved Ones

Our insecurities may not be evident to us until they are triggered. In such situations, a calm discussion can quickly snowball into an unintentional fight. Avoiding such situations requires one to:

  • Be self-aware of what you may naturally perceive as a threat
  • Understand that our loved ones do not mean to harm us deliberately
  • Be willing to discuss concerns and issues beforehand in a calm, open manner

4. Focusing On The Past

Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it – but fixating on one’s past does not give it justice either.

· Make Your Closure

It’s easy to want to find closure from the other person, especially if you have been wronged. However, that isn’t always possible. Thus, it is best to come to terms with or without the involved party.

· Consider Therapy

Trying to push forward without dealing with buried issues may only serve to make present and future problems worse. Try consulting a therapist to resolve any trauma you may have to stop fixating on the past.

· Maintain Open Communication

While it is inevitable that your partner may accidentally hit a raw nerve or two regardless of their care, it is best to inform them in advance so that they understand how to better support you.

· Move On

Sometimes, there is no real way to truly heal and recover. The best you can do is to avoid fixating on events that have hurt you. Instead, forge onwards and make better memories for yourself.

5. Too Much Rationality (Yes, Really!)

Most would assume that being reasonable and rational is the method that will produce the most positive results in a conflict. As it turns out, this is not the case. A study has shown that when you are trying to be reasonable in an argument, it also makes it difficult to listen to the other person and come to a compromise.

As a result, being in a reasonable state of mind often ends up with us thinking of a way to defend ourselves from criticism and somehow win the argument. A better thing to do instead would be to:

  • Take some time to listen to the other person’s points.
  • Stop thinking of arguments as something to win or overcome
  • Examine the other person’s argument as if it is something of value
  • Avoid using reason as a weapon against the other party

6. Pet Peeves

Pet peeves are any quirks and habits that you or your partner may quickly find annoying. There is nothing inherently wrong with these quirks, but it can be a source of irritation and frustration – sometimes to the point of conflict. In such cases, it’s best to:

  • Consider if the habit or quirk is something that can be adjusted or resolved.
  • Discuss openly your pet peeve, and how it is affecting you
  • Learn how to work around or with the pet peeve, to reduce its irritation on you

7. Impossible Expectations

Thanks to the romantic formula seen time and time again across various media, many of us start a relationship with an unrealistic idea of what romantic love and relationships are. Unfortunately, the reality is not as exciting or smooth sailing – and fights can ensue as a result. Here are a few things to bear in mind:

  • Love is not a feeling. Rather, it is something that must be actively worked towards every day in your actions.
  • Open communication is incredibly important, no matter how silly, embarrassed, or vulnerable it makes you feel.
  • Learning how to deescalate and resolve conflicts is an incredibly important skill in any relationship
  • Discuss each other’s needs openly and regularly, and work together to figure out how to meet them
  • Be kind to both yourself and your loved ones

8. Being Inauthentic

An easy assumption to make is that ceding to your partner and being permissive is a method that is guaranteed to avoid conflicts of any sort. Unfortunately, this couldn’t be further from the truth.

In reality, research has shown that forced positive thinking to cover up one’s true feelings or beliefs can create a long-lasting depressive mood. Instead, it is best to be authentic to yourself and those around you. Here are a few ways to do so:

  • Take a stand in what you believe in, regardless of your loved ones’ opinions.
  • Communicate your thoughts and beliefs clearly and openly
  • Avoid downplaying or hiding your real feelings.
Therapists explain how to repair your relationship after a fight.

9. Mistreatment Is Less Acceptable From Loved Ones

It is easy to assume that love will also bring with it plenty of patience. In reality, however, our tolerance for mistreatment is often higher for strangers than it is for loved ones. Here are a few possible reasons for it:

· Negative Things Rile Us Up Easily

It is simply human nature to be more invested and argumentative about things that we dislike over things we do like.

· Low Tolerance For Our Inner Circle

When surrounded by people of your choosing, you may find that you have less patience for their faults in comparison to that of strangers.

· Familiarity Breeds Contempt

It may be easier to dismiss the behavior of one-time strangers. In contrast, the proximity of your loved ones may cause more irritation. If unresolved, this might build up over time and eventually burst into open conflict.

10. A Lack of Sleep

It’s well known just how bad a lack of sleep can affect one’s mental, physical, and emotional state – even in small amounts. It should then come as no surprise that a lack of sleep is fully capable of affecting one’s relationship as well.

For those who are in denial, a study has confirmed that even if only one partner was deprived, it had a significant effect on their ability to deescalate situations and resolve conflicts. Thus, it is ideal to ensure you get good, significant sleep. Here are a few ways to guarantee it:

  • Make sure you have a consistent bedtime and wake up time, even on the weekends
  • Start getting ready for bed at least 2 hours before your planned bedtime
  • Maintain a predictable bedtime routine to prepare yourself for sleep

11. Frustration From A Lack Of Perfection

No one is perfect. Therefore, as much as we want to be the best possible partner for our loved ones, it is foolish to expect perfection from yourself. As noble a goal as it is, trying to pursue such a path will only ultimately cause frustration and anger.

· Talk To Your Partner

All good relationships require open communication, and this topic is no exception to the rule – especially in times of frustration.

· There Is No Need For Perfection

If you do not impose these sorts of standards on your partner, why should you apply them to yourself? A good partner will love you despite your flaws, and may even not see them as such.

· Take A Break

It is impossible to be strong and supportive all the time. Sometimes you will need to rely on your partner’s support as well, and that is alright.

12. A Lack Of Self-Compassion

It should be noted that dismissing one’s own needs in a conflict is not helpful or productive. It is instead a major cause of emotional turmoil and is often caused by low self-compassion.

In contrast, research has shown that caring for your wants and needs and showing kindness to yourself results in better compromises and personal wellbeing. You can do this by:

  • Placing your own needs and wants as something of importance
  • Be kind to yourself when mistakes are made.
  • Treat yourself with the same kind of care you would a loved one.

loved onesFinal Thoughts On Some Reasons Why Loved Ones Fight With Each Other

Fights aren’t world-ending, even when they feel like they are. In most cases, fighting is completely normal when it comes to your loved ones, and it’s not something to be ashamed of or to beat yourself up over.

When the fight is over, work on patching things up with compassion, empathy, and the love you know you feel for the person in question. A strong relationship will grow with each fight, establishing new, healthy boundaries as you each learn more about the other person and yourselves.

At the end of the day, a fight does cause damage, but it’s nothing you and those you love can’t work through. Just remember the information you’ve learned from the 13 reasons why loved ones fight with each other, and you’ll better comprehend the underlying issues at hand.

The post 12 Reasons Why Loved Ones Fight With Each Other appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.

Source –


10 Ways to Beat the Urge to Procrastinate


Are you a procrastinator by nature? There are two types of people in life, those who strive to get everything done in one day and the others who try to put off as much as they can till tomorrow. Even the most conscientious person can have an unproductive day.

Time management is a problematic issue for many people. For instance, if you have a significant project looming at work, you may push off the job because it brings you massive amounts of anxiety. You may feel overwhelmed, overworked, and exhausted at the thought of completing this project.

However, some people are just the opposite. When the pressure is on, they thrive. These people work best under stress, and they have no problem accomplishing whatever they need to do, even if it’s the eleventh hour.

Sadly, if your procrastination has become worse, then it can affect your life. Your employer may not like your slacking, and your partner might not be too happy about them either. Being a procrastinator can affect many aspects of your day.

What if you didn’t take the trash out all week in your home? You keep telling yourself you’ll get to it and tomorrow’s another day. After a few days, the entire house is going to be affected by your decision. Trash will stink and can cause a putrid aroma in your home.

How long does it take to put the trash on the curb? It may take ten minutes of your time from start to finish. Consequently, your mind and body get to a point where it cannot tackle one more thing. You put off something because you’re tired, you need to rest, and sometimes you’re just a bit lazy.

