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10 Warning Signs You Met Your Partner At The Wrong Time

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It’s springtime, which brings a new zest for life and love as nature begins to awaken from the winter. Temperatures are warming, days are getting longer, and the sun is shining more often. This sets the perfect stage for people to start going out more often and possibly find a partner.

As we all know, however, not all of these romances last. Some only last a season. Often, they involved a good time and physical attraction. This may work for some people who don’t want to commit or deal with their feelings getting hurt. But what about partners that truly felt a connection and shared a lot of personal experiences and time together, yet it didn’t last?

In the occasions of seemingly close relationships that end, we tend to blame it on timing. It almost sounds like an excuse or a cliché as it has become so common. As cliché as it may sound, is there any science behind that reason? What may be 10 warning signs that you met your partner at the wrong time?

Science of Timing and Relationships

“People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.” – unknown

The study of timing and commitment was researched and written about in an article titled “Commitment Readiness and Relationship Formation” by Benjamin W. Hadden and Christopher R. Agnew of Purdue University and Kenneth Tan of Singapore Management University.

Their research was a study on commitment readiness, or timing, of currently single persons and how it shapes relationship formation. Their focus was to establish that if a person was interested in forming a close relationship, then they were willing to take actions toward that purpose, both in obtaining a relationship and keeping it. They determined that the timing of the relationship was based on their willingness to commit and readiness to establish a long-term relationship. This theory became known as RRT, or Relationship Receptivity Theory.

The researchers found that the level of commitment one feels to the person determines their readiness to enter a relationship.

They state that there are 3 components to the commitment process:

  1. Satisfaction with: Perception of benefits vs cost. For someone interested in a close relationship, they have determined a perceived benefit. For someone not ready for a relationship, they perceive the benefit as not desired.
  2. Quality of alternatives to: This refers to perceived quality of life if remaining single or if dating casually.
  3. Investment into the relationship: This refers to if one feels the material or immaterial things lost to gain a relationship is worthwhile, such as relinquishing personal time or money for the purpose of gaining or furthering a relationship.

What was their conclusion? Readiness, and therefore timing, matter not only in relation to the level of relationship formation but also in future dynamics of the relationship. Essentially, if one is ready for a relationship, the timing is right for them to look for a relationship; they will also be more committed to making it work.

Now that readiness, or timing, has been tentatively established as a factor toward one’s willingness to get into a relationship, what about the other half? Is your possible partner ready? How do you know if you’ve met your partner at a bad time?

Here are 10 signs you met your partner at the wrong time:

1. They just got out of a long relationship.

You just met this great person and you seem to be hitting it off. You ask if they are seeing anyone and they say, “No, me and my boyfriend/girlfriend broke up two weeks ago.” People who were in long relationships go through a certain mourning process as they mull over how they felt about the person, where it went wrong, what they lost by leaving the person, what they invested in the relationship, and so much more. The draining of emotions from processing this does not allow room for additional emotions to form a new relationship too soon.

2. You or your partner are adjusting to a major life change.

Major changes in one’s life can consist of changing careers, moving, starting school, changing schools, etc. It takes a lot of energy and effort to adjust to these changes, and most people tend to prioritize a major life event over a relationship, especially if they haven’t been with the person for long.

3. They’re building a career or business.

When a person is building their career or business, they are committed to that success. They often work long hours and focus on doing things which advance this forward. Some careers (and almost all self-employed businesses) require a lot of time, energy, focus, and commitment. It is mentally, emotionally, and physically draining. They don’t have the level of time and energy necessary to put toward a relationship and don’t see a relationship as worth sacrificing the career or business.

4. They carry a lot of past emotional baggage.

People can go through a lot of emotional things in their life that can leave deep scars. Sometimes, these things require years of therapy, dedication to self-improvement, and a lot of personal growth to heal. For that time period, they are only focused on building themselves to be the person they want to be before getting in a relationship. It may even be an issue of not feeling worthy or fear of repeating previous poor decisions.

5. Your energy levels don’t vibe.

A high-energy and a low-energy person see the world differently. The high-energy person thrives on new adventures, social gatherings, and physical activities. A low-energy person prefers quiet, shorter, and more intimate social interactions, and less risky or physically demanding activities. Just this difference alone leads to different interests, tolerances, and viewpoints on life.

6. Your core values differ.

Your values dictate how you see the world, people, relationships, work, and more. For example, compare one who sees people as tools and highly values money and appearances to someone who values family, community, hard work, and religion. They are going to have a very hard time agreeing on things and having respect towards each other. This difference will cause each person to want to change the other, which only breeds dissatisfaction and unhappiness.

7. You have a large age gap.

A 20 year old has not really experienced as much in the world and tends to feel less responsibility about consequences of their actions. On the other hand, a 35-year-old has lived long enough to possibly experience the pain of divorce, passing of their parents, job loss, and more. The level of support and empathy one could give to the other is limited based on lack of experience and maturity.

8. You come from different backgrounds.

People from different countries or even different areas of the same country have differing beliefs and culture. What may be acceptable behavior in one country is seen as inappropriate in another. One country or area may view that it is the man’s responsibility to financially provide for his partner, while another area views that each are equal partners and, therefore, share equal responsibility. Just one or two differences may not be a big deal, yet a number of them can create misunderstanding and arguments continuously. A big breach can form in how each partner believes the other should behave and be treated.

9. Your future goals don’t line up.

Everyone has expectations for the direction they want their life to go and the type of partner they want to share it with. A person who wants to travel the world is going to have difficulty finding a middle ground to support a person who prefers the security of one location, for example.

10. You have different socioeconomic classes.

Differing social and economic classes have different expectations of those within that circle. A wealthier person may expect a partner to have certain formal or social graces, know how to make small talk, present their appearance accordingly, and have similar values. Someone of middle social and economic class may expend more moderate spending on appearances; they might value hard work and family, be more casual when speaking with people, and lack familiarity with formal entertaining. This difference can lead to stressful and uncomfortable situations where finding a compromise is very difficult.

Final Thoughts

People and life events change all the time and we all are on our own journey. We can connect with people who we find attractive and charming, yet the timing is not right. However, many people can overlook some of these factors and make the decision to stay with the person. Everyone places weight on different things in relationships, so you have to ultimately make the decision to stay or leave the person based on your own preferences.

Keep in mind that no two people or relationships are perfect. If you both love each other and are willing to work every day on the relationship, it just might work out.

The post 10 Warning Signs You Met Your Partner At The Wrong Time appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

Money Saving Tips : How To Save Money On A Tight Budget

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Saving money while on a budget can be hard at times. With cash stretched thin as it is, finding a little extra cash to put aside for later use might have never crossed your mind.

To help you with your saving quest, we’ve put together some of the best money saving tips we’ve heard!

By following these money saving tips even on the tightest of budgets, it is still possible to put aside a meaningful amount of dough in case of emergency.

Continue on for our top money saving tips:

1. Take advantage of Customer Reward’s Programs

Sign up for every free reward program that retailers in your area have on offer. It’s recommended that you create a new email address specifically for this to avoid your main email inbox getting filled up with advertisements, and also, so all your deals end up in one convenient place.

2. Make your gifts instead of buying them

The next time you find yourself looking for a gift to buy for someone’s birthday or for the next holiday, consider making it yourself instead of just buying something from the store. Crafting a gift by hand shows the recipient that you really care about them, and offers you a great chance to save some cash! Taking up crafting can also become a fun new hobby, so extra bonus points for that!

3. Seek out a better banking establishment

If you are being charged a monthly or yearly fee by your bank in order for them to hold your assets, consider shopping around for a better bank that offers more incentives to stick with them. Most banks nowadays are offering zero fee accounts and also quite frequently will offer bonus cash just for opening an account!

4. Sell your unwanted collections

If you’re one of those people who fall for the latest fad collectibles and goes all in, consider selling off the old collections that no longer interest you! More times than not, the things people buy with the thought that they’ll appreciate in value with age end up floundering, and all that cash was spent for nought. Sell off your collections sooner rather than later; you’ll likely be glad you did in the long run!