When your procrastination is affecting you and those around you, it’s time for a reality check. You can and should break the habit of putting things off.

10 Ways to Beat the Desire to Procrastinate

Habits don’t become rituals overnight, and they won’t be broken overnight either. You must take baby steps towards reducing your procrastination tendencies. You need to manage your time more effectively to keep on track.

If you feel like you’re racing around the clock trying to get everything done, yet nothing seems to be completed, then here are some steps to help you conquer this common problem.

1. Understand Why You Procrastinate

Step into the role of a psychologist for a minute and determine why you tend to procrastinate. Write down your observations so that you can understand your thought processes and what triggers these behaviors. The biggest reason why so many people put things off is that they don’t like the thoughts or feelings they have about a situation.

For instance, if your boss gives you a big project that you must share with the board, you may find that the thoughts of public speaking amplify your social anxiety. So the real issues aren’t the project, but the way the project makes you feel is unnerving.

Once you can identify the reasons you put a situation off, you can hold yourself accountable for it. If the real reason is an underlying anxiety disorder, then you can treat the problem.

be productive quote

2. Schedule a Hard Deadline

Some tasks in life don’t come with deadlines, like cleaning out the garage. No boss is looking over your shoulder, and your spouse probably isn’t giving you a time frame either. While there is no hard schedule for this task, it’s something that’s easy to put off.

Did you know that many people who have problems with hoarding come about due to putting off cleaning and sorting? The hoard gets out of hand, and the problem has soon grown to such a massive ordeal that they cannot begin to handle.

Even if no one else is putting you on a schedule, you need to give yourself a hard deadline and stick to it. You should treat the timeline the same as if your boss gave it to you. Make a list, get out your calendar, and put yourself on notice. You have a lot of projects you’ve been putting off that need to be done.

3. Take Small Steps

It’s hard to get motivated to do anything, but if you take small steps towards your goal, then it seems more obtainable. If you continue taking small steps, then you can accomplish what appears to be impossible.

If you were to clean the garage for just one hour each evening, you could have it accomplished in a few nights. By separating it into small segments, your mind won’t be so overwhelmed by the task at hand. Plus, you’re retraining your brain to break things down into doable stages rather than looking at the big picture.

4. Don’t Beat Yourself Up

You’ve made a few mistakes, but you must learn to forgive yourself. Though you tend to procrastinate, remember that you’re human and not perfect 100 percent of the time. Life can be cruel enough without you beating yourself up over blunders.

Rather than speaking harshly when you make a mistake, speak positive affirmations to keep you on track. Remind yourself that you can and will accomplish your goals, even if you only do a little bit at a time.

5. Get an Accountability Partner

It’s always good to have a person to help you with accountability in your personal and professional life. Most people know they have projects looming but won’t ask for help. If you have someone that is your accountability partner, you can ask them when you’re in a bind to help, and they know they can ask you.

Accountability equals commitment, and you will not only let yourself down but also your partner. Having a partner can help you overcome your procrastination tendencies.

6. Turn Off Interruptions

One of the main reasons people have a problem getting things done is they have so many interruptions. Turn off your phone, put down the tablet, and step away from the computer. You will find that you can get things done when you get rid of all the things that obliterate your focus.

7. Reward Yourself

Sometimes, you must treat yourself like a child and put yourself on a reward system. When you set small and obtainable goals, then you should reward yourself when you accomplish the task.

Keep the goals equal to the amount of work. For instance, when you finally get that garage cleaned out, you may treat yourself to dinner at your favorite restaurant. Buying a new car for cleaning out the building isn’t entirely realistic.


8. Set Time to Procrastinate

Putting things off is human. You should allow yourself time to procrastinate each day. You could also call this your downtime.

Let’s assume that you block off from 5-7 pm each evening. You permit yourself to do nothing during that time. Use this as a period where you clear your mind and refocus so that you can get things done. Everyone needs downtime occasionally.

9. Think of the Outcome

Many people tend to procrastinate because they don’t like the overwhelming task. The focus is on the wrong part of the assignment. Think about what you will accomplish in the end?

If you’ve been putting off cleaning the carpets for over six months, imagine how much better they will look and smell when you finally get them cleaned. Sure, it’s an overwhelming task to clean the carpet in every room, but you should focus on the positive result rather than the work.

10. Commit to Non-Negotiable Items

No matter how tired you are from the day, some things are non-negotiable. Things like putting the dinner dishes in the dishwasher, taking out the trash, and taking a shower are inflexible.

What are the things that you need to do daily that are non-negotiable? If you procrastinate on the dishes, a shower, or the trash, the consequences can affect those around you. Set a list of things that you must do each day regardless of how much you want to put them off until tomorrow.

procrastinateFinal Thoughts on How to Overcome the “Procrastinate” Mindset

You’re busy, and life is chaotic. It’s easy to procrastinate things that you just don’t want or feel like doing. Everyone does it, and it’s part of life.

However, your procrastinating habits can cost you a relationship, job, or affect your quality of life. You can take steps to retrain your brain to stop avoiding the inevitable. For many people, it’s as simple as breaking the task down into small, manageable pieces to keep anxiety at bay.

When you stop focusing on the overwhelming big picture, then you will find that taking small bits allows you to get it done better. Remember the old saying, “There’s only one way to eat an elephant; it’s one spoonful at a time.”

The post 10 Ways to Beat the Urge to Procrastinate appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.

Source –


Science Explains How Keratin Treatments Give You Healthier Hair


Today, keratin treatments have become incredibly popular, and this is because of their capacity to make hair healthier. Hair was, and remains, an integral part of the human body that people strive to take care of. Of course, maintaining a head full of beautiful and healthy hair takes a lot of things into consideration, and it requires a good amount of investment.

Especially for women, hair speaks volumes about them, and that is why they go out of their way to make sure that they look good. This appearance is why the idea of keratin treatments has become such a fundamental aspect of the cosmetics industry. In fact, hair health is so important that studies on this subject have become popular among researchers.

There is a sense of wellness that healthy hair brings to a person, and this is the premise that informs the significance of keratin treatments. Just like any other treatment, there is a science explaining how keratin treatment procedures give you healthier hair. Indeed, understanding hair health and how to treat it goes a long way in improving your physical look and personality.

A Quick Understanding about Hair

Read about the 15 ways that snacking on nuts can improve the health of your hair and skin.

Before diving straight into figuring out the science behind keratin treatments, a brief knowledge about hair is in order. Keratin is one of the components found in hair. Keratin is a protein containing three layers, namely: medulla, cortex, and cuticle.

The cuticle plays the role of protector, while the medulla and cortex are responsible for pigments that give your hair color. Keratin plays a vital role in the healthy development of your hair. It’s because of exposure to pollution, sunlight, and chemicals that the amount of keratin in your hair goes down, and your hair becomes dull and gets damaged.

Overview of Keratin Treatments

Whenever you hear of keratin treatments, this is the science of adding keratin to your hair to join up with the natural keratin already existing in your hair. The procedure helps to make your hair stronger, both in the outside and inside. When one has a keratin treatment, keratin molecules go through the hair cortex, and, as a result, they help improve and repair damaged hair.

While the smaller keratin molecules go through the cortex, the larger ones cover the hair cuticle and play the role of protecting it from external factors like sunshine and pollutants. It’s imperative to note that these treatments are short, and they depend on the thickness and length of one’s hair. Moreover, you should be aware that these treatment procedures are temporary-they last for around 2-4 months.

It is of great interest to point out that keratin treatment allows you to style your hair in different styles. It doesn’t fix you to a single style.

What Is Healthy Hair Like?

Virtually everybody wants to have healthy and strong hair. The critical question, in this regard, is how healthy hair looks like. Once you are knowledgeable of how healthy hair looks like, you will know what to expect when having keratin treatments.

Different characteristics will show you when your hair is healthy. They include:

  • Soft and shiny hair

Healthy hair will appear shiny and soft when you touch it. This is often the result of well-moisturized hair that has minimal damage. Regular treatment of your hair makes it look smooth and shiny.