5. Try mending your own clothing

The next time you find yourself with a torn or ripped article of clothing, instead of just tossing it in the bin and replacing it, opt for sewing it up and repairing it yourself! With a little practice, basic clothing repair is a very easy and rewarding hobby to take up when you consider the money you’ll be saving by not having to replace everything!

6. Cook Casseroles in Bulk

When cooking up a nice casserole for your family, next time try tripling or even quadrupling the recipe! For only a small bit of added effort, you can make large amounts of food to freeze and store for quick meal options. By cooking your meals in bulk in this fashion, buying your groceries in bulk becomes much more feasible, which offers up even more cash-saving opportunities!

7. Clean Out Your Closets

Consider this money saving tip: Dig through all of your closets and get rid of everything you no longer wear. Don’t just trash it though; consider selling it on Craigslist or eBay, having a yard sale, or even donating it for a tax deduction.

Selling your old, unused clothing is a great way to make a little extra cash while also getting rid of unwanted clutter!

8. Avoid convenience stores and fast food while traveling

The next time you find yourself out on the road and hunger pangs kick in, opt for a healthy snack such as trail mix or nuts instead of stopping at the nearest fast food establishment or convenience store for sustenance.

9. Quit that smoking habit

If you’re one of the millions of people that took up the unfortunate habit of smoking, consider quitting! Smoking cigarettes are not only unhealthy, but the price of a pack really adds up after a while. Quitting smoking is one of the most impactful things you can do to improve your health and your wallet!

8. Drink lots of water

Some money saving tips don’t seem so obvious at first: Switch out your expensive soda drinking habit for a healthy water drinking habit! By drinking water, you’ll benefit from the copious health benefits attained through adequate hydration while also saving loads of cash by not having to purchase all those drinks! By drinking water more frequently, you’ll find yourself feeling more satisfied when eating and will not become hungry again so quickly. This all adds up to water being a great choice!

9. Change out your lights with energy efficient LED or CFL bulbs

CFL and LED light bulbs offer up much-improved energy efficiency compared to older light bulbs, and if you haven’t already, it might be the time to consider switching! They’re a bit of an investment up front compared to older bulbs, but you really do get what you pay for; LED and CFL bulbs have vastly improved lifetimes and end up costing a lot less to run.

10. Cancel your old club memberships

If you signed up for a gym membership or country club at one point but found it wasn’t for you or lost interest, then now is the time to cancel! By not taking advantage of the services offered by these clubs, you are only wasting your money. If you cancel and decide later on that you do want to give them another shot, you’ll likely be able to sign back up without any problems.

11. Give used items a shot

Try purchasing used items from time to time instead of always opting for brand new. By looking around thrift stores and the like, you can quite frequently find items you’ve had your heart set on for much lower prices than if you had purchased them new. A lot of the times, these items will be in almost new condition, and some clothing may still even have the tags attached!

12. Clean or change your auto’s air filter

If you don’t already regularly clean or replace your car or truck’s air filter, consider taking up the habit as a part of your car’s regular upkeep. For as meager a price as $10, you can improve your car’s mileage by more than 7%, which can add up to over $100 in savings a year! Who can argue with that?

13. Cancel old, unwanted magazine subscriptions

If you have a growing mound of unread magazines somewhere, then now is the time to go through them and cancel your old subscriptions. These magazines are likely costing you some hard-earned cash that you probably have better uses for.

14. Don’t waste your leftovers

If you do a lot of cooking at home but don’t make use of your leftovers, it’s time for a change! Leftovers are a great chance to have a meal ready later in the week, quickly and cheaply. With a little kitchen wizardry, you can even add to them a bit or re-purpose them into something new entirely!

15. Don’t ignore weekly fliers

The weekly fliers sent out by most grocery stores offer up great opportunities to save a load of cash every month while perhaps introducing you to new ingredients you might not have considered otherwise! Next time you are thinking about taking a trip to the store, skim the flier and try to build your shopping list around what’s on sale. You’ll find you can save a good amount by making this a habit!

16. Compare your grocery store’s prices to competitors

Pay attention to what you are paying currently for regular items the next time you go shopping, and then, consider trying an alternative store later on to see if you really are getting the best deal. You may find you’re overpaying by a considerable amount, and switching to a new grocery store may be to your benefit!

17. Keep your hands clean

Washing your hands after using the restroom is an amazing way to avoid getting sick. Not getting sick so frequently is a great way to save, as you’ll be less likely to miss work and won’t have medical bills to worry about!

18. Prepare and bring your own lunch

Consider preparing and bringing your own lunch to school or work from now on. Going out to eat every day adds up fast, and it’s unlikely you’re eating very nutritiously by doing so! By preparing your meals at home, you’ll likely end up saving quite a bit and may also end up losing a few pounds as an added bonus!

19. Try repairing things yourself

There are so many great resources available to us on the internet nowadays that not giving DIY repair a shot when your stuff breaks is a real missed opportunity. With a little research and patience, you may find that you can fix a lot of things you thought were beyond repair, and, you’ll likely save a lot of dough in the long run by not having to take your items in for repair.

24. Try the generic or store brand

Instead of instinctively opting for the name brand on common everyday items, give the generic or store brands a go the next time you’re out shopping. You’ll find that, most of the time, these items are just as good as the name brand, and a lot of the time, they’re actually identical, save for the packaging and marketing materials!

25. Prepare home-cooked meals

If you happen to be one of the millions of people who regularly eat out instead of preparing and eating meals at home, consider changing things up and eating at home more frequently! Cooking and eating your own food at home offers up a real cost-saving opportunity, and you’ll likely end up eating more nutritiously to boot. This is not only one of the best money-saving tips, but life tips as well!

Even on a tight budget, cutting down on costs can be easy simply by following some of these great money saving tips. Consider slowly adopting just a few of these money saving tips, and, over time, your savings will grow!

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

The post Money Saving Tips : How To Save Money On A Tight Budget appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

10 Uncomfortable Things That Happen When You’re Becoming Your True Self

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It is said that “With age, comes wisdom.” What is that wisdom, and at what cost? More importantly, how old does one have to be to obtain such wisdom? Finally, what does wisdom have to do with becoming your true self?

According to Merriam-Webster, wisdom is defined as:

a: ability to discern inner qualities and relationships – i.e. insight

b: good sense – i.e. judgment

c: generally accepted belief

d: accumulated philosophical or scientific learning – i.e. knowledge

In looking at this definition, it appears wisdom is also synonymous with becoming your true self. As you become your true self, you gain the ability to discern inner qualities and good relationships, act with good sense towards others and yourself, as well as use sound judgment. Because you’ve accumulated a lot of knowledge, you can use this in your daily life.

The road to becoming your true self is not an easy one. There are plenty of mistakes, pain, and triumphs in your life. At some point, you realize you are tired of trying to be what everyone demands of you. You are more than the roles you’ve had to play, and you’ve decided enough is enough! Once you’ve made the decision to be your true self, you realize you need to find out who that is.

Meaning of being your true or authentic self

At the beginning of our lives, we learned what we could do to get attention, approval, and emotional feedback. These were our first steps in figuring out how to act to achieve this reward from our family and friends. During our teenage years, we started to learn how to best act to show our femininity or masculinity, as well as our sexuality. As we became older, we also had to contend with expectations in a professional role, and possibly a parental role and/or a spousal role.

By the time we have enough space and time in our lives to recognize we are someone we don’t even recognize, close to 40 years has probably passed. At this point, we aren’t even sure what it means to be our true selves.

Being our authentic selves means we are owning our reality, facing our fears, and accepting and loving our imperfections without excuses. We choose to pursue our truth and wholeness to find happiness instead of just seeking immediate gratification and acceptance.

Signs of not being our authentic selves

After decades of developing habits and mindsets regarding how to “be,” it can be difficult to recognize where you are not being true to you. Some of the signs are:

  1. You justify your decisions.

For example, you told everyone you were going to start working out at the gym at 5:00 a.m. four days a week. Yet, every morning, you fail to get up on time. Rather than honestly stating, “Quality sleep is more important to me. I need to find a better time to go to the gym,” you give excuses: “My alarm clock didn’t go off,” “I had to work really late the night before so I overslept,” or, “I had a headache.” Take responsibility for your choices and be honest; this is wisdom.

  1. You hide from difficult emotions.

Oftentimes, emotional outbursts aren’t really out of anger. You are actually feeling pain, guilt, or maybe fear. If you find yourself acting out in anger when you are feeling something else, then you are hiding from yourself. You need to acknowledge the real emotions and deal with them.

  1. You put others before yourself.

Being selfish has a very negative connotation in our society. We tend to raise up people who sacrifice for others. The reality is there needs to be a balance. You are as important as everyone else and you need to treat yourself as such. You cannot please everyone; trying to will only result in a complete loss of yourself.

  1. You judge others.

It is so much easier to judge others from a distance than it is to look more closely (and possibly feel the need to get involved). Judgment gives an instant boost of your ego that you are better than someone else. The fact is, if you are constantly judging others, then you need to look deeply at yourself.

  1. You seek attention and gratification from others.

There are so many little ways in which a person can seek attention and approval. A comment here, a “like” here, or a post that requires others to react are all ways on social media we are seeking validation or attention.

Going out of our way to do something for someone at a cost to ourselves, performing well above necessary, or seeking help for something you could look up or do for yourself are all more ways to draw attention toward ourselves. If you find yourself doing this a lot, then you are trying to fill a need that you are choosing to be blind to. You aren’t happy with yourself and are seeking others to make you feel happy about yourself.

10 uncomfortable things that happen when you find your true self

Becoming our true self is hard work. It requires brutal honesty and stripping away the image you’ve spent decades creating. You’ve become so good at creating that image that you almost believe it yourself. Yet you find yourself unhappy, frustrated, putting off doing things you should, and coming up with excuses for not doing certain things. At some point, you realize you are what needs to change. When that journey starts, there are 10 uncomfortable things that will happen on your way to find your true self.

  1. You feel lost.

As stated above, you’ve spent decades creating this person you’ve become. Now you need to ask yourself questions you haven’t asked in a long time: “What are my dreams?” “What hobbies would I like to do?” “Why am I so angry?” “How did I grow so distant from my family?” “Why does going to work make me feel empty?”

  1. You feel angry at people and life.

You start to see things differently. Perhaps you don’t have tolerance or patience for certain behaviors from others that you used to have. You see it as a waste of your time and energy. You question things that used to be viewed as “norms” in your life. No longer do you feel obligated to do the things that you have built a pattern of doing. Someone else can do the laundry, cook dinner, pick up the kids, clean the house, do yard work, etc.

  1. You see going to the same social gatherings as a waste of your time.

Suddenly the gatherings you used to go to with friends or co-workers just aren’t worth the effort. You’d rather stay at home and read a book, practice a new hobby, go for a walk, or spend quality time with a close friend. You prefer doing things that help you discover more about yourself.

  1. It’s difficult to find that tactful honesty.

You want to express your real opinions and not hold back but you still understand that it’s not always appropriate.

  1. Your friends become fewer.

You start to look at your friends differently. You may see how one only uses you for their convenience, how another never listens to you, and how another just wants to go out and party all the time. No longer do you want people in your life who aren’t honest, sincere, and genuine.

  1. You want to know for yourself.

No longer do you just accept any answer. You want to truly understand it from your perspective. Thus you seek more knowledge and insight.

  1. You have to face your emotions.

Suddenly old hurts and betrayals that you thought you had dealt with come to the surface. You are surprised by the strength of the emotions. On the flip side, things which used to raise high emotions, suddenly have no effect on you. It’s as if you just don’t care anymore.

  1. You create your own book to live by.

No matter how long you have been doing them, you no longer wish to do things as you are “supposed to.” You feel more willing to take risks, do things more creatively, or do things differently than you have for years.

  1. You have to acknowledge and forgive your mistakes.

We all make mistakes. We have all hurt people we love or made choices which negatively impacted others or ourselves. Coming to terms with the fact that you are not perfect and never will be and it’s your imperfections that make you who you are is a giant step toward becoming your true self.

  1. Letting go of habits that make you feel safe.

Throughout our lives, we have created habits or mindsets to help us feel safe and comfortable. That is the function of our brain. Many of those habits may have been created in our childhood or young adulthood. Their purpose has long been gone, but we still do them, and unfortunately, they may be keeping us from growing.

Final Thoughts

Finally feeling that freedom to spread your wings and be your true self is both invigorating and terrifying. The journey is so worth it, but you will likely encounter these 10 uncomfortable things that happen on your way to becoming your true self. Knowing this in advance can be a source of strength that you are on your way. Be proud of yourself for taking the steps!

The post 10 Uncomfortable Things That Happen When You’re Becoming Your True Self appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

Divorced Man Explains 20 Pieces of Marriage Advice to Never Ignore

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Gerald Rogers is a courageous and humble man. How do I know this? Because very few people could’ve done what he did – talk about his marriage and divorce so candidly – and for the benefit of so many. I’ll let the man himself tell you:

“Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different … After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had…”

A couple of things to take away from Rogers’ introduction. First, his divorce was settled the week that he wrote the article, “Marriage Advice I Wish I Would Have Had.” Second, genuine humility is required to admit personal shortcomings contributing to the end of a marriage – and to do so in such a public manner.

This article focuses on the 20 pieces of marriage advice Rogers gives. The article was so successful that Rogers ended up writing the 2014 book called Marriage Advice I Wish I Would’ve Had: What Divorce Taught Me about Love and Life.

Before getting into the marriage advice, here’s a short section about Gerald Rogers.

Who is Gerald Rogers?

“What?! I can control my world? I can control my results? It lit my soul up…” – Gerald Rogers, upon listening to Earl Nightingale (source)

In his own words, Rogers is a “breakthrough mentor” who aims to transform those who seek transformation. (Yes, that’s it.) Rogers uses phrases like “conscious creators,” “divine power,” “soul purpose,” and “live big.” From his public talks, it is apparent that he is an unabashed proponent of manifestation. Rogers makes a living as a life coach, author, mentor, and guest speaker.

To listen to Gerald Rogers talk is to hear a charismatic and obviously intelligent person. He doesn’t bring the over-the-top energy like Tony Robbins or the smooth tongue of a Les Brown, but his subtle approach connects with people who dig that kind of intellectual, softer, “professor-like” demeanor. (Personally, this writer found Roger’s style warm and genuine.)

He attributes much of his success and direction in love to Earl Nightingale’s The Strangest Secret, a 1957 personal-success and self-help book that sold over one million copies. The book is credited with helping to “launch [the] fields of business of motivation and audio publishing.”

Now that you know who Gerald Rogers is, let us get to the heart of the article.

20 Pieces of Marriage Advice to Never Ignore

#1 – “Never Stop Courting”

The gist here is that she chose you. There’s a tendency for both men and women to take one another for granted once the knot is tied – kind of like a subliminal, “Well, she’s mine, and I’m hers.” Make sure to step back and appreciate just how much trust is involved. Don’t get lazy in your love or devotion.

#2 – “Protect Your Own Heart”

Protecting your own heart is about not leaving room for someone else to come and reside there. Be vigilant about who you allow into your life, particularly those of the opposite sex.

#3 – “Fall In Love Over and Over Again”

It’s so easy to allow love to stagnate. Being comfortable with each other’s presence is one thing; living as if you’re dorm buddies at college is another. Actively keep your attention on your loved one. Doing so will cause you to fall in love over and over again.

#4 – “Always See the Best in Her”

What you focus on expands, so focus on what you love about each other. If you focus only on those things that are annoying or frustrating, you’ll have a marriage filled with tension and unease. Have you ever had someone mention just how wonderful your spouse is and why? Concentrate on those things.

#5 – “It’s Not Your Job to Change or Fix Her”

Pretty straightforward here, isn’t it? Indeed, it isn’t your duty to fix what’s wrong with your spouse. Support them? Yes. Point the way? Yes. But they must be an adult and initiate the change required.

#6 – “Take Full Accountability”

Be responsible for your own emotions. It’s not your spouse’s job to act as an emotional circus clown in some vain attempt to make you happy. If you have personal issues that are impeding your marriage, fix them. Ask your spouse for help.