  • Strong hair

This is a critical point to note about your hair. Healthy hair will always be robust. While shedding off of hair is typical for its growth cycle, excessive shedding is a sign that your hair is not strong enough.

  • Minimal breakage

Again, as you monitor your hair, check the degree of its breakage. If the level of damage is minimal, then your hair is healthy. You should only get concerned when you notice your floor covered with hair every time you comb your hair.

Research explains why having red hair might place you at a higher risk for skin cancer.

The Science Behind Keratin-treated Hair

There is an explanation of why keratin-treated hair appears healthier. Keratin treatments have become popular, and this is because of scientific proof of their ability to improve the quality and health of hair. Based on the benefits of this treatment, you will get to know how hair turns from being dull, dry, and damaged to be healthy, shiny, moisturized, and strong.

  • Keratin treatment prevents hair damage.

In most cases, people use a considerable amount of heat to work on their hair. The good thing with this particular hair treatment is that it reduces the application of a lot of heat regularly. Therefore, hair damage as a result of consistent exposure to much heat will not be a problem anymore.

  • Keratin treatment makes hair smoother.

Keratin works to make hair smoother. As you already know, smoothness is a sign of healthy hair. If you ask specialists in the hair industry, they will tell you that it’s effortless to maintain such hair.

The science behind this is that keratin functions by smoothening the cells that form hair strands. The hair cuticle takes in the keratin, and the result is the growth of smooth and glossy hair. It is because of this process that hair looks less frizzy and easier to maintain.

  • Keratin treatments strengthen hair.

Nobody wants to have his or her hair breaking now and then. In fact, this is a problem that many people go out of their way to eliminate. Keratin treatment of hair has a way of solving this significant challenge.

Upon treatment, your hair receives a boost of strength and softness, thus giving it the ability to cope with very low and high temperatures. If you are doing hairstyling techniques that require a lot of heat to produce results, the chances are high that you might affect the strength quality of your hair. It is for this reason that you should consider doing keratin treatment to increase the strength and elasticity levels of your hair.

Experts reveal the truth about using castor oil to grow longer hair.
  • Keratin prevents damage and replenishes your hair.

Keratin treatments are pivotal in preventing further damage to your hair as well as replenishing it. Generally, hair needs protection from factors that lead to its detriment. If the keratin in your hair gets exhausted, it loses its layer of protection.

However, keratin treatment provides a layer of protection that makes it possible to keep external factors from damaging it. If your hair gets damaged, keratin offers a mechanism through which you can repair it and restore its look. There are times when your hair will be susceptible to extreme dryness.

It’s during these seasons that this treatment procedure makes it possible to replenish your hair. Hair damage is a huge challenge to many people, but keratin comes in handy to provide a timely solution.

  • Keratin offers protection to hair.

Part of what affects the health of hair is excessive exposure to external factors. Hence, the fact that keratin helps to offer the much-needed protection to hair makes it an essential hair health booster.

Whenever you do keratin treatment on your hair, you increase the strength of hair strands. Consequently, your hair becomes more able to resist environmental factors. For example, even in a windy environment, your hair will remain shiny and healthy.

Again, if you live in an environment with regular air pollution, keratin keeps your hair from appearing dull. Through this, it’s evident that this treatment procedure provides the healthy hair enhancement that you need.

grow hairFinal Thoughts on Keratin and Better Hair Health

Now that you have known that keratin treatments are highly valuable for healthier hair, it’s also cardinal to know the things that you should do to maintain healthy hair. One of the things you should put into consideration is having a high-quality dry shampoo since you shouldn’t wash your hair for at least two days after treatment. This will be vital if you will have to maintain quality care of your hair for a longer time.

Moreover, for you to maintain extra care and maintain healthier hair after treatment, you should consult a specialist on details concerning the same. Usually, depending on your hair type, there are steps that you should take to ensure that you don’t expose your hair to factors that would affect its overall health. Essentially, it is an excellent idea for you to consult your hair specialist on the hair products that you should continue using to enjoy healthier hair for longer.

It’s without a doubt that having healthy hair is the goal of most people. Hair plays a significant role in one’s presentation, and it also tells much about his or her personality. That is why you will find people investing massively in hair products and procedures aimed at improving the quality of hair health.

Keratin treatment is one of the procedures that stylists and hair specialists recommend to make hair healthier. Through scientific research, it’s evident that this treatment procedure carries a great deal of significance in improving the quality of one’s hair. Therefore, if you would like to have healthier, shinier, and smoother hair, consider going for a keratin treatment.

The post Science Explains How Keratin Treatments Give You Healthier Hair appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.

Source –


15 Signs You Are An Excellent Communicator


A person who is an excellent communicator can be a valuable member of your team. If that person happens to be the leader of the group, that’s even better. Scientists and psychologists agree that these people are usually highly successful and often lead teams to success.

Spotting someone poor at communicating is not hard. In fact, they stick out like a sore thumb. They are often the person that everyone tries to avoid or the person who needs a restatement of everything all the time. It can be frustrating to deal with someone who cannot communicate well. Depending on the situation, you could be setting yourself up for failure coping with that person.

To avoid dealing with a weak communicator, or to avoid being one, you should study and practice the common traits of people who communicate well. If you pay attention, you will see these 15 signs that a person is an excellent communicator and, if needed, you can apply them to yourself.

Here are the 15 signs of a great communicator

1. They are approachable.

The person will be approachable because people need to feel comfortable talking to them. They will often have an open-door policy as well as a way to put people at ease when a topic is a contentious or awkward subject. Their mood is always agreeable, even if they may disagree with the person they are communicating with. A straightforward way to put this is that you will not feel like you’re walking on eggshells around someone excellent at communicating with people.

2. They are great listeners.

Listening is essential to communicating well. Many people may hear what others say, but there is a big difference between hearing and listening. Listening means hearing and processing what the person is saying. It does not mean being solely focused on your reply, thinking about how much better your idea is, or reminiscing on the latest cat video you watched on social media. You focus on what they’re saying, and you value their input. A great communicator actively listens to what others say.

3. They are well-spoken.

A person cannot be excellent at communicating if people always must decipher what they’re saying. A person with excellent communication skills has a firm handle on the language they are speaking. They can put words together well, create clear, concise sentences, and clearly aptly describe their ideas.

Their voice is at a significant volume when they speak, and they do not mumble their words. Everyone in the room will be able to understand what they are saying clearly.

4. They write intelligently.

Have you ever read something with a lot of grammatical errors? It probably made you cringe. Communication with people is not always verbal. In fact, today, most dialogue is written or visual, especially with social media being so prevalent.

Just as excellent communication requires a person to be well-spoken, it also requires the person to be able to write well. With an excellent communicator, you do not have to worry about misspelled words, run-on sentences, or writing that simply does not flow well.


5. They are open-minded.

Someone excellent at communicating understands that not everyone is going to have the same ideas or ways of thinking as they do. This trait means they must be open-minded to the new ideas of others. Being open-minded allows everyone involved in a conversation to feel included and valued.

When people feel this way, they are more willing to keep the communication going. People who are great at communicating understand that the free flow of ideas is just as important as their ideas.

6. Great communicators are very authentic and honest.

Can a liar communicate effectively? At first, they can. However, they will have to keep lying, and eventually, their lies will be exposed. When this happens, any communication that previously happened is immediately scrutinized and possibly deemed as unreliable. A person who is excellent at communicating understands that being trustworthy is the best way to communicate with people.

7. They display the right body language.

If you think that your ears and brain are the only body parts involved in being excellent at communicating, think again. People pick up on body language. Sometimes you can even catch someone mirroring your body language when you talk to them. This is called non-verbal communication. Good eye contact is one of the most important ways to be an excellent non-verbal communicator. Good posture is another example. In many cases, body language can communicate louder than words can.