#7 – “Never Blame Your Wife If You…

Notice the “you” in that sentence. Why are you shifting blame for something that you did? Yes, this includes getting angry or upset at her for something that you did or did not do. Get yourself under control and get back to your wife when you’re in the right state of mind.

#8 – “Allow Your Woman to Just Be…”

Again, this one is about not trying to “fix” her (or your) emotions. Be there. Be present. Hold each other. Tell her things will be okay. Be the rock.

#9 – “Be Silly…”

Yes, be silly. Act like a damned goofball. Have you ever stepped back and observed someone that you know who takes life too seriously? Do you want to be that person?

#10 – “Fill Her Soul Every Day”

Know what makes her feel loved and do those things. What makes her feel important? Validated? Make a mental note of those things and commit it to memory. Execute.

#11 – “Be Present”

Few things are more pitiful than the man or woman unable to be present with their loved ones. The perfect archetype is the workaholic husband too wrapped up in their inner world to share themselves with their family. Don’t be that person. Put your attention on there here and now – and on your spouse and family.

#12 – “Love Strong”

The title says it all, doesn’t it? It means exactly as it says. You’re the man. You’re physically stronger and more aggressive. There are times to leverage these differences, and romance is one of them.

#13 – “Don’t Be An Idiot”

Message, received. This one isn’t about never making mistakes. It’s about taking ownership of your screwups instead of compounding them. Act with common sense; own your mistakes.

#14 – “Give Her Space”

Personal space – while more limited during marriage than singlehood – is nonetheless important for relationship happiness. Give each other the space they need. If you have children together, it’s even more critical that you grace her with the magic words, “Take some time for yourself, honey.”

#15 – “Be Vulnerable”

A marriage covenant includes the sharing of thoughts and feelings, whether or not you like them. Fear, insecurity, sadness, regret, all of these and more should be out in the open and up for discussion with few exceptions.

#16 – “Be Fully Transparent”

One of the biggest mistakes made when getting married is failing to disclose parts of their lives that will affect the other person. This lack of accountability and transparency may carry far into the relationship and, depending on the degree and nature of the offense, may lead to a culture of mistrust. Have the courage to be fully transparent – and then allow him or her to make the call.

#17 – “Never Stop Growing Together”

Just as a person must continue seeking growth to reach their full potential, they must do the same in a marriage. But this time, the growth must be shared and reciprocated. Have dreams and goals – and resolve to work on them together.

#18 – “Don’t Worry About Money”

This is an awesome quote: “Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.”

#19 – “Forgive Immediately”

Let your focus be on the present and future, but never on the past. Forgiveness is a powerful antidote to emotional pain and something that must be a priority in marriage. If you can’t forgive right away, take the time that you need to heal and revisit the issue at a later time. Just remember: forgiveness is freedom.

#20 – “Always Choose Love”

Have you ever just sat back and observed just how emotional we humans are? Not only are we emotional, but we can be incredibly short-sighted in the midst of emotions, especially negative ones. In the throes of an emotional whirlwind, it is a tremendous blessing to bear in mind the potent nature of love. Love can overcome anger, irritation, hurt, jealousy, lust, malice, pettiness, and even hate.

Be unceasing in your love for each other. May you have an extraordinarily blessed and loving marriage.

The post Divorced Man Explains 20 Pieces of Marriage Advice to Never Ignore appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

10 Questions to Ask Your Partner To Test Their Loyalty

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Being a part of a relationship can be scary. You may not be entirely sure what your partner’s plans are or how much loyalty they have, especially if you haven’t been together for a very long time. You may be worried that, while you’re in it for the long run, your significant other isn’t – or just hasn’t decided yet.

Many people resort to unsavory “tests” of loyalty to find out the truth. But playing mind games and executing trick scenarios and situations is the opposite of what we’re advocating for. Those types of tricks are unhealthy and only create more reasons to lose someone’s loyalty.

So what should you do instead? Having honest, open conversations and discussions with your partner is the way to go. But it can be difficult to figure out where to start, and how to go about it. To help you out, here are some questions to ask your partner to test their loyalty.

10 Questions To Ask Your Partner To Test Their Loyalty

1. What’s your definition of loyalty?

Most people assume that everyone thinks of loyalty the same way. The truth is that people have different ideas of what loyalty really, truly is. For some people, it’s a very strict thing, and for others, it involves very little. Whichever side you fall on, or wherever you stand in between, you shouldn’t fall into the trap of assuming your partner feels the same way.

It’s important for those in a relationship to be on the same page. Discuss what loyalty means to each of you, what you both define as cheating, and essentially what commitment is defined as by you and your partner. This is according to mental health counselor and therapist Deanna Fernandez.

Knowing how your partner defines loyalty helps to prevent arguments in the future, as you both know what you’re getting into. It’s also a great way to ensure that your partner is someone who values and appreciates loyalty.

2. What are your current priorities?

This is a question best asked outside the context of your relationship, so bring it up in casual conversation – not when you’re already discussing your relationship. This is because you may not get the most accurate answer when you’re already talking about your romance and emotions are focused on that.

Karol Ward, a licensed psychologist and licensed clinical social worker, suggests that you pay close attention to whether your partner talks about long-term, committed relationships as part of their priorities. If not, they may not be ready to commit to a serious partnership.

  • It’s also a good way to make sure you’re both at the same point in your life.
  • If you’re focused on work and they are, too, it all works out.
  • But if you or they are ready to settle down and put the other person first, yet this is unrequited, it’s time to take a step back.

3. Where do you think this relationship is headed, or where do you want it to go?

One of the easiest ways to know how loyal or committed your partner is to you is just to ask them directly. Ask them where they currently see the relationship going. If they’re not sure, ask them where they personally would like it to go.

The reason a lot of people wind up being “led on” by their partners is purely due to a lack of positive communication, says Dr. Connie Omari, licensed professional counselor, clinician, and nationally certified counselor. Without good communication, you cannot know for sure that your partner is loyal to you; chances are, they might not even know that you expect that of them!

Does your partner not have a clear answer?

  • Open the floor for discussion.
  • Talk about the future of your relationship and see if you both have similar desires.
  • It’s good to get it all out there.
  • If your partner gets angry or doesn’t want to talk about it, there’s a good chance commitment isn’t on their mind.

4. What are your thoughts on long-term versus short-term relationships?

Not everyone is a believer in “happily ever after.” For some, it’s all about dating the right person for them at the right time, and moving on when that time is over. Some people also just can’t be happy in one relationship for long stretches of time. That’s all okay, as long as you both know about it!

Frame the question casually, not aggressively, and ask in a hypothetical way. Does your partner prefer long-term relationships, or would they rather keep their options and open and move on with the seasons? Are they serial monogamists, or do they refuse to be tied down?

This will also give you some insight into your significant other’s ideas on loyalty and commitment, and it can prepare you for what lies ahead. Plus, you’ll know whether they’re likely to stick around in times of trouble, which links us to our next point.

5. How can we deal with an upcoming challenge?

All relationships go through rough patches, and you need to be ready to handle them with your partner. If you foresee a challenge up ahead, have a serious discussion with your partner about how you are going to handle it. Don’t have any imminent challenges? Pose a hypothetical one that is likely to occur in a long-term relationship.

Licensed clinical social worker of psychotherapy Erin K. Tierno states that partners have to be willing to have discussions about these incidents. If they don’t want to talk about it, it’s not a good sign for your longevity – or for their commitment levels.

In difficult times, couples have to be able to acknowledge issues, discuss problems, keep positive thinking going, and listen to their significant other. So if they’re not willing to do that now, they likely have one foot already out the door.

6. What do you think is the most important aspect of a long-term relationship?

Committed partners know exactly what they want in a long-term relationship, or at least, they know what matters in them. If your significant other has absolutely no idea what they believe to be important in long-term partnerships, it’s likely because they aren’t considering one.

Sometimes, a partner may not have thought about that yet. If this is the case, be prepared for them to be less committed – especially if they never seem to get around to doing any positive thinking about it.

7. How long do you think you should wait before committing to someone?

This is a fairly straightforward question. Your partner will tell you how long it takes before they believe it’s safe to feel like they’re with the right person and commit to them. All you have to do now is compare how long you’ve been with them and see if you fit the bill.