8. They maintain a positive attitude.

Just like people can mirror body language, they will do the same with attitude. Mirroring a person’s attitude can spread like wildfire. People who are excellent at communicating are aware of this and how a bad attitude can break down communication.

This is why you will often find that people who are excellent at communicating are often in a great mood. Even if they have bad things going on in their lives, you will never know it from the way they act on the outside.

9. They inspire others.

A person who is excellent at communicating knows how to inspire people even if they are speaking to a crowd. They can read the crowd and have such meaningful dialogue that people will feel like they are talking with them one on one. After talking with a person who is excellent at communicating, people feel like they have gained something they did not have before, such as knowledge, motivation, clarity, and more.

10. People tend to gravitate towards them.

People tend to gravitate towards a great communicator, just like they gravitate towards people with great personalities. This is because it can be refreshing to talk to someone whom you can understand clearly and precisely versus talking to someone who can leave you feeling confused and unsure.

You can spot a person who is excellent at communicating because people may go to them for help, advice, clarification, and more, even if they are not the person in charge.


11. They reply to phone calls, messages, and emails promptly.

As stated before, communication is not always verbal. Electronic communication is just as important as verbal and non-verbal communication. Someone excellent at conversation knows how important it is to reply to messages as soon as possible.

They respect people’s time and understand how important it is to relay information quickly. You will never have to hunt down a person who is excellent at communicating if you need an answer to an inquiry.

12. They are reliable.

Just as you can rely on them to respond to messages quickly, you can rely on them in other areas also. People who communicate well know that communication means nothing without trust and a good reputation. These two things can teach more about a person than any words can.

They can also communicate how the person feels about others as well. A person who is great at communicating is someone that you can depend on without a lot of restatement of facts or tasks.

13. They can debate without getting upset or rude.

Someone who is skilled in communicating knows that they will not always see eye to eye with everyone. They also understand that it’s okay – after all, that’s how you learn and grow. People who communicate well can have a civilized debate without getting angry, resorting to name-calling, lying, or exaggerating outlandish stories to try to make themselves seem right. They will be able to support their side of things with logical facts, or they will be ready to bow out gracefully if they’ve lost a debate.

14. They are patient.

People who are great with communication are often aware that not everyone else is excellent with communication. Therefore, they understand that they will have to have a high level of patience when communicating with other people.

One way that those with excellent communication skills builds patience is through actively listening to people. One needs the patience to listen to people and understand what they are saying. Therefore, this habit is something that a person who is excellent with communication has likely mastered.

15. They can connect with who they are communicating with.

People who are excellent at communicating are not good at it because they can talk clearly. Indeed, these people possess the ability to hit home with what they are saying. It doesn’t matter if it’s a single individual or a group, a person who is skilled at effective communication can form an invisible connection with people that will make those people want to tune in to what they’re saying even more.

conversationFinal Thoughts on the traits of an excellent communicator

There may be several reasons you are looking for signs of a person who is excellent at communicating. Perhaps you have a position you want to fill in your business. Maybe you are looking for a public speaker. You may even want to learn how to be better at communicating.

Communication is such an important skill. Without it, the world could not function each day. People who are great at communicating are often the glue that holds things together, especially in a work environment. If you need to spot an excellent communicator, the 15 signs above will help you spot one from a mile away.

The post 15 Signs You Are An Excellent Communicator appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.

Source –


10 Red Flags Reveal You’re About to Get Ghosted by Your Partner


Getting ghosted is the process of someone breaking up with you in a very disrespectful way–by not answering phone calls or texts at all. Most of the time, there are signs to make you aware of the problem before it takes you by surprise. Here are ten red flags that reveal you’re about to get ghosted by your partner.

10 Signs You’re About to Get Ghosted

1. Unenthusiastic Texting Habits

When a couple is interested in each other, they will keep in contact. One of the easiest ways to stay in touch these days is via text. You can tell a lot about how someone feels about you based on their texting habits.

Who is the first one to initiate texts? If you are always the one starting conversation, that could be a sign they don’t care to reach out to you.

Do they text in one-word answers? When you ask someone about their day, and they merely respond with “ok” or “fine,” they aren’t trying to engage in a full conversation. They could be busy, but they also just might not want to talk.

How long does it take to get a response? You want and deserve someone who makes you a priority throughout their busy day. You shouldn’t have to wait for days for an answer. Eventually, a couple of days will turn into absolutely no response at all.

2. Limited or No PDA

Public displays of affection (PDA) are things like holding hands and kissing while out in public. While gratuitous PDA can be inappropriate and somewhat gross, some public displays are adorable. It’s also a way to show everyone else that you are with someone at the moment.

If your partner refuses to partake in any sort of PDA, it’s a sign they aren’t interested. They want to appear single to the rest of the world.

Now, some people just aren’t that into PDA; it makes them uncomfortable. You may even be one of those people yourself. However, when combined with other signs on the list, it could point to someone who will eventually ghost you.

3. Canceled Plans

When you make plans with someone, you should follow through with those plans. However, when someone isn’t very interested, they may cancel those plans when something better comes along. If your date canceled plans, it’s a red flag.

Granted, there are some legitimate reasons why you may need to cancel a date. For example, you may feel sick or have a family matter to tend to. When someone has a legitimate excuse, they will make a point to reschedule. He will also show regret. And, he’ll make the cancellation up to you with a special date or surprise later.

Finally, they will let you know as soon as possible instead of leaving you waiting around for them. Be understanding if it happens once, but you should not allow it to become a pattern. One of these days, you will just stop trying to reschedule.

feel lost

4. Constantly Distracted When Together

You and your date are finally together! Yay! Now, you should pay attention to how attentive they are to you. You don’t want to be out with someone who is barely paying any attention to you. They should not be always on their phone, dazing off into space, or staring at other women the entire night. They should be providing eye contact and engaging in conversation.

Your partner should be trying to get to know you at every available opportunity. If they aren’t engaged, it could be a sign they aren’t engaged with the idea of dating you.

According to the National Institutes of Health, attentive mannerisms are a sign of a healthy relationship. Here is what they have to say:

You feel safe talking about how you feel, you listen to each other. You feel valued, and you trust each other. ~NIH

Try asking open-ended questions to get them talking. You can also try telling them they seem distracted, in case they aren’t aware. If they don’t change their behavior to show you the attention you deserve, they may not plan on showing you very much attention in the future, either.

5. Not Introducing You to Friends/Family

When someone pictures you in their life, they will also picture you with the other people in their life. If your date hasn’t introduced you to their friends and family after time, they may not plan on ever making you a real part of their life.

Even worse is when you are out together, and they see friends but fail to introduce you to them. It can feel like they are trying to hide you from people. Some people need time to take the next step and introduce you to friends and family, but it shouldn’t take more than a couple of months.

6. Excessive Pet Names

You may think it’s cute when you get called “babe” or “honey” by your date. It’s a term of endearment, and it can make you feel affection. However, this may not be as cute as you thought it was.

Some people use pet names as a way to disassociate someone. If they use pet names, you are less of a person to them. Plus, they won’t accidentally call you by another person’s name. Instead, you want to have them use your actual name. Excessive pet names are just a sign that you might soon get ghosted.

7. Not Trying to Impress

If you want to impress somebody, you put time and effort into the way you look. You will shower, get your nails done, shave, do your hair, do your makeup, put on makeup, put on perfume, and wear pretty clothes.

Some people may not be as high maintenance as you, but they should put some sort of effort into their appearance when they know they are going to see you. Your partner should care not only about their appearance but also the appearance of their home. They should try to clean up a little bit for you.

How does your date look when you come over? Are they a disgusting mess, or have they put some effort into it? Even people who don’t put much care into how they look will put on a fresh tee-shirt and maybe a splash of cologne. If they can’t be bothered at all, they may be thinking about breaking up.

failed relationship

8. Not Opening Up

When you date someone, you will start to get to know each other. You will learn about each other’s interests and hobbies. You will also learn about their aspirations in life and the people who matter to them. At least, you should. Some people aren’t as quick to open up as others, but there should be progress with time.

When people open up to each other, it brings them closer together than ever before. This is how you develop a relationship. If your date isn’t so keen about opening up, you should ask questions. Start by asking questions that aren’t too personal and gradually up the intensity.

Do not talk about things that could be considered too personal at first. You should avoid those conversations for the first couple of dates. With time, you can ask more and more. If you are going to be ghosted, they will likely do everything possible to avoid being vulnerable in front of you.

9. No Talk of the Future

The point of dating is to develop a future together. If you are going to get ghosted, you date isn’t going to want to think about the future with you. It starts with plans.

  • Can you make plans for the next weekend, or is that too far in the future?
  • Do you make plans for upcoming events and holidays?
  • When you do talk about the future, do you put each other into that conversation?

You may be picturing a house and family while they may not be thinking past the next morning. Some people just aren’t thinking about their future in general. You may need to consider breaking up with someone who seems to be in a perpetual state of adolescence.

According to Jill Weber, Ph.D., shared in Psychology Today that shared goals make a couple more likely to begin planning their lives together.

Notice if you are able to talk about what you want in the future and if your partner is also able to do so as well. ~Jill Weber Ph.D.

10. You Feel It Coming

You need to learn to trust your intuition. Sometimes you just need to get in touch with your feelings and be honest with yourself. If you can just feel the lack of interest, you need to admit it and move on instead of trying to be with someone who doesn’t make you feel wanted. Now, this can get complicated if you tend to have a bad intuition. If you have weak intuition, you should make a point to talk to your partner and let them know if you are worried about getting ghosted. They may hear you and give you reassurance.

ghostedFinal Thoughts on Getting Ghosted

Getting ghosted is much worse when you don’t anticipate the end of your relationship. If you are going to get ghosted, you’ll see some of these signs. Use these red flags to prepare yourself for the hurt of this breakup. The more red flags you spot, the better the chance that you will soon be single.

The post 10 Red Flags Reveal You’re About to Get Ghosted by Your Partner appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.

Source –


Researchers Explain What Your Hair Color Says About Your Personality


There have always been strong assumptions about hair color and personality. If you are a redhead, perhaps you’ve been told you must have a fiery temper. Or if you’re blonde, you may have had to push back on the “dumb blonde” misconception. Many people wonder if there is any truth about hair color attributing to your personality. So, what does your hair color say about your personality?

Melanin and Your Hair Color

Melanin is the pigment in your skin. It protects your skin from the harmful radiation of the sun. It also creates the color of your skin and hair. Your hair follicles at the end of each strand of hair have two types of melanin. If there is more of one kind than the other, your hair will be darker. If there is less, you will have lighter hair.

Here’s How Others Judge You by Hair Color (according to research)

Red hair

One study found that red-hair is more common in women than in men, plus redheaded women are more prone to feeling pain than red-haired men. Red hair is uniquely honored in some countries, although if you’re a redhead, you may have been called names like “gingy” or “red.” If you have red hair, you may have these personality qualities.

  • Mysterious
  • Romantic
  • Fiery
  • Confident when you want, at other times self-doubt
  • Unique
  • Seductive

Famous redheads:

  • Ed Sheeran
  • Galileo
  • Florence Nightingale
  • Malcolm X
  • Vincent Van Gogh
  • George Washington
  • Mark Twain
  • Dale Earnhardt, Jr.
  • Winston Churchill
  • Lucille Ball

Brunette or brown hair

Brown hair color is the standard in more western countries. Brown hair is the thickest and coarsest of all hair colors, in general. Men often think brunettes are especially attractive. Interestingly enough, a high number of Nobel prize winners had brown hair.

One downside is that brunettes reveal balding patterns earlier than lighter shades. If you have brown hair, your personality characteristics may be similar to these.

  • Honesty
  • Reliability
  • Warmth
  • Contentment
  • Security
  • Warmness
  • Hard-working
  • Serious
  • Form long-term relationships
  • Leaders
  • Dependable
  • Responsible

Famous brunettes:

  • Abe Lincoln
  • Audrey Hepburn
  • Elizabeth Taylor
  • Winona Ryder
  • Johnnie Depp
  • Lyndon Johnson
  • Theodore Roosevelt
  • Robert Downey, Jr.
  • Michaelangelo
  • Claude Monet

Black hair

Black-haired men are more attractive to women. Black hair makes up the majority of hair color in the world at a whopping 70% rate. Women with black hair are seen as more feminine and attractive. Black-haired people are more interested in religion, spirituality, and poetry. They make good physiatrists, counselors, and therapists.

If you have black hair, you may have these personality characteristics.

  • Intelligent
  • Happy
  • Confident
  • Introspective
  • Melancholy
  • Self-centered
  • Good with finances
  • Logical
  • Serious

Famous people with black hair

  • Cher
  • Oprah Winfrey
  • Condoleezza Rice
  • William Shakespeare
  • Picasso
  • Hemingway
  • Barack Obama

hair color

Blonde hair

Although it can be challenging to know who is really blonde-haired, natural blonde color is rare. It’s found only in Europe and North America (at least in nature). Blondes are known to struggle with maintaining long relationships. Thus, blondes have a higher divorce rate. Others might perceive them as higher maintenance people. If you’re blonde, here are some characteristics you may have.

  • Carefree
  • Relaxed
  • Earthy
  • Bold
  • Youthful
  • Obedient
  • Love being the center of attention
  • Fun-loving
  • Feminine

Famous blondes

  • Gwyneth Paltrow
  • Harry Truman
  • Gerald Ford
  • Emma Stone
  • Jennifer Lawrence
  • Hillary Clinton
  • Marilyn Monroe

What About Trendy and Vibrant Hair Color Choices?

Today it’s common to dye your hair colors generally reserved for the rainbow. These colors show unique personality types and tendencies. Here are some popular fun hair colors and what they mean if you die your hair this color.

tibetan personality test

Purple hair

If you die your hair purple, you strive to be an individual. You may be the kind of person that thinks outside the box. Historically purple was seen as a royal color reserved for the wealthy aristocrats. You’re artistic, creative and may lend towards spiritual thinking. You may have a regal aura about you, which people notice, and they appreciate your creative flare.

White hair

White hair is unique. It’s seen as a trustworthy color. People feel safe in relationships with white-haired people. Dependable and careful. If you have white hair, you may be looking for perfections in their relationships. You have a simple air about you that’s heavenly and pure. You may also be self-sufficient.

Blue hair

If you like blue hair, you have a big heart. You’re empathic and peace-loving with confidence. You may be a tranquil, calm person. People who want blue hair are also out-going, open-minded, natural-born leaders, performers, and adventurous. Other characteristics may differ but include the following: conservative, emotional, open-minded, reliable, responsive, and idealistic.

Pink hair

If you like pink hair, you’re probably a warm, caring person. Pink hair is seen as a sign of empowerment. You like people hanging with friends. You’re also a trendsetter and love fashion. You’re not afraid to try new things.

The Least Favorite Hair Colors

Some hair colors aren’t as popular as others. It could be a dye job gone bad or a natural transformation of hair as you age.

Gray hair

Gray hair is trendy. However, it also associates with the aging process. If you dye your hair gray, be prepared to be treated as if you’re older. Gray hair is popular now, but in a few short years, the style will change.

Overly dyed blonde hair

Bleached blond hair looks unhealthy. It’s often straw-like in texture and hard to manage. If you have dyed your hair blonde a lot, you will need to do deep conditioning to prevent dried-out, unhealthy blonde hair.

Harsh, unnatural looking black hair

Sometimes you go for a nice black color but end up looking like you dipped your head in black paint. Be sure your skin coloring matches the black color you’re choosing. Try a softer black color at first, then gradually get darker over time.

Frost tipped hair

This color was popular in the 80s but fell out of favor–and remains unpopular today.