  • Even if you’re still a new couple, it’s a good question to ask because it gives you an idea of how they feel about loyalty.
  • Does it take them a few months to commit? You have a good chance.
  • Does it take them a few years? Consider whether you’re really willing to wait for that.

8. Do you think one of us is more invested in our relationship?

In an ideal relationship, both partners are equally invested in each other. It can, however, take a while to reach that point for new couples. So, ask your partner who they think is more invested, and the answer will tell you a lot.

Do they think you’re more invested? Ask if that’s something they plan to change. Do they think they’re more invested, or that you’re both equal in that area? See if what they do actually match up with what they say.

If you find yourself canceling your own plans, working around their schedule, and putting in the extra effort while they can’t do the same for you, they’re not as invested as you are. This isn’t always a bad thing if you’ve just started dating, but if things don’t even out, it’s going to be painful down the line.

9. Would you like to come to dinner with my family/friends?

CAP-accredited licensed mental health counselor Erin Parisi states that someone who is not serious or committed to the relationship is not going to show any interest in meeting your friends or family. So if you want to know if your partner is positive about being with you, ask them to meet your loved ones!

This is because it involves extra effort, can be awkward, and can even be a hassle or a difficult thing to go through. Why would they bother if they’re not in it for the long run? Of course, don’t expect a partner to want to meet your family or your friends immediately upon beginning a relationship. But if you’ve been dating for a long while and they still don’t want anything to do with your loved ones, it’s a red flag.

  • You can also ask this the other way around if you like.
  • Ask them if you can meet their friends or family.
  • If they quickly say no, they may not see you being in their life for long.

10. Where do you see yourself in five years?

Okay, so this question is straight out of a job interview, but it’s an important one. What does your partner think they’ll be doing in five years? Still dating you? Chasing a big dream around the world where you can’t follow? Anywhere involving you? Anywhere without you?

It’s simple. If your partner sees you in their life in five years, they’re in it for the long run. If you don’t factor into their otherwise decently conceived future plans, it’s because they don’t plan to have you there.

Final Thoughts On Questions To Ask Your Partner To Test Their Loyalty

Relationships are hard. That’s why communication is so crucial and important to a healthy, happy one. If you’re not making sure that you and your partner are on the same page with loyalty and commitment, you could be setting yourself up for failure.

These 10 questions to ask your partner to test their loyalty are great because they start up a discussion and urge the beginning of an in-depth conversation. You’ll come out after each one knowing a little bit more about your significant other and feeling like you can trust them more than ever before – and isn’t that the whole point?

The post 10 Questions to Ask Your Partner To Test Their Loyalty appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Business

Remove, Reduce, Inform:That’s Facebook’s Strategy to Make it’s Content Controversy Free

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Facebook has a made a few recent changes in its policies and has a new approach towards new content and fake news that is spreading through social media.

They have been working with the Reduce, Remove and Inform strategy.

Through their remove policy they are removing people who are violating their policies, through their reduce policy they are removing disturbing and policy breaking content and through their Inform strategy they are helping people better understand what they are clicking, reading or sharing.

Facebook has always been active in removing content that does not work well with its policies.

However, recently, after the large amount of fake news that has been spreading through social media and particularly the facebook family, the VP of integrity at Facebook, Guy Rosen and the Head of News Feed Integrity, Tessa Lyons held a press conference to discuss the social media outlets new policies.

Remove:

Through their remove policy they have started a new platform where people can check the latest updates for the rules and regulations for the people and content of the Facebook community.

Similarly, they have also created an enforcement policy for Facebook groups and have released a new feature to keep Facebook group high quality.

Reduce:

Through their reduce policy they have started removing more fake news from Facebook using outside experts.

Moreover, they are also having the associative press review content on facebook as third party fact checkers and they are reducing the reach of Facebook groups who are known to spread false news.

Inform:

Finally in order to better inform people, they are expanding the news feed content so that it may include images.

Moreover, their English and Spanish news has a trust signal now that will indicate how trustworthy the news they are viewing is.

They have also launched a brand new forward indicator button on messenger that allows the user to stop toxic and fake content from spreading to the community.

What does this mean for the Facebook Community?

This new and active policy implemented by Facebook is a step forward towards a controversy free Facebook family.

The post Remove, Reduce, Inform:That’s Facebook’s Strategy to Make it’s Content Controversy Free appeared first on Born Realist.


Source – bornrealist.com

Lifestyle

Reasons for Installing Spy Cameras At Home

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Spy cameras have become common in many public places and homes. They are used in groceries, malls, pharmacy, and even hospitals. The cameras play a role in minimizing theft and allow those in charge to know what their subjects and clients are up to. If you are planning to fit one for your home, it may be necessary that you install the best spy camera for home. These are top notch cameras that are highly rated for domestic use. In this article, we look at the reasons why you should own and use the Cocospy Cell Phone Monitoring technology and spy cameras. Note that Cocoscopy uses iOS solution, which does not require users to jailbreak a phone.

To protect the home

When installed in homes, spy cameras work hand in hand with another security system to ensure that your home remains safe throughout. If you love traveling, you can have the spy camera mounted in strategic locations to keep you a step ahead of intruders. Since the spy cameras are small, it may not be easy for the intruder to detect them. It will take images of the intruder and make the work of the police easier. Some intruders may not bother covering their faces, so the camera will take their images the police can use to trace them. They provide the hard evidence required in a court of law to sustain a prosecution.

They help to keep children in check

Having a hidden camera in your home is certainly going to keep you ahead of your children. It allows you to monitor the activities they engage in and keep them safe. The videos the camera collects will tell you the direction the children are taking. This is important because it may provide valuable information you need to come up with methods of keeping the children busy.

Also, the cameras will take footage of friends who come visiting them. It allows you to take note of the children they are bringing at home or hanging out with, and you will see what they do in your absence. Since the cameras are installed in hidden places your children will not know how you get such information. It allows you to correct them and prevent disaster before it happens.

Can be used to protect the business

You need hidden cameras to help you build your business empire. It helps you to tell who is who among your employees. Also, it helps you to monitor your inventory, employees, and property. When employees and customers realize that you have installed spy cameras, they become cautious in everything they do. It reduces pilfer of the raw materials and finished products. This is good since it helps to reduce costs.

Can help keep your children safe

If you leave your small children in the hands of a nanny, knowing what happens when you are away is essential. A spy camera can help you monitor the nanny and record every single thing they do. It allows you to review the footage at your free time and decide whether the children are safe in the hands of the nanny or not. You will see how she feeds them, how she plays with them and anything that she does while you are away.

Helps you monitor your room

When you check in a hotel room at your destination, the first thing you need to do is to install a spy camera to allow you to preview what happens in the room when you leave. If you are carrying some valuables, ensuring that they are safe when out is critical. Installing the cameras will give you a piece of mind, the camera will take note of every person that tries to get into the room. You will be able to alert the management as soon as you detect the illegal activities. It helps to thwart any theft attempt and will ensure that your items are protected.

Combining a spy camera and Cocospy Cell Phone Monitoring

The spy cameras alone will not adequately protect your home and your loved ones. You need to install Cocospy to ensure that that you are 100% protected. To get started with this most advanced software that millions of users rely on worldwide, all you need is to sign up to use the service. You will get an URL that will help you access the target phone. You will need to download the URL and install the software on the target device. Once the program is activated, you will be good to go. You will have to log onto the Cocospy account and review all that happens to the target phone in real time.

Benefits of integrating Cocospy with spy cameras

  • Enables you to monitor your property
  • Integrating the two systems provide 24hour surveillance on your home and ensure that your property is safe.
  • It allows you to receive alerts and notification in real time. Whenever a visitor drops at your gate or front door, you get immediate alerts.
  • You will be able to access your security cameras anywhere on your smartphone.
  • You can sync the video clips with the media
  • You can store the video clips in the cloud to keep the data safe.

How to monitor the home on your phone

Being able to have a glance at your home on your mobile device is exciting. It all depends on the type of cameras you purchase; cameras that can be linked to your phone and which will allow you to monitor everything happening at home on phone.