Too many colors

Hair that has an assortment of colors can look unattractive. Most people found them too complicated without any true sense of who the person was trying to be. The colors almost canceled each other out since there were so many. If you like lots of colors, try two or three that you like at one time.

Learn what your having brown eyes reveals about your personality, according to psychology.

Final Thoughts on What Your Hair Color Reveals About Your Personality

Hair color is a unique part of who you are. It sets you apart from others and may tell people a lot about your personality. Men and women are drawn to different hair colors in the opposite sex.

Women prefer black-haired men, and men prefer blondes or brown-haired women. Redheads are rare and are more sensitive to pain than other hair color types.

Of course, if you love rainbow colors for your hair color, you will have your own unique personality traits and individuality to display to the world.

Also, remember that there are hair colors that don’t look so great. Overly dyed or color-treated hair may look unhealthy like it caught fire and never recovered. If you dye your hair, be sure to use a good conditioner to keep your locks looking shiny and strong.

Your hair is your way to express your real self, enjoy your hair color. Whether you choose to go natural or dyed, let your hair show to the world you’re unique personality.

The post Researchers Explain What Your Hair Color Says About Your Personality appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.

Source –


Therapist Explains How to Grieve the Loss of Your Love Relationship


Breaking up with your partner is like a death. It’s almost impossible to move on as if nothing happened. You both have been uprooted out of the ground into a new chapter in life. It’s okay to feel a range of emotions as you go through the process. We have a few ways to grieve the loss of your love relationship.

You’ll Face Five Stages as You Grieve Your Lost Relationship

The Kübler-Ross model of grief, also known as “The Five Stages of Grief,” explains what happens to our minds during the five stages after we lose something or someone special.

These stages are anger, bargaining, denial, sadness, and acceptance. You don’t necessarily grieve in any specific order. Sometimes you experience a stage multiple times.

During the grieving process, you may deny the person is gone from your life. You might get angry wondering what you could have done differently. Or, you might bargain with a higher power to help them come back to you.

Once you realize this is not going to work, you might feel depressed. You start listening to sad songs and watching old home videos. Finally, you usually just accept this person is gone from your life. Sometimes we get stuck in denial thinking no one will ever love us again.

These stages have no time limit. It’s up to you when you decide to accept the loss and move on with your life. The truth is that you probably will fall in love again. You just have to give yourself time.

11 Ways to Take Care of Yourself as You Grieve for the Love You Lost

1 – Don’t Overthink

You may find yourself returning to the relationship a million times in your mind. You might start wondering where you went wrong. When we do this, we start to think we should go back. There’s a reason you broke up. No matter how many good times you had, there’s a reason underneath it all that the relationship is done. Don’t think about it all of the time. It’s time to hang out with yourself and move down the road. This doesn’t mean you won’t feel anything. You will still feel the stages of loss and you will grieve, but it means you don’t start playing the reel of your relationship in your head.

2 – Take Time To Detox

Many people deal with the loss of a love relationship by jumping into the next relationship. This doesn’t help you deal with any of the feelings left behind. The best thing you can do is have a period of detox. This means you take time to reflect and recharge your “love batteries.” You don’t need to date or pursue others at this time. You don’t need to go home with people from the bar. You need to focus on yourself. Before you get into a new relationship, you need to be 100% ready. You need to have a clear head on your shoulders. It’s only fair to you and the next person. If not, you will bring your drama into the next relationship.

3 – It Is Okay to Be Selfish While You Grieve

Love is often selfless. We put the other person above us. It’s time to be selfish once that relationship is over. Get out of bed when you feel like it. Go to the store without telling anyone. Stay out as late as you want. You get control of the remote watching whatever show you feel. You don’t have to answer to anyone. This is one of the only times in life when you get a pass to be selfish.

self care

4 – Lean On Others

It’s okay to feel sadness with your support system. Lean on those you love to get out your feelings and emotions. When you want to cry and grieve, call up your best friend. Get those emotions out. You might need to yell at someone about the anger you’re feeling.

When someone you love passes away, people flock to you in support. They know this is the same during this love loss. They know sometimes it’s important to just be there sitting by you as you vent.

A hug is sometimes the best therapy available.

5 – Do Things You Enjoy

After a loss, it’s always best to find your smile again. Do things you love. Your self-esteem and heart might be bashed. When you do things that you love, you will feel happiness again. You might even forget for a few minutes that you’re going through a tough time.

You’ll actually learn to fall in love with yourself when you do things you love. You get to feel happy and enjoy a smile again. Whether it’s reading a book, going to the movies, playing a game of tennis or singing along with your guitar, do something you love.

6 – Let Go Of Emotional Baggage

Breakups leave big, ugly scars. If you don’t tend to these scars, they just look even scarier. It’s important to not dwell on the negative emotional baggage. You must learn to feel the pain then move on with a positive outlook. You’re able to decrease your amount of suffering by finding the lining in the clouds.

When you can tell yourself that “maybe it didn’t work out for a reason,” you’ll be able to move forward. If you get stuck in the negative emotional baggage of the relationship, it’ll be tough to move forward. You might face depression. You’re going to feel sadness and grieve some days. You’ll get triggered by a couple holding hands.

The important thing is to think of the positives in your break up. Remember why you broke up. By doing so, you’ll help your mind prepare for the next step in life.

7 – Forgive Yourself

Grieving means having to forgive yourself. It’s hard to let go. You blame yourself for every little thing. You might think everything was all your fault when it takes two to tango. Look back and think about both of your actions.

Think of the reasons why it didn’t work out. Even if you did things wrong, you have to let go of the blame. You cannot move on until you forgive yourself and grow from the experience as a whole.

thinking about the past

8 – Don’t Shut The Door On Love

Many times people that get out of a relationship will say they’ll “never” date again. They swear off all relationships. You should never speak in absolutes.

It didn’t work out with your ex for a reason. This doesn’t mean love isn’t going to work in the future. You’re burned right now. You have to get through this tough time and leave love open in the future. If you lose faith, you could be missing out.

There is a right time for your love.

One day you might find them when you least expect it. Until then, you focus on yourself. Don’t turn your head to anyone that tries to set you up. One day you’ll realize you’re ready again. In the beginning, it’s natural to think of speaking in absolutes.

9 – Don’t Seek Revenge

When you’re grieving, you often feel anger. You just want to hurt the other person because you’re hurting. Don’t seek revenge. Being angry and seeking revenge will not solve anything. It will make you seem petty and immature. Don’t trash talk them to your friends and family. Just accept they are gone, and accept that you don’t need to do anything about it. There’s a reason they aren’t with you anymore. You don’t need to go out and hurt them to dig the dagger even deeper into both of your hearts.

10 – Comfort Yourself

Remember there is no time limit to grieving. In the beginning, you might find it hard to even get out of bed. Take it a second at a time. Eat that pint of ice cream if you feel. Watch that sappy movie. Let your friends come over while you cry into their lap. You don’t have to be okay.

One day you’re going to be able to get out of bed. And, of course, someday you’re going to smile again. Your life was thrown into a blender. It’s okay to feel that pain. Always remember it’s okay to grieve.

11 – See The Differences

One of the best things that happen once you get through the grieving, you’ll realize there is a difference between a breakup and a death. When someone dies, it’s final. When you break up with someone, you get both get through it alive. You get to rise above it. One day you might see them walking along the street, and you won’t cry.

You’ll realize one day that you’re able to move forward. This breakup was the demise of that particular love relationship, but it’s not the final stage of love for you. One day soon, you’ll embrace living life to its fullest once again.

grieveFinal Thoughts on Taking Time to Grieve a Lost Love Relationship

It’s important to take time to grieve after any loss. A breakup is a loss that turns your world upside down. Once you face the truth of this loss and think through it, you’ll be able to move on. It might feel like you’re dying inside, but you’re about to live in the next chapter. Take time for yourself, then turn the page to the next chapter in life.

The post Therapist Explains How to Grieve the Loss of Your Love Relationship appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.

Source –


10 Ways to Show People You’re Smart Without Saying Anything


Being smart in this world isn’t everything, but it sure helps.

For the sake of non-confusion, let’s define the word ‘smart’ for our reference. We’ll set the term as:

having enough mental and emotional aptitude to succeed in your life’s goals.

Some people equate smartness with a high I.Q., but there are plenty of people with an off-the-charts I.Q. who live a self-described miserly existence. Is this, then, a good, practical definition of “smart”? What’s the use of being highly intelligent if your life is chronically unhappy?

Say someone you know has a 150 I.Q., an exceptionally high score – almost genius level. Yet, they live their life in a state of self-perceived lack – of relationships, fulfillment, and meaning.

Is this smart? After all, shouldn’t someone this “smart” be able to figure out the source of the shortcomings of their lifestyle and make the necessary changes?

Therein lies the problem of equating intelligence with smarts.

Being smart involves a keenness for navigating life. Perhaps this is why Stephen Hawking, the late, great theoretical physicist, once remarked, “People who boast about their I.Q. are losers.”

In other words, to be considered ‘smart,’ there need to be present a certain degree of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence, or ‘E.I,’ is broken down into four categories: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management, and includes such factors as:

  • Knowing your emotional states
  • Managing your emotions
  • Motivating yourself
  • Recognizing and understanding other people’s emotions (empathy)
  • Managing relationships

A rather broad definition of smarts, but there you go.

In this article, we’re going to discuss why it’s beneficial to (subtly) display your smarts to others. We’re not talking about bragging or waving around your college diploma. We’re talking about small, everyday activities and behaviors that you are smart and capable.

Let’s get to it then!

10 Ways to Show People You’re Smart

“Be as smart as you can, but remember that it is always better to be wise than to be smart.” ~ Alan Alda, 6-time Emmy Award and Golden Globe Award winner

As you go through this list of ten things to do to show people you’re smart, you’ll no doubt read items that you think are basic common-sense. This shows awareness; another quality often left out of the intelligence “equation.” It’s also a critical aspect of smartness.

Without further ado, here are ten ways to show people that you’re smart!

1 – Always be on time

“A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life.” ~ Charles Darwin, founder of the Theory of Evolution

To be on time is to demonstrate your self-awareness and sense of responsibility. People who are chronically late are perceived as unreliable, untrustworthy, and undisciplined. None of these traits should ever be associated with a smart person.

People who achieve their goals are masters of their time. Take Charles Darwin as an example. By his own account, Charles Darwin didn’t possess any kind of extraordinary intellect. Something he did possess was mastery over his time.

It is said that Darwin would observe different animals for hours, ensuring that all of his work was done as meticulously as possible. The only way he could do this, of course, was to carefully allocate his waking hours for what he perceived to be his life’s most important tasks.

2 – Be a good listener

“It takes a great man to be a good listener.” ~ Calvin Coolidge, 30th President of the United States

Really quickly: Think of a couple of people in your life who are good listeners. People whose eyes remain fixated on yours while you speak. People who always seem to offer excellent and timely advice.

What characteristics do you associate with them?

The odds are that “smart” is up there.

The reason is simple: it’s challenging to be a good listener. To listen well requires the honing of attention and the trait of open-mindedness. It also involves restraint and the ability to control impulsive thoughts.

These qualities are the bedrock of active listening – the ability to remain receptive to the words of another and to offer a timely, relevant response.

socially intelligent people listen well

3 – Spend money wisely

“Don’t tell me where your priorities are. Show me where you spend your money, and I’ll tell you what they are.” ~ Dr. James W. Frick, former Vice President for the University of Notre Dame

Did you know that most countries with the highest personal savings rates (money left after taxes/bills/etc.) tend to have lower incomes?

In other words, saving money has nothing to do with money coming in or out. It has everything to do with prioritizing.

Smart people save and spend money wisely, period. They know that going to war with yourself over why there’s nothing left in the bank isn’t worth it.

Fortunately, this is a problem that’s quite easy to fix!

Come up with an accurate budget of your average monthly expenses and income. Don’t allow the former to exceed the latter. Yes, you may have to cut back or eliminate costs.

In a few months, you’ll have a bit of cushion!

4 – Get organized

“For every minute spent organizing, an hour is earned.” ~ Benjamin Franklin, American statesman, inventor, and philosopher

So many of us waste time and energy simply because we’re unorganized. A smart person doesn’t allow this to happen.

Simple things like putting your keys in the same place, automating your savings, spending a few minutes cleaning up your workspace – and so on – can save you time and make your life easier.

Start by identifying the most significant time and energy wasters in your life. What can you do to ease the burden?

5 – Be polite

“Please be polite. Nothing in life should erode the habit of saying thank you to people or praising them.” ~ Sir Richard Branson, Founder and CEO of the Virgin Group

Politeness displays that you have a sense of sophistication and selflessness. Doing things like holding the door open or helping an elderly adult with their groceries not only feels good but contributes to your self-esteem and self-worth.

Rudeness, on the other hand, sends the opposite message. Rude people are perceived as ignorant and social misfits – two words that are never applied to someone smart.

oversized ego

6 – Have a sense of style

“Fashion is the armor to survive the reality that is everyday life.” ~ Bill Cunningham, American fashion photographer for the New York Times

We don’t buy into the extreme materialism that has seemingly dug its hooks into the collective psyche of developed countries. This top isn’t about greed, adornment, or braggadocio.

It’s about presentability.

Appearance still matters in many ways, including how smart you appear to others. Take a pair of eyeglasses, for example. Do they not transform the wearer into a more studious form?

Bottom line: own a nice pair of slacks and some decent dress shoes. Patch, repair, or replace clothing as needed.

7 – Remember the details

“The difference between something good and something great is attention to detail.” ~ Charles R. Swindoll, Christian pastor, author, and educator

Details run our life. Those whom others perceive as smart pay close attention to those details. Failing to do so can result in adverse consequences, up to an including the catastrophic.

Getting better at paying attention to detail requires the honing of both selective and sustained attention. Selective attention is the ability to choose a specific stimulus out of many, while sustained attention involves holding the attention onto the stimulus (e.g., a task or target).

Attention is analogous to a muscle. Use it, and it becomes stronger, don’t, and it atrophies. Some useful exercises for strengthening focus include meditation (of course), reading, and physical activity.

8 – Take notes

Okay, so you may feel a bit embarrassed by taking notes at your next meeting. But you know what? It sure as heck conveys a positive message.

First and foremost, taking notes shows your commitment to excellence. Second, it shows that you’re willing to study to get better.

Being a smart person requires that you remember the essential things. Unfortunately, we tend to be somewhat biased in this regard, thinking that we’ll remember more than we actually will.

This is where taking notes can help a ton. It’s also an easy, subtle way to show off your smarts.

9 – Keep the right company

“Tell me with who you associate, and I will tell you who you are.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, German writer and statesman

Speaking of easy ways to appear smart (or not), there’s who you choose to call your friends. Fair or not, who you “hang out” with is seen as a reliable indicator of your judgment – and thus, smarts.

The choice to keep in good company isn’t an exclusionary or elitist ideal. We tell our kids all of the time to avoid the “wrong crowd,” after all. While we’re a bit less susceptible to corrosive influences as an adult, it’s still essential to associate with the right person; if for none other reason than to be seen as having good character and judgment.

10 – Take care of your body

“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.” ~ Jim Rohn, entrepreneur, author, and motivational speaker

While some people care for their body to boost their egos, we seek a more holistic reason.

The best one: well (or poorly) your body is taking care of will affect (positively or negatively) everything that you do. Energy levels, susceptibility to disease, and degree of mobility are all influenced – to a great extent – by how you care for the body.

With this in mind, try to get at least 30 to 45 minutes to light to moderate exercise every day.


Final Thoughts on Showing People How Smart You Are Without Bragging About It

Taking these actions puts your “smarts” on display. You won’t need to tell others how sharp-minded you are. Indeed, your behaviors will speak volumes about you.