To enjoy these services, consider doing the following.

  • Purchase cameras designed to help you monitor your home on phone.
  • Have the camera app installed on your phone
  • Install the cameras in your home
  • Log into the app on the phone and set up the camera.

Using the notification on the camera on the phone

When the camera notices something unusual, they will keep the homeowner in the loop by sending notification information. If the cameras are connected to reliable internet, the notification will be real time. You can set the cameras to ignore other sounds and motions but send you alerts when they detect a person. This way you will minimize signals and ensure that you don’t get distracted. It ensures that the camera only send you meaningful alerts.

The post Reasons for Installing Spy Cameras At Home appeared first on Born Realist.

Source – bornrealist.com

Lifestyle

How Do You Act Around Your Crush, According To Your Zodiac Sign?

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Love is in the air! The birds are singing, the sun is shining and everything in the world is glorious! Ahhh … such is springtime.

Perhaps you have someone you’ve been keeping your eye on for a while, and now seems like a good time to act on your feelings toward your crush. We each have our own way of behaving when we have a crush on someone. Are you subtle, charming, and flirtatious … or a more direct type?

Our zodiac signs can often tell us things about ourselves that we don’t really think about or question. When we are in “crush mode,” we are often either oblivious to our actions due to being on cloud nine or perhaps overly aware of our actions due to nerves.

Do you know how you act around your crush according to your zodiac sign?

How Do You Act Around Your Crush, According To Your Zodiac Sign?

Aries

An Aries man may be a bit slow in realizing he’s falling in love, but then it hits him like a lightning bolt. One day he’s his usual friendly self, and the next day he realizes he’s falling for you. When he does realize it, he has no qualms about letting you know.

An Aries woman tends to be a bit scattered and less focused during conversations when she isn’t thinking of you as more than a friend. However, when she has a crush, she is glued to your every word. She is sure to use her wit to question and respond back to you. She will give you her undivided attention.

Taurus

Taurus men are generally known to be fairly confident, traditionalist, and practical. When they crush on you, though, they suddenly show their more sensitive side by being a little more awkward and nervous. They may even make jokes which poke fun at themselves to demonstrate their willingness to show vulnerability.

Taurus women also are usually known for their strong confidence, until they have a crush. Then, they suddenly are distracted and internally nervous if their crush is around. They are careful to appear relaxed while internally going crazy. They become more concerned about every detail of their appearance and behavior and analyze whether they should approach you or not. Once they decide to talk to you, though, they start to calm down.

Gemini

Gemini men want to get to know you more. They go about this by asking random small questions, which become more personal over time after you are more comfortable, and a friendship or rapport has developed. His actions and body language may appear contradictory, as he is flustered by you. His words may be neutral but his body language is showing how he feels.

A Gemini woman is the woman who loves to be in love. When she starts crushing, she cherishes those first feelings of excitement within herself for a period of time. She may watch romantic comedies more often as a way of enjoying these strong feelings of “being in love.” When she is ready, she will let you know her feelings.

Cancer

A Cancer man is a romantic, sensitive soul who also likes to daydream of his crush. He also loves the outdoors, so you may find him under a tree daydreaming. He has a very caring, nurturing way about him. Making you feel special and cherished is his dream.

A Cancer woman may typically be a cautious, reserved person. When she develops a crush, however, look out! Her personality begins to shine like the sun. She literally has a glow about her – complete with overwhelming charm, smiles, and fabulous happy energy.

Leo

Your Leo man who loves to flirt suddenly finds he likes you a little more than he wants to admit. Now, he wants to watch you everywhere you go. Then, when it’s time to talk to you, suddenly he becomes tongue tied. He actually gets a bit shy and can’t look at you directly without getting flustered. No worries here, though. Leos are naturally confident and bold, so they won’t hesitate long before asking their crush out.

Leo women are somewhat opposite of their Leo men. Naturally charming and confident, they turn it up a few notches when they are with the object of their affection. She is quick with her jokes, wit, and conversation with even more lively energy and openness about her.

Virgo

A Virgo man is cautious about his feelings. He’s a great subtle observer of his crush without following her everywhere. He wants to be sure of his feelings … and his chances. He will have a hard time looking her in the eye, as he feels very vulnerable and is afraid his emotions will show too much. It takes certainty on his part to act on his desire to ask his crush out.

A Virgo woman usually keeps her emotions under wraps. This is no different when she has a crush. She still plays it cool. She observes and learns about her crush and then will do things that she notices he likes or places importance on. Her goal is to get him comfortable with her first. She is unlikely to ask him out herself. Part of her plan is to make him feel comfortable enough to ask her out.

Libra

A Libra man becomes bolder and more confident in his actions, and since Libras already have a strong personality, it will become clear when they have a crush. He becomes a bit more of a “show off” without being too arrogant. He wants to get a woman’s attention while demonstrating that he can be everything to her.

Libra women become a bit less confident. They aren’t necessarily comfortable with their feelings, yet they want to hang out with their crush. Suddenly, she is more interested in group outings as camouflage to invite him along while she secretly is on cloud 9 just being around him.

Scorpio

A Scorpio man isn’t likely to fall quickly or easily. Scorpios tend to guard their hearts and want to truly know the woman they are crushing on first. For this reason, they tend to fall for a female friend they have known a long time.

A Scorpio woman uses clothing as a way of demonstrating her interest. She will incorporate her crush’s clothing style into her own. She’s not going to dress just like him, but maybe the style of the jacket he wears would look amazing with her short skirt and boots.

Sagittarius

A Sagittarius man loves his freedom and play. When he crushes, however, his warm, sensitive, generous side is shown wholeheartedly. He willingly offers to do tasks for his object of interest without expectation of something in return. His heart is open, and he will use his actions to show it by doing things for his crush just out of joy.

A Sagittarius woman wears her emotions on her face for all to see. She may have a nervous habit of biting her lip or pulling on her hair to show her nervousness. She is not afraid for anyone to know how she feels and is confident and sure of herself regardless.

Capricorn

The steady and true Capricorn shows he is crushing through subtle changes in his look, such as suddenly growing a beard or mustache, buying more colorful shirts, or maybe adding an edgy jacket. He becomes the subtle peacock striving to get your attention. That subtlety doesn’t mean he isn’t persistent, however, in striving to get someone’s attention. They will look for multiple ways to engage with their crush.

Capricorn women are essentially the same as the Capricorn men. Their goal is to improve their looks while making it seem like they “just threw themselves together.” She has the confidence to believe that her crush is already watching her, so she is just stepping it up to really get his attention. She is the woman unafraid to strut her stuff!

Aquarius

The normally reserved Aquarius prefers to show his intentions through buying gifts. He may start with little things like buying you lunch one day or picking up a little trinket or a book. As time goes on, he will step it up into more lavish things in hopes that you will get the message.

The Aquarius woman is all smiles! She is high on her feelings for her crush and the joy radiates from her face. She couldn’t even begin to contain her feelings and doesn’t even try.

Pisces

The Pisces man is not a cold fish when he is crushing. He loves showing physical affection. It will almost seem like you are a magnet to him; he’ll give slight brushes of the fingertips, a light rub of the shoulders, or a hug. He’s not going to be creepy or inappropriate about it, but it is his way of showing you how irresistible he finds you, kind of like when you were in grade school and that boy behind you was pulling your hair. Later, you were told he was doing that because he liked you. He was probably a Pisces. As he became older, he found nicer ways to show it.

The Pisces female is another peacock. She may make less bold, but still obvious, changes to her appearance, such as getting a new haircut, changing the color of her hair or wearing a different style of clothing. On the other hand, she may decide to really broadcast herself with bold new looks, multicolored hair, and fun, crazy behavior. She prefers to advance a friend to a romantic interest, so he already understands her silly-but-fun personality.

Closing

Does your zodiac sign describe how you act when you have a crush? Let us know in the comments!

The post How Do You Act Around Your Crush, According To Your Zodiac Sign? appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

7 Things That Fill Relationships With Hate (That Most People Ignore)

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In a relationship, you have to love and respect your partner. Resentment can get in the way of that and breed hatred, which will ultimately cause the partnership to collapse as you wonder how you even got to that point.