The post 10 Ways to Show People You’re Smart Without Saying Anything appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.

Source –


How to Get Into a Flow State in Two Minutes


Do you struggle to get into a flow state and stay focused on one task at a time?

Most people live in a state of constant distractibility, their attention adrift. We’ve accepted this way of being as “normal” – a byproduct of the human brain.

Eh, yes and no!

There’s no doubt that the reptilian part of the brain – the brain stem, amygdala, and so forth produces most of the fight-or-flight responses and that these may interrupt attention. The epigenetic toll of living among wild beasts and aggressive neighbors did little to help.

While some automaticity of the brain and mind is indeed innate (“programmed,” if you will), we can train ourselves to become much less susceptible to its pull. The problem? Most people don’t know this fact. As a result, their life’s experience consists mainly of being on ‘autopilot’ – driven by impulse and whim.

Something even scarier: most people were on ‘autopilot’ before all of these distractions, gizmos, and gadgets became so ubiquitous.

Meet the Father of Modern Psychology, William James

William James, often referred to as the “Father of Modern Psychology,” was the first to write of attention in his masterwork, “The Principles of Psychology,” published in 1890.

Unsurprisingly, Mr. James had little good to say about the state of most people’s attentional faculties:

“[Humans] all know of this state (distraction) … even in its extreme degree. Most people fall several times a day into a fit of something like this: The eyes are fixed on a vacancy, the sounds of the world melt into confused unity, the attention is dispersed…”

In other words, blank stares, inability to listen, and scattered thoughts. Sound familiar?

Little has changed in 130 years. Fast-forward to present-day, and our attention is as “dispersed” as ever. Sit at a café and see how many people are staring blankly at their smartphone. Go to a restaurant and see how many children fail to get the notice of their parents.

It shouldn’t needn’t be this way. You can sharpen your attentional faculties – and become as “laser-focused” as you want to. So says the latest scientific research.

Excited? You should be! Mr. James would be thrilled, remarking in his book that education in attention would be “an education par excellence.”

Now, if dispersed attention is one end of the mental state spectrum, then ‘flow’ – a term coined by famed psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi – is its polar opposite.

We’re going to talk about the flow state – and how you can get into it in as little as a couple of minutes. We’ll use the latest and greatest in scientific research and a favorite brain hack to help get us there.

Let’s briefly discuss why attention is so crucial to our happiness.

First Thing’s First: Attention Determines Our Reality

“For the moment, what we attend to is reality.” ~ William James

Read the above quote a couple of more times, slowly.

Did you read it? Good. Try memorizing it – because it’s that important to your life.

James’ words aren’t mere platitudes or useless hyperbole. In just nine words, the father of modern psychology explains why attention is of critical importance. The people, places, things, emotions, mental activity – anything and everything – to which we attend shapes our reality. And the quality of our existence – how happy we are – depends a lot on how we direct and sustain our attention.

Buddhists and Hindu yogis have known the essentiality of attention for thousands of years. In fact, many would argue, cutting-edge attentional training isn’t to be found in tech or brain hacks, but in meditation practice.

So, why not just learn meditation? Well, you can (and should, coming from a meditation junkie…the benefits are enormous!) However, unlike the recommendations provided below, meditation takes a while to get down.

But I digress.

What we’re looking for is a more “Westernized” approach to honing the attention. Something fast, efficient, and accessible.

But what would fit such a bill?

Enter binaural beats.

The Science of Binaural Beats

“…Binaural beats appear to improve the related processes of memory and attention. The same meta-analysis that found significant effects on anxiety also reported medium-sized effects on different kinds of memory, both short- and long-term.” ~ Seth J. Gillihan, Ph.D. (Source)

Binaural beats work by exposing both ears to slightly different frequencies. The difference between these frequencies enters the brain as a pulse. For example, if the rhythm you hear in your left ear is 140 Hertz (Hz), while in the right ear, it’s 100 Hz, your brain will perceive a 40 Hz pulsation.

Your conscious mind won’t detect the difference, but your brain certainly will, and, as a result of the beat exposure, will “shift” how it is operating. How it shifts depends, among other things, on the beat’s frequency.

train brain stop worrying

Here’s a list of frequencies and their known cognitive correlations:

Brainwave Frequency Cognitive Effects
Delta 0.5-4 Hz Sleep, Comatose
Theta 4-8 Hz Deeply relaxed, inward focus
Alpha 8-12 Hz Very relaxed, passive attention
Beta 12-35 Hz Low-End: External attention, relaxation. High-end: Anxiety-dominant, active (potentially overactive)
Gamma 35-50 Hz High-level information processing, high focus


It must be reiterated at this point that properly produced binaural beats are scientifically sound (see this 2019 metanalysis, published in the journal Psychological Research for one of the latest examples.). Even the most skeptical studies document that binaural beats produce advertised brainwave frequencies.

(Sidenote on scientific criticism of binaural beats: The rub lies with mainstream science’s rejection of subjective “feeling states,” claiming that these are neither reproducible nor observable. Binaural beats are just one of the punching bags of materialistic scientists, joining such practices as meditation and mindfulness. Apparently, it doesn’t matter to some scientists that millions of people attest to the difference that these practices have made in their personal or professional lives. Oh, and the thousands upon thousands of scientifically rigorous studies that have been done on meditation and mindfulness.)

sixth sense
Here are ten ways to sharpen your sixth sense.

‘Flow’ and Binaural Beats

“In positive psychology, a flow state … is the mental state in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process or activity.” ~ Wikipedia (Source)

Provided that binaural beats induce a shift in the brain’s operation, and that flow is a brain state, it stands to reason that binaural beats can help to encourage flow.

A word about the task of choice. You can’t enter a flow state if the difficulty of the work exceeds your ability to perform it. You must choose an activity where there’s a balance between both variables. The task should be challenging enough to demand your full attention to the point that it pushes your capabilities but doesn’t exceed them. Easy jobs aren’t going to get you in a state of flow, either.

It’s also much easier to enter a state of flow if the task is, at worst, one that evokes neutral feelings. It’s much more challenging to enter a flow state if you hate the job. (Binaural beats will probably help you stomach the job, however!)

Here are the components for the flow experience for your reference:

The conditions of flow

The balance between challenge and skill
Clear goals and feedback

The subjective states of flow

Intense concentration
Merging of action and awareness
Loss of self-consciousness
Strong sense of control
Distortion of the temporal experience (“losing track of time”)
Experience of intrinsic reward (from the concentration itself)


Okay, so you’ve found the task to be completed. You’ve got your (stereo!) headphones and are eager to get in the flow. What now?

Now you’ve got to choose the right beat. Remember, binaural beats produce a pulsation in the brain of a specific frequency. We’ve got a beat that falls somewhere along the wavelength frequency experienced in the state of flow.

The Brain Waves of a Flow State

Research shows that flow states produce brainwaves between 12.5 and 15 Hz, also known as Sensorimotor Rhythms (SMR). SMR is associated with numerous beneficial conditions of mind and body, including:

– Physical and mental calm

– Non-impulsivity

– Heightened external awareness

– Increased energy levels

– Flow states

– Promotion of healthy sleep patterns

Clinicians who specialize in brainwave therapy, or neurofeedback, induce SMR levels to “assist with concentration, reading speed and energy levels as well as for help with epilepsy, ADHD, insomnia, depression, anxiety, stress, and autism.” (Source)

As the range of 12.5 to 15 Hz is borderline-Alpha, you may find that listening to a beat in the Alpha wavelength may help with more easily sustained attention and, ideally, flow. As everyone’s brain is different, it’s impossible to prescribe a narrow set of wavelengths that will work for everyone.

flow stateFinal Thoughts on Reaching Your Flow State

What’s the worst thing that can happen if you try to reach a flow state? Give binaural beats a shot! You’ve got nothing to lose and a whole lot to gain!

The post How to Get Into a Flow State in Two Minutes appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.

Source –