Resentment within a relationship is extremely toxic, and the hatred that stems from it is deadly to any couple. Unfortunately, resentment starts very small and grows until it’s unavoidable, and a lot of the time, you may not notice when it begins to take root.

That’s why you have to be aware of your behaviors when with your partner and take note of ones that may be causing them to feel resentful of you. You should also take note of your own resentment levels and see if you can pinpoint their origin.

This is, of course, much easier said than done. But if you know what to look out for, you can stop resentment in its tracks before it turns into loathing and burns down what you have built.

7 Things That Fill Relationships With Hate That Most People Ignore

1. Envy

A little competition doesn’t hurt, but constant competition that ends in fits of envy for the “loser” isn’t good for any relationship. If you or your partner turns into the green-eyed monster every single time the other person succeeds, you’re in for a lifetime of hate.

Sometimes, relationships can feel uneven in certain aspects. If you have been working tediously for years on end to advance in your job position but your partner gets promotions more easily without doing overtime or going the extra mile, it’s natural to feel a little upset.

But what’s important here is to recognize that this envy isn’t warranted. Your partner isn’t sabotaging your career – you just have different strokes of luck. It’s incredibly important to be your significant other’s cheerleader; if you react negatively to their success, resentment is building on both sides.

Envy can also cause someone to hold their partner back, preventing them from doing any better and stifling their success. This is a terrible thing to do to someone you’re supposed to love. Again, it causes resentment to build for both parties. Start learning to treat your partner’s success like shared success. After all, it’s your shared life, now!

2. Refusing To Take Responsibility For Mistakes

To err is human. It’s impossible that you will go through an entire relationship without making a single mistake. A proper apology is all it takes, usually, to make up for these mistakes, accompanied by a thoughtful action to make up for it.

But it can be difficult to swallow your pride and admit to your mistakes, and if you or your partner simply refuses to do so, it is harmful to any relationship. A lack of owning up to errors is immature, especially when just done to preserve a large ego.

Some people may also play the blame game, pointing fingers and playing the victim every time something bad happens. This is a sign of emotional manipulation and toxicity, and if it continues, it’s a giant red flag.

Of course, this means that, if a good apology is given, the other party must be willing to accept it and forgive it – or, at least, work towards forgiveness – if they want to stay in the relationship. It’s a two-way street.

  • This also includes being willing to leave the past in the past.
  • Serious and severe mistakes from a partner – like infidelity, stealing, and lying – can be difficult to move on from.
  • But if after all is said and done, there have been apologies, and you’ve agreed to move forward, the person who was wronged must learn to let it go and not bring it up in future arguments.

3. Fighting To Win

Fights between partners shouldn’t be about one person versus the other person, says author and relationship expert Beth Liebling. It’s about the couple versus the problem they’re facing. When you don’t keep this in mind, positive thinking dies down and resentment grows.

There is no real “right” or “wrong” in arguments during relationships. If you fight to win and get your point across, you’re telling your partner that your ego is more important than your ability to stay together. Instead, you should focus on what the problem is, how you can face it, and how you can find a win-win resolution.

Fights are a normal part of relationships. If you and your partner learn to face them in a positive way, you won’t have to deal with the inevitable resentment and fallout.

4. Being Late and/or Cancelling Often

Punctuality in a relationship is about respect. If you’re always late to dates, let your partner’s food grow cold as they wait for you, or repeatedly show up hours after you’re supposed to, your significant other will begin to hate it.

The same goes for canceling plans all the time. If something is always coming up at work, you’re always not feeling up for it after all, or you change plans last minute to be more convenient to you, you can bet there’s some resentment bubbling already.

Following through on your promises and appointments shows your partner that they are important to you. Ignoring these agreements is a surefire way to tell your significant other that they’re not a priority. If this is the case, don’t expect them to stick around.

5. Sharing Too Much With Others

A lot of people make a habit of ranting to their friends about relationship troubles. To some degree, this can be considered acceptable, especially if both people in a relationship do so and have clear limits on what to discuss, as well as the consent of their partner to discuss it. If you need to get something off your chest, talking to a trusted person isn’t the worst idea.

The problem comes when you overdo this. For example, if you’re talking about every last detail of your arguments or discussing your partner’s personal information, you’re going too far. Plus, you may be painting an incorrect picture of your partner to others.

When you rant or rave about your significant other and the struggles you go through, your partner is left blissfully out of the loop. They have no idea what’s going on as your resentment towards them continues to grow. Then, when they find out you’ve been too loose-lipped, their resentment will grow, too.

  • You should feel a sense of security and openness with your significant other that allows you to easily discuss any issues with them before resorting to an outside source.
  • Maintain boundaries between the relationship and other external platonic or familial ones.
  • Remember, you are a single unit – you should tackle issues as a couple.

6. Inability To Compromise

A relationship involves two (or more) people with different thoughts, opinions, and goals. Though long-term relationships tend to have similar long-term visions, there will still be disagreements and varying desires between the people involved.

This is where compromise comes in. It’s all about finding a positive solution that works for both parties, or balancing what each person wants in order to achieve the best result. It’s endlessly important in relationships, and those who are always getting the short end of a stick are likely to begin to feel hatred and resentment for their other half.

  • As such, a partner should never make a decision that they believe is best for the both of you without consulting you first.
  • Speaking for your significant other is disrespectful and fails to take their true feelings into account.
  • You may know your partner well, but you can’t read their mind.
  • Don’t try to, or they’ll grow to resent it!

7. Lack Of Positive Communication

Communication is the most important part of any relationship. You can’t read your partner’s mind, and they can’t read yours. Expecting the other person to know what you’re thinking is a surefire way to fill relationships with hate. Here are some poor communication choices that build resentment.

a) The Silent Treatment

Lots of people who are angry with their partners give them the silent treatment. It’s a terrible, toxic behavior and has no place in a relationship. Studies have proved time and time again that it causes deterioration between partners.

The goal in a relationship is to communicate, not to ignore. This doesn’t mean you can’t take some quiet time to collect your thoughts; just make sure your partner knows that’s what you’re doing and that you’ll talk about it in a few hours or the next day.

b) Bottling It Up

If there’s something on your mind or something bothering you, talk about it. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you should just let it go – that’s how resentment starts to build.

Both partners should feel comfortable talking about even the smallest issues in a constructive and productive way.

c) Not Listening

If you or your partner is open about thoughts, ideas, and concerns, and the other party refuses to listen, that’s a very bad habit that needs to end. To have your feelings dismissed and invalidated is damaging to one’s self-esteem, and it can cause hate to fester.

Make sure that, if your partner has something serious to say, you listen to them thoroughly and acknowledge their opinions and thoughts. You don’t have to agree with everything; you do need to listen, respect, and find the best way to go about the problem.

d) Lying

Everyone jokes about how their partner says “I’m fine” when they’re really not. It might be a white lie that many people accept today, but it’s a toxic kind of behavior. Those who do this are teaching their partners not to take anything they say at face value and always search for hidden meaning, as it could all be a big trap.

Confrontation is scary, but disagreements and problems don’t have to be confrontations. Just talk about what is bothering you and encourage your partner to do the same.

Final Thoughts On Things That Fill Relationships With Hate That Most People Ignore

There will always be a couple of clashes in a relationship. The trick is knowing how to handle them in a productive, calm, and considerate way. It’s hard to catch resentment when it grows, but when it gets to be too strong, no amount of positive thinking will clear the air.

By making sure you’re on the lookout for these negative habits that could spawn resentment, you’ll be saving your relationship from heartbreak down the road.

The post 7 Things That Fill Relationships With Hate (That Most People Ignore) appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

Psychologist Explains How to Beat Procrastination

Psychology-Explains-How-to-Rewire-Your-Brain-to-Stop-Procrastination-300x169

Procrastination is a treacherous habit. A dangerous habit.

Fortunately, procrastination is also a conquerable habit.

Procrastination is defined by Oxford English Dictionaries as, “The action of delaying or postponing something.” More interesting is OED’s example phrase for the word: “Procrastination is the thief of time.” It is most certainly that.

It’s not hyperbole to say that procrastination is the killer of ambition, energy, happiness, and success. The procrastinator – a title that applies to every one of us, at times – wants to stop this incessant delaying. The question is not a matter of desire, but self-control, knowledge, and implementation.

In this article, we’re going to discuss ways to defeat the procrastinator in us all. Of course, it is not as simple as barking out (or typing out) instructions. As overcoming procrastination involves a shift in mindset – no small feat, that – we must approach this shift methodically and scientifically.

Regarding the last point, it is essential to understand the why’s behind the act of procrastination. According to psychologists, this knowledge can help us to beat procrastination. This is because the mindset which gives rise to procrastination involves three truths that, once acknowledged and remembered, can go a long way toward not only helping relieve us of the habit but also of the guilt that often arises from the habit. These three main points are: (1) procrastination is a very human thing, (2) procrastination has its origins in evolution and neurology, and (3) we can do something about it!

Let’s discuss all three points in order:

#1 Procrastination Is A Very Human Thing

“While procrastination seems like a character flaw, it evolved for a reason.” – The Genetic Literacy Project

According to psychologists and professors Joseph Ferrari and Timothy Pychyl, there are ten things that people should understand and remember about procrastination. Doing so will help to sweep up some of that regret, anger, and confusion that often follows when we procrastinate. As you will see, this knowledge will put you in a better position to call yourself out before it takes hold.

Here is procrastination at a glance using ten points:

  1. Procrastinators can certainly change their habits. The problem for most is that the work required to change said habits consumes a ton of mental energy.
  2. The negative effects of procrastination are felt nearly everywhere. Evidence exists that procrastination can cause both personal and professional problems. Life areas that can be affected by procrastination include health, education, finances, relationships, and career.
  3. The three types of procrastinators are arousal, avoidance, and decisional procrastinators. The first get a “thrill” from procrastination. Avoidance types procrastinate from a deeply-rooted fear of failure. Decisional procrastinators are unable to make decisions.
  4. Procrastinators are always scanning the environment for possible distractions to use as an excuse to deviate from the task at hand.
  5. Procrastination usually summon rationalization, which can cause the mind to “play tricks” to the point where the procrastinator feels entitled to put something off. Common rationalizing phrases include, “I’m feeling too (tired/uninspired/sick/etc.) to do this now,” “I can’t think clearly,” and “I’ll do this tomorrow.”
  6. Substance abuse is common in those with an avoidant style of procrastination. Experts attribute this correlation to poor self-regulation skills.
  7. Controlling parents, particularly fathers, may cause the person to procrastinate out of rebellion.
  8. Procrastination cannot be attributed to personal shortcomings like poor planning or inept time management.
  9. There is a cultural element to procrastination. In the United States, for example, Americans tend to tolerate the excuses of others more than many (most?) others. Such excuses wouldn’t fly in many other countries, including in places where punctuality is highly coveted.
  10. Two out of ten people identify themselves as chronic procrastinators. In other words, procrastination is evident in most if not all areas of their life.

#2 Procrastination Has Its Origins in Evolution and Neurology

To understand the evolutionary and neurological roots of procrastination, we must first discuss cognitive planning. Per Wikipedia, “Complex planning is one of the executive functions … (involving) neurological processes involved in the formulation, evaluation, and selection of a sequence of thoughts and actions to achieve a desired goal.”

Our brain has the ability to reject planning at the subconscious level. So, if your subconscious mind “thinks” that your plan is worthless, do you think that you’ll dive into some project head first? Highly unlikely. You are more apt to find something else to do. All the while, your conscious mind is trying to rationalize why you are putting off that important project (and failing miserably!).

Why have we evolved only to adopt the apparent self-sabotaging act of procrastination? This question is a bit complicated. Long story short, we’re much more intelligent and intuitive than we think. To illustrate, let’s use the following complex planning scenario, courtesy of Dr. Cal Newport: “Sharpening a spear and charging a mammoth, and sharpening a spear and throwing it at the mammoth are both complex plans. Early Homo sapiens could … notice that the latter plan, with its much reduced risk of trampling, was the better choice.”

Now, here’s a rhetorical question followed by a critical point:

If your subconscious mind knew – even if your conscious didn’t – that tossing the spear may prevent you from getting trampled by a mammoth, is there a chance you’d think twice before charging a ten ton woolly mammoth?

Dang right! And you can bet that many of our hunter ancestors felt the same anxiety masquerading as procrastination. The lesson of the story: It may feel as if we’re unnecessarily delaying for no good reason when in fact our subconscious knows that there’s a better way.

Besides the normal evolutionary and neurological mechanisms of procrastination, there also appears to be a potential link with various mental health disorders. More specifically, mental health conditions that decrease the brain’s levels of the neurotransmitter dopamine. Not only does this make sense from a commonsensical perspective, but a biological one.

#3 We Can Do Something About It!

Now for the part we’ve all been patiently waiting for! Here are seven science-backed ways to beat procrastination, based off psychologist Timothy Pychyl’s research on procrastination.

1. Label Negative Emotions

Remember when we talked about the role of cognitive planning in procrastination? Well, it must be understood that the subconscious part of this process is strictly non-verbal. This means that when the circuits just beyond conscious thought object to our current plan, we won’t hear “Wait, stop!” or “Try this!”

Instead, our subconscious will attempt to get our attention by manifesting a bunch of unpleasant emotions. Learn to label the emotions of anxiety, boredom, fear, incompetence, indecision, and overwhelm – and you will be well on your way to beating procrastination.

2. Pay attention

Our brain has two modes: a default mode and focused mode. The default mode is impulsive, lazy, and loves to make excuses. The focused mode tunes in and locks on. Guess which one is conducive to doing good work and beating procrastination?

Of course, it isn’t always easy to fight distractions and overcome procrastination. You will fail at times. But if you invest even a few minutes a day building your attentional capabilities, you’ll find that it’s much easier to pay attention to work – even when it’s boring.

3. Spot Rationalization

When procrastination begins to seep into the conscious mind, the uber-intelligent brain will “reward” us by providing excuses. (Thanks, brain!) By learning to spot rationalizations, we can hold ourselves accountable and get back into the right frame of mind. Here’s a short list of some of the more common rationalizations:

  • “I have plenty of time.”
  • “It’s easy, I’ll get it done in no time.”
  • “I’ll get it done tomorrow.”
  • “I need to do (x) before I can finish the job.”
  • “I work better under pressure.”

4. Know the Types

This one is all about recognizing procrastinating activities for what they are – time wasters – and then getting back to work. Some of the more common types of procrastination include:

Busy work: email, phone calls, organizing, etc.

Bodily needs: drinking, eating, and sleeping

Entertainment: social media, texting, YouTube, etc.

Notice if these time wasters always seem to come up when starting a hard task. If so, your mind and body may be playing tricks. Ask yourself if what you’re thinking about can wait. If not, that’s okay. Do what you need to do and then get back after it.

5. Lay the Bricks

It’s quite incredible just how creative the mind gets when it wants to avoid the hard stuff. One way it does this is by conjuring up a bunch of activities that are work in appearance only. Get around this by breaking each goal down into actionable steps, or “bricks.”

Think of a house or building project. Progress is always measured incrementally or, to use a corny analogy, brick by brick. Make sure you do the real (read: hard) work by laying only those bricks necessary to achieve your goal.

6. Just Get Started

The pain and discomfort of procrastination is at its peak before you start doing a task. As soon as you start, the amount of pain falls drastically. (Google “Procrastination Pain Graph” if interested.)

Anyways, forgo the need to have everything planned out and just begin. By doing so, you’ll feel much better and much more inclined to finish.

7. Forgive Yourself

Now, this writer would love to tell you that, by knowing all of this stuff, you will never procrastinate another day in your life. The writer would be lying through somewhat crooked teeth. Unfortunately, procrastination is as human as bad traffic and selfies.

Just remember: “To delay is human, to forgive is divine.” (Sorry, the writer’s creative juices are also fried. Or am I procrastinating? Hmm…) Anyways, be neither too harsh to too lax with yourself. Lay those bricks, make consistent progress, and try to enjoy the ride!

The post Psychologist Explains How to Beat Procrastination appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.


Source – powerofpositivity.